


Troublesome Love; Impossible Love

by Ethanol



Series: μ's Love Dramatic [2]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Angst, Denial of Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Happy Ending, Kotori is in distress, Love Confessions, sequel to my previous work, this is gonna be a bad time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:54:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 52,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23644951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ethanol/pseuds/Ethanol
Summary: Seeing Maki and Hanayo together filled Kotori with happiness, but made her lament at her own situation.
Relationships: Koizumi Hanayo/Nishikino Maki, Minami Kotori/Sonoda Umi
Series: μ's Love Dramatic [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1711021
Comments: 92
Kudos: 104





	1. Kotori and the Odds Against Her

**Author's Note:**

> yo yo y o it me
> 
> i'm back and trying out a new pairing that i like a lot. this is a sequel to the events of the first years are troubled, but can be read standalone as i won't be dropping too many callbacks to the first work. (but i recommend giving the first work a try i poured a lot of my soul into it)
> 
> kotori and umi's character dynamic is interesting but a lot of fun to see since they're very different personality wise, so hopefully i can deliver on that front while making a good story. its a bit short right now but im getting into it while looking for feedback, yknow. the usual
> 
> ive rambled enough, hope you enjoy

"Maki-chan and Hanayo-chan sure are cute together, huh?" Honoka remarked aloud with a plastered grin as she performed the paired warmup exercises with Kotori. Though her words were only for the ash-brunette, the volume had been enough for the pair adjacent to them to hear; that pair being Nico and Hanayo.

"H-Honoka-chan?!" The rice-loving idol in question squeaked, nearly dropping her partner as she hoisted her up onto her back, arms linked. Honoka and Kotori did the same, with the ginger bending forward to slink the other second year on her backside.

Kotori laughed into the sky, her current position making it impossible to cast a smile down at the brunette. "She's right, Hanayo-chan! Not just in school, but onstage too!"

"Though you two combined aren't nearly as adorable as the great Nico-nii," The raven chimed smugly, each pair switching position at the count of Eli's words and claps. Nico huffed beneath Hanayo's weight but managed despite the continuous worries from the first year.

"So, how many dates have you two gone on?" Honoka gave a sideways glance at Hanayo, choosing to completely ignore Nico's remark in favor of good conversation. The brunette stammered in reflexive response, taking a moment to string words to coherency.

"I-It's almost been a month, but Maki-chan and I have gone on about..." She paused, mentally counting the days in her mind, "Eight dates? Oh! Nine if I count that one time we went shopping together to find a birthday present for her mom. Maki-chan wasn't sure what to get her, so I went along as a second opinion." Hanayo reminisced with a wide smile, murky purple stealing a glance to the redhead currently being hoisted up by Rin.

Kotori had been genuinely happy to hear from them both that Hanayo and Maki were dating. Rin mentioned that they began on the days before their last live performance, and kept it secret for two or so weeks before telling the rest of μ's. But the group couldn't have been happier, especially Rin, who looked like a huge weight was finally off her shoulders.

Remembering that day was strangely nostalgic for the ash-brunette. The worried glances from Maki, who only calmed down when her body bumped with Hanayo. Rin visibly vibrating with excitement in her seat, Nozomi, Eli and Nico's knowing smiles (though for Nico's case it was a frown), then Umi and Honoka's look of anticipation, quickly washed over by shock when the brunette said it first in an embarrassed squeak.

But they were all happy for them, so as long as their relationship wouldn't distract them from their studies and club activities as school idols. Those had been Umi's stern words for the two first years, but strangely she wouldn't look them in the eyes, her face flushed.

_Umi-chan..._ The reminiscing brought on a cloud of despair over Kotori's sky of memories, bringing her back to the gloomy reality and one depressing fact.

It had almost been a month, yet neither herself nor Umi had done _anything._ In passing conversation, she knew Eli had given Maki an inspiring talk to get her to confess to Hanayo. She knew Umi was present during this event as well, and in hindsight she shouldn't had gotten her hopes up on Umi listening to the conversation with an open mind.

_Open mind._ The very thought wasn't giving the ash-brunette hope. Umi's family was anything but, as they held traditional beliefs besides that of martial arts and traditional dance. _Nothing says 'open minded' than a girl confessing her homosexual love to her childhood friend._

Kotori sighed, laying her full weight on Honoka, staring to the open blue sky, eyebrows knitted. At the final count, the ginger brought her back down to the floor, huffing a sigh as she relaxed.

"By the way, Kotori-chan," Honoka bent forward, staring up to her childhood friend, noticing the troubled look clear on her face, "When are you going to tell Umi-chan how you feel?" Her words was somewhat diminished of hope, yet her smile persisted.

The ash-brunette's eyes widened in shock at the sudden question, quickly looking away to see Hanayo and Nico sharing the same expression. Their stares burned, and Kotori fidgeted under their scrutiny.

"I... I don't know," Kotori sighed out, seeming to find interest at how the tips of her shoes knocked against one another. "I know I should, and I'll never know if I don't try but... Umi doesn't seem like that."

"What, she's not into love?" Nico cut in with a crass tone, her arms crossed in an unmoving stance until she felt a nudge from the first year at her side. "What was that for, Hanayo?"

The brunette shook her head. "You know what she means, Nico-chan." Her words were met with a roll of violent red eyes, landing its gaze back on Kotori, who affirmed Hanayo's words.

"And her family is very traditional. I... It's not looking good for me."

Honoka hummed lowly in agreement, the rest falling silent afterward. It had all seemed hopeless. Kotori had no sure Umi thought of her in a romantic way as a start, and there was the azurette's family to take into account. Both her and Honoka had met her parents during their numerous sleepovers in their youthful, elementary days. Umi's mother radiated an air of sophistication and dignity, each step purposeful and a tranquil gracefulness that left one in awe. Calling her father intimidating would seem rude and had been her impression of Umi's father since she was young. But Kotori was still intimidated by him to this day, the glare that shook anyone to their core frightened the ash-brunette, and even the energetic Honoka knew better than to act unruly whenever inside the Sonoda household.

Everything had been telling her no. That her feelings for Umi were in vain. All of the odds were against her, and she knew were reasons why she should give up.

Kotori's gaze wandered across the roof, landing on a wave of dark blue hair flowing in the breeze. She smiled, despite her thoughts. Before every fact told her no, her hope convinced her yes. Before the odds were working against her, her feelings cultivated this love. Before the reasons were known to tell her to give up, her heart cried out for her to try.

Before Kotori knew it was almost hopeless, she was in love with Umi.

She didn't know when or why she fell for one of her closest and oldest friends. Perhaps Umi being those things were the reasons she ended up this way. Kotori knew everything about her, even traits, behaviors and habits she'd show outside the eyes of the public. It had been that way since forever with Honoka.

Kotori recalled to a time in middle school where she realized her heart would beat different to Umi. When she was around Honoka or anybody else in their class, she would be at rest, normal, and calm. But the very sight of Umi sent her chest into an erratic nervousness, butterflies tickling her stomach. Her cheeks would feel warm, and her throat felt dry.

One night, Kotori confessed it all to Honoka. It had been one random night in the ginger's bedroom, a plate of Homura manjuu between them on the low table. They were in the first year of high school at the time, and Umi wasn't with them then, the azurette staying behind for the archery club. Both her and Honoka supported her decision, especially Kotori who had time for her heartbeat to rest in the afternoon.

Honoka was all smiles at the ash-brunette's confession, declaring her aid and support whenever needed in order to conquer 'Umi-chan's dense wall of adversity,' as Honoka had phrased it. Though since then she would be teased by the ginger at times, Kotori was glad she finally had someone to confide in about the love she's been hiding for years.

But until now that was all it was. A love hidden under a smile, so none were the wiser. When μ's formed and everyone joined, everyone else _but_ Umi found out. And continued to be in the dark, despite Kotori's attempts in confessing to her.

Nico's sharp exhale brought everyone out from the silent trance, radiant gold looking back to the raven. "Geez... You picked such an annoying person to fall in love with."

Kotori bubbled out a guilty laugh, smiling despite how her words wormed into her thoughts. Nico was right, this was a troublesome love, and every logical decision pointed in the direction away from Umi.

Yet, Kotori felt like she had known nothing but the erratic, heavy heart in her chest. One that she was pretty much sure wouldn't be quelled until her heart received an answer to these bottled up feelings. And maybe, just maybe, she’d receive a yes.

“All right!” Honoka lifted the heavy tension with a hopeful smile, one Kotori soon returned with one of her own. She patted her cheeks, clearing her thoughts.

“Let’s go, Kotori-chan. Practice is starting.”


	2. Kotori Falls Short

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Kotori doesn't say it now, when can she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey
> 
> yes this took a while but i was trying to get words right and things. its my first time working with this pairing so im not sure if im doing it well enough or not, but i promise ill get better as this goes on
> 
> anyways, enjoy and lemme know what you think 
> 
> ps i dunno what you call a person with blue hair so thats the word i went with

The bell tolled its last for the day, signaling the end of classes.

Kotori stretched her arms, the exhaustion of the day weighing down on tired shoulders. She began sorting her notes back inside her school bag, then produced her sketchbook before setting the bag down.

"Ah, Kotori-chan!" Honoka bounced in front of her desk, suddenly in view. "How's it going for our new costume ideas?" The ash-brunette could never understand how she was a seemingly endless ball of energy, even though she was teetering on the edge of unconsciousness during the last period.

"Oh, Honoka-chan. I haven't done a lot, just sketching a few ideas, but none are sticking to me just yet." Kotori said, shaking her head sadly yet with a smile on her face. Unlike the energetic ginger, Kotori had seemed to be more sated at the end of the day during the downtime before practice. Her thoughts were a primarily culprit for this cause, but one she chose to keep silent.

Still, she felt happy from the warmth from Honoka, as if the ginger radiated happiness from her smile alone. It soothed Kotori, often finding herself cheered up from the occasional wave of sadness.

"Can I see?! I bet they already look great, Kotori-chan!" Honoka leaned over her desk, eyes glistening in excitement. Kotori felt herself compelled to agree underneath the intense gaze until the ginger was suddenly pulled back by a firm hand on her shoulder. Crystal blue turned to find a glare of honey gold framed by deep blue.

"You will be doing anything else _after_ we deliver those forms to the teacher's office, Honoka." Umi's voice was even, but Honoka stiffened at her words.

"A-ah... Yes, Umi-chan," She gulped, heaving a sigh of relief when Umi released her grip. Her relief was short-lived when the azurette's glare persisted.

"You better not run off again this time and actually do it," she remarked with a sigh, prompting a bout of protest from the ginger.

"I won’t! Geez, you're so mean, Umi-chan."

Ignoring her friend's words, Umi landed her gaze on Kotori. Her expression immediately softened, giving the ash-brunette a tired sigh. "I'm sorry, Kotori, but Honoka and I must deliver some club reports to the teacher's office."

Kotori giggled nervously under her eyes, a warm flutter in her stomach from her smile. "It's fine, Umi-chan. Do you want me to come with?"

Umi shook her head. Kotori silently noticed how her deep blue hair swayed at the turn of her head. It was like watching a tranquil waterfall; but the sight made her anything _but_ relaxed.

"No need. Honoka and I can handle it, and we wouldn't want to distract you from designing." Umi's words made sense, and Kotori understood. They were planning to perform another live, and they needed a bigger frame of time in order to avoid rushing like last time. However, she couldn't help but feel annoyed. It was hard trying to find time to spend with Umi with her finding ways not to do so. The ash-brunette knew it wasn't on purpose, but it didn't help that her reasons made too much sense for her to object.

"Ah, I see..." Kotori hummed lowly, glancing down at the sketchbook in her hands. "I'll meet you two in the clubroom, okay?"

"All right." Umi nodded and started to the door. "Let's go, Honoka. We still need to stop by the student council room to retrieve the reports."

"Coming!" Honoka called out in reply. She turned around and walked after Umi, but not before noticing the unreadable expression on Kotori's face. When they reached the door, she spun around, calling her attention.

"Wait for us okay, Kotori-chan?!" She waved across the room. Kotori sat in a moment's disbelief, but soon found herself giggling, returning the wave with a gentle smile.

"Yup! Don't take too long, you two!" With that, her two childhood friends disappeared from the doorway. Heaving a sigh, Kotori rose from her seat, picking up her belongings before heading out the door as well.

She can think of the day later, for now she had to focus more on her costume ideas. The room was a good change of pace too, and inspiration often came from the plethora of idol memorabilia in the room. It was all good distractions from her thoughts about Umi.

* * *

It hadn't been long, but it had felt like a while, especially with the silence and the lone presence of the clubroom. Kotori had entered the room to find nobody, and spent her time waiting further sketching costume ideas for their next live show,

But each idea felt flat, some colors didn't match, the frills looked out of place. Thoughts of similar thread plagued at the second year's mind, stopping each concept sketch halfway shortly before starting another. A creative slump was nothing special for Kotori. She had times like these before, but seeing the amount of half-works and doodles on her pages, these were one of her worse ones.

Drawing out a long sigh, she flipped to a clean, fresh page. Away from the distractions, she cleared her mind and began thinking. It wasn't long before her mind overpowered her will and thought back to Umi.

Kotor's hands idly drew, but unlike the rest of her sketches, it began with flowing long hair. _I wonder what kind of costume Umi-chan will like this time?_

The pen moved with confidence, devoid of the rash storm the ash-brunette tried with her prior designs. _She would love something with a traditional flare, knowing her._ She thought with a smile, her actions disconnected with her thoughts.

The sketch's figure progressed down the body. Her hand roamed free. _Ah, but she'd want her skirts below the knee. But she looks so cute in a short skirt, though!_ She remarked in her thoughts.

Kotori moved on to color, beginning with strokes of deep blue. _Her hair is so pretty._ The afternoon glow leaked through the club room window, shining on the pages. _Her legs are so long and beautiful._

Her thoughts were a trance, and sketching was an unconscious motion. Eventually her eyes focused, staring in disbelief at the drawing in front of her.

For her previous designs, it would solely be the costume, fit for all members to project themselves wearing the proposed design. But this time, it felt like it was for one person in particular, and it didn't help that she drew key features of the azurette as well.

Her cheeks burned red, hands gripping the sides of the sketchbook _. It's all right,_ she reassured herself _, I can redraw it with just the costume, and I can show them that._

Kotori nodded, confirming the plan conceived in her thoughts. _Yeah! I should have time before the rest get he-_

"Is that me?" The voice behind her made the ash-brunette yelp loudly, nearly jumping out of her own skin. She whipped around in her seat, freezing up at the sight of honey gold eyes.

"A-ah! U-Umi-chan!" Kotori spattered out, the faint blush now a deep red all the way to her ears. "I didn't hear you walk in!"

"I knocked, but you weren't answering," Umi pointed out, an eyebrow raised in response. "Was I interrupting something?"

"N-nope! Nothing at all!" Pressing the sketchbook pages to her lap, Kotori shook her head wildly, tearing her betraying gaze from Umi. She wasn't going to end up accidentally staring at her _again_ this time.

Umi hadn't looked to completely buy her words, but she wouldn't pry further, deciding instead to verbally acknowledge the response and move to the seat across the desk."I take it you're almost finished with the costume designs then, Kotori?"

Sunlight gold eyes peered down at the pages against her. She managed a weaker shake of her head, chancing to meet Umi's eyes. "Just a few sketches... But nothing final yet." Her words made her feel lazy, and the guilt wasn't doing favors for the flutters in her stomach. Kotori didn't want to disappoint, especially not with the one responsibility placed on her shoulders and took pride in. Already caught by Umi with her unconscious sketches was embarrassing enough.

She had been expecting a light scold, a suggestion, or anything to reprimand her actions, but instead the second year across the desk sighed, setting tired arms neatly on the desk, her her back completely straight.

"I'm quite the same, actually..." Whatever her expectations were, an agreement was not one of them. Failing to see the look of shock on Kotori's face, Umi continued whilst fishing for something in her bag. "I know I was supposed to have a draft ready by next week for Maki to see, but... I'm not sure with some parts."

"Eh? Umi-chan too?" Kotori leaned forwards on the table. At the same time, Umi placed a notebook she had used for song lyrics on the tabletop, the ash-brunette doing the same for her sketchbook. In an instant, each other's attention snapped to the foreign object on the table, looks of interest on their faces.

"Yes, but I hadn't imagined you to be experiencing the same problem, Kotori."

"Aha, sometimes the ideas float to my head, and sometimes I can't think of anything, even though I have the image in my head!" She gave a smile, one Umi easily returned. Still, the sigh hid nothing of her exasperation.

"Even though we have more time, there's still the feeling of pressure," The azurette remarked, flipping through the pages in search for the right page. _Her handwriting's as neat and beautiful as ever,_ Kotori thought, brief moments allowing her gaze to see the writings on the pages.

"You sure have done a lot for the group huh, Umi-chan?" She mused, her chin rested on a hand, eyes travelling up to the focused look on Umi's face, until the question reached her ears.

"I suppose I have?" Her words sounded unsure, reinforced with a loose shrug. Umi glanced away from the notebook, meeting the ash-brunette's gaze. "But if I'd be honest, Kotori. You have done more for μ's than me."

She looked to the lone window of the club room; her eyes unfocused. "You encouraged Honoka at the start, while I had done nothing but disapprove." A weight of her words was suddenly in the air. Kotori was speechless, taken by surprise.

"That's not true, Umi-chan!" When she found her words, it was an explosion of emotion. The ash-brunette reeled back from her own voice, and from the sudden gaze on her, Umi had been too.

"Kotori..." Umi started, but Kotori shook her head before interjecting.

"You've done so much. Your lyrics are beautiful and so romantic. You lead us when we get carried away, and you're here to pull us back if we take things a little too far." Before she knew it, words left her mouth. She didn't know why, but it had been the way Umi doubted herself that a fraction of her true emotions broke through at this moment.

"I-" Her words caught in her throat just before something was said she couldn't take back. Kotori's senses returned, and a warmth bloomed across her cheeks. _Did I say too much?_

Umi sat across her, stunned. It didn't help the ash-brunette's spiraling thoughts as the silence persisted. Nervous eyes of sunlight gold darted anywhere but her eyes. Until a soft breath broke through the heavy silence.

"I... I'm not sure what to say," Umi mustered a voice when Kotori looked back. Red had dusted the azurette's face. "T-though I don't know how to reply to all of that..."

Umi was always easily embarrassed, but never due to compliments or words for her. So, seeing her blush from her words now disturbed the resting butterflies in Kotori's stomach, now fluttering to the point it was hard to keep still.

She gave a small laugh, breathy and broken. "Aha... Don't worry about it, Umi-chan." Kotori sunk her chin deeper against her hand, looking up to Umi's eyes who met her gaze.

"Kotori," The azurette began, but the words left her lips a silent breath. Kotori couldn't quite place the expression affixed on her face at this moment. She had never seen Umi look unsure.

"Thank you." Were the words after a deafening silence. She smiled, and the air instantly felt lighter. "For your words. I'm not too good at accepting words like those, I'm sorry."

Kotori giggled, her voice a lively chirp. Silence fell once more, but it felt comfortable. The smiles on both their faces made that evident. The ash-brunette flipped her sketchbook onto the page she was working on, smoothing slight creases and folds from when she forced it against her lap just minutes ago.

"Your costumes are wonderful. And I'm sure I would go insane at the beginning if it was just Honoka and I," Umi's words were sudden, but had a feeling of warmth. Eyes were glued to a spot on the table. Kotori noticed the deepening red on her face.

However, she felt herself heat up further when a thought crossed her mind. _Should I tell her now?_

She had attempted it multiple times but trying to confess at the moment always filled her with a painful anxiety. A fear that threatened to dry her words and sap her courage. Would this time be different?

_The conversation feels good, and she isn't in a bad mood,_ she continued to mull the decision over _. And she's thinking about me. So, she can't misunderstand if I say it now!_ A smile rested on her face. This moment felt right, and she was never going to get another chance like this for a long time.

"Without you here, I'm sure we wouldn't be as successful," Umi continued, unknowing to the whirlwind of thoughts raging in the ash-brunette's mind.

Fighting against the dangerous flutters inside her, Kotori sucked in a quiet breath. Her eyes snapped up, finding Umi's. When she did, her words tried to follow. "Umi-chan, I-"

"You're a great friend, Kotori. To me, Honoka, and everyone else in μ's." She ended with a smile.

Her words had good intentions, but Kotori couldn't help but wince at the pain in her heart. The flutters died, replaced with a painful void at that certain noise. _Friend._

"Kotori?" Umi's voice sounded distant, but it was enough to bring her back to reality. "Is everything all right?"

Confusion lasted for a mere moment when Kotori felt a frown on her face. Hesitant fingers touched her lower lip, feeling the downward curve. Despite that, she felt a twisted sense of relief. She was glad there weren't any tears.

Forcing a smile, the ash-brunette looked away. Anywhere but her. "I'm just fine, Umi-chan!" Her words sounded shaky; tone unconvinced. Scrambling for words, she stuttered. "T-thank you, too. Getting praised for your hard work makes me feel h-happy." Kotori choked back sadness on the last word. She was anything but right now.

Umi made a voice of agreement. Kotori didn't know what to feel for succeeding in steering the conversation away. "You're right. And I know the group is thankful, but hearing it yourself gives you a certain joy, doesn't it?"

The azurette smiled, and Kotori felt guilt at showing her sadness at such a positive expression. She returned the smile, though hers was suppressed. She hoped Umi wouldn't tell the difference.

"Y-yeah! You're right, Umi-chan!" She chirped, and Umi nodded, satisfied with their agreement. Her thoughts wandered back, and Kotori hoped her worn smile would persist while her mind spiraled. At the last moment, she blew it. She was so close, yet she failed to say it.

Frustration crept to tug a frown on Kotori's face, whose eyes cashed down to hands clutched together on the table.

"Kotori?" Umi took notice, her voice laden with concern. Before she could examine the ash-brunette further, the click of the door announced the arrival of the rest of μ's. Both turned heads at the doorway, spotting the trio of first years voice out greetings in seeming unison before stepping into the room.

"Working on the lyrics already?!" Hanayo pointed out with a voice of shock, wearing a look of admiration.

"Ah! Kotori-chan's already started on the costumes too, nya!" Rin skipped over to Kotori's seat, throwing her arms over her shoulders and peering in close to the sketchbook. "Nya? It's Umi-chan!"

"Aah!" Kotori helped, quickly shutting the cover to conceal the drawings. Rin gave a pout, but the second year waved a finger of warning at the ginger. "Now now, Rin-chan. You'll see it when it's ready!" She chirped, impressed at how well she hid the embarrassment in her voice.

"The lyrics, huh? Then I guess I should start finishing the song," Maki chimed in, peering over the brunette who had walked over to Umi. She rested her head atop Hanayo's, deliberately ignoring her soft protests.

Umi shared a similar reaction to Kotori, closing her notebook in one fluid motion to hide its pages from the scrutiny of the first years.

"Kotori is right! It will be better once it's finished and ready for review," She replied sternly, earning disappointed noises of agreement from the three of them.

After that, they took their seats. Rin decided to pry further information from the azurette, who initially denied her but eventually relented. She always would for her subunit members. Maki and Hanayo was a chair away, absorbed in their own conversation. Little bouts of laughter and stutters erupted from them, and Kotori couldn't help but smile at the sight.

But her thoughts brought her back to the minutes before the atmosphere of intimacy vanished. When they were alone, and the moment had felt right to confess at that moment. Kotori was glad their attentions were to each other. There was trouble in hiding her distant look of longing.

_I couldn't do it today, too._ Kotori sighed, her attention snapped to the door as it opened, Eli, Nozomi, Nico were at the door, dragging a helpless Honoka inside the room. They briefly explained, but it didn't reach her ears.

Honoka broke away from the blonde's hold, moving to the safety of her childhood friend. But she stopped, crystal blue found her gaze, and understood the look she tried to hide.

"Kotori-chan..." She whispered, but a loud, energetic clap stopped her speech. Everyone's eyes turned to the third years.

"All right, let's give it our best for practice today!" Eli said energetically, the rest following her enthusiasm as they began rising from their seats and to their practice clothes.

But Honoka's voice was missing from the unanimous cries, her attention fully on the ash-brunette. "Kotori-chan, did you-"

Kotori shook her head, stilling the ginger's words once more. "Later. Okay, Honoka-chan?" Her voice was a forced happiness, but Honoka knew not to pry at this moment. She was an airhead but understood Kotori more than anyone. She nodded and went through the motions of readying for practice as well.

"All right! You better hurry up and change or you'll be late, Kotori-chan!" Honoka said in her usual chipper. As a distraction for her friend's thoughts. Thankfully it worked as her words were returned with a more genuine smile, following by a nod,

"Mmh!" Kotori slid her sketchbook back inside her bag, and before she brought out her own practice clothes, stole one last glance at Umi.

A sigh was the only thing she allowed herself before practice would consume her thoughts.


	3. Kotori Makes a Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kotori is at the end of her wit, but Honoka is there for her childhood friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeeeey 
> 
> im thinking of making this a bit longer than my first work, so yeah there's that  
> ill try to update as frequently and not slack off in quality 
> 
> also ive linked this to a series, since the first fic and this one are related. i couldn't come up with a good name so i just fumbled one together, if you have suggestions to name the series feel free to tell me 
> 
> anyways, enjoy

"Eli-chan's new choreography is hard!" Honoka yelled into the evening air. Luckily the streets were barren save for the three second years walking back home together.

Practice had been uneventful, at least it was as far as Kotori could remember between spacing out and spiraling down unsavory trains of thought.

She chirped, agreeing to the ginger's words. The ash-brunette walked at her side, with Umi on the other side.

"We discussed about it, and she thought that everyone was ready for more difficult levels of dancing," Umi explained, glancing sideways at Honoka who merely pouted in response.

"But the difference between the last performance and this one is huge!" She whined, dropping her shoulders in an almost theatrical manner. Honoka was always an expressive person, from her words to every small action.

It was a trait Kotori had always envied.

"It improves us as school idols, so I don't mind!" She chimed in with a giggle. Umi returned her words with an agreeing smile.

"Kotori's right, and it will serve as exercise to help you with your dieting, Honoka."

The ginger exploded into a burst of protests, earning herself an exasperated sign from the azurette.

Their feet halted at an intersection, and Umi faced the other two second years, carrying her school bag with both hands at her front. "I'll see you two tomorrow. Get home safe." She gave a smile, one easily returned.

"See you tomorrow, Umi-chan!" Honoka waved energetically. Then she turned to Kotori, flashing the same gentle smile.

"Goodbye, you two." Kotori couldn't help but chuckle softly. _Umi-chan always had a formal flair to her greetings and goodbyes,_ she thought with a smile.

"Bye, Umi-chan!" She chirped, and with that Umi turned on her heels, starting down her route home. The remaining two walked another road together, their sight on Umi disappearing at the bend.

Kotori released a breath, the uneasy fluttering dissipating at each step. Eventually it subsided and her eyes refocused to find no one in front and beside her.

"Honoka-chan?" She spun her head around, expecting the ginger to had stopped for a random cat on the road. Instead, she was a few steps behind her. Noticing this she halted her own, letting Honoka catch up.

"Something wrong, Kotori-chan?" Honoka asked, head askew in confusion. "Are you in a hurry to get home?"

"A-ah! No, I just spaced out." It didn't sound convincing, and her tone of surprise didn't help her words. "Just thinking of the costume designs!" Kotori did her best to hide the nervousness in her voice, a bark of laughter breaking out pitifully.

Honoka said nothing, studying her face carefully in an uncomfortable silence. Suddenly she peeked up, jutting a finger down the street. "I have an idea! Let's go to my house, and I can help you out with your costumes!" Her smile beamed, but Kotori struggled to match her enthusiasm.

"I could... But, Honoka-chan, it's getting late and-" A hand on her shoulder halted her words. Her gaze trailed up the arm to find the ginger's expression softening, her smile more somber.

"You said you'd talk about it later, right?" Honoka said easily, dropping her hand off the ash-brunette's shoulder. Kotori's eyes went wide at her words, staring at disbelief for a moment before collecting herself.

"Ah... Sure!" She feigned excitement in her voice, but from the hard line on Honoka lips, Kotori knew she wasn't buying it. Still, it felt good to say it openly to somebody, and her childhood friend had been nothing but an open ear ever since she knew of her feelings about Umi.

"Great!" Her usual grin returned in full force, taking Kotori's hand before dragging her down the street. "Let's go before it gets dark, Kotori-chan!"

* * *

Kotori was sure that Honoka was more willing to listen to her after the incident where she almost left to study abroad. It had pained her at the time, but through it their friendship grew stronger, and they never felt closer.

Also, she heard that Umi had slapped Honoka during this time, but she was sure that strengthened their friendship as well. Kotori liked to think positive.

"We're here!" Honoka gestured widely at her home that doubled up as a Japanese sweets shop. This was her favorite place when she was younger. It was both a place with sweets and hr friend's home. They were no cheesecakes, but manjuu was delicious in their own way.

"Pardon the intrusion," The ash-brunette announced her arrival, following after the ginger. She bowed in greeting at the figure behind the counter, a soft smile worn across her face.

"Ah, Kotori-chan. It's good to see you." Honoka's mother returned the bow with a curt nod, then her gaze moved to her daughter. "Honoka, before you head upstairs, could you help your father move a few things from the back?"

"Sure!" Honoka nodded energetically, starting over to the door leading to the bakery proper. She stopped at the doorway, facing back to Kotori. "You can wait upstairs in my room, Kotori-chan!" With that, she disappeared.

Kotori voiced and went past the door heading to the residential part of the building, stopping at the shoe rack to remove her shoes. Borrowing a pair of slippers, she walked up the stairs to Honoka's bedroom.

"Pardon the intrusion," She hummed softly, expecting no one to return her words as she slid the door open. Her eyes widened at a girl on her hands and knees filtering through a bookshelf. Their eyes met, a pair of confusion met with one of horror.

"A-ah, Yukiho-chan. What are you doing?" Kotori broke the silence with a question, stepping into the room before shutting the door. Her gaze had broken away to a random wall, unwilling to look at her friend's younger sister.

It had nothing to do with their familiarity, but more on the fact Yukiho was wearing next to nothing. In a compromising position, her shorts rode up her thighs, and her top hung loosely. Kotori internally remarked this scene similar to that of a romantic comedy, but without either elements.

"K-Kotori-san!" Yukiho stuttered out in lieu of a greeting, darting eyes between the second year and the book gripped between her fingers. "Don't tell my sister, okay?!" She said pleadingly, swiftly taking the book and shifting to a sitting position.

Kotori blinked, then struggled to suppress a laugh. Yukiho's priorities at this moment tickled the ash-brunette, even more so at the sight of her pouting.

"I won't, Yukiho-chan." She said after finally calming down, waving her hand. She sat in front of the low table, eyes trailing down to the book clutched between tight hands. "What's that book for?"

"This?" The brunette showed the book briefly to the second year as she stood up, frantic eyes darting to the door every now and again. "A friend of mine wanted some book suggestions to read since she wants to learn more Japanese."

"And a romantic novel is a good start?" Kotori asked with a laugh, an incredulous look on her face. On closer inspection, the spine of the book had a number on it, indicating it was a part of a series.

"W-well, not really. But she saw me reading the first volume of this series and she was very interested in it!" Yukiho defended, failing to conceal the dust of red on her cheeks.

"And why is it a secret from Honoka-chan?" The ash-brunette followed, still not understanding the situation.

"Because! She doesn't want me snooping through her stuff ever since I accidentally saw her physical examination results that one time!" The mention of that brought Kotori back to the group's momentary crisis of Honoka's weight. Everyone liked to think that she had learned her lesson and was watching her weight this time, but from Yukiho's words it seemed that she's only doubled down on making sure nobody finds out again.

Footsteps grew louder in volume down the hall. Kotori could see the panic flash in Yukiho's eyes, who quickly bounded to the door, throwing it open and leaving for the safety of her own room.

"Ah, Yukiho! Why were you in my room?" She heard Honoka's voice from down the hall, her steps stopped.

"N-nothing!" She also heard the nervous response of her sister, who no doubt was trying to conceal the book in a manner that suited Yukiho: somewhere embarrassing. "I was just greeting Kotori-san!" The slam of a door echoed through the hallway. Moments later, Honoka appeared, a look of bafflement on her face.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Kotori-chan!" She smiled, closing the door behind her, carefully balancing a tray of sweets and juice with her other hand. "What was Yukiho doing?" She asked absently, walking over to the table, setting the tray down.

Kotori shook her head with a giggle. "Nothing! Just saying hello," she chirped, reaching for a manjuu before the ginger could pry further. A warm smile tugged at her lips as she bit into the confectionary. "Tasty as ever! Homura's pastries are the best!"

Honoka scratched her cheek, bubbling an embarrassed laugh at her words. "You praise us too much, Kotori-chan." Despite her words, she couldn't help but grin, biting into a manjuu as well. "But, the taste of red bean paste gets tiring after a while, don't you think?" She mused with a suppressed frown, yet still devoured the sweet.

"But if it's something you love, I'm sure you'll never get tired of it!" Kotori smiled, radiating positivity that cheered even the ginger's lament on red bean paste. Suddenly the smile turned cheeky, and Kotori sensed the change.

"Speaking of things you love, Kotori-chan," Honoka began in a sweet tone, eyes narrowed to a mischievous glint.

Kotori gulped under the intense gaze; her throat suddenly dry. _It's probably the manjuu,_ she tried to convince herself.

"So..." Honoka's voice suddenly dropped to a whisper, as any louder would incite the attention of anyone else. "What happened today, Kotori-chan?"

"A-aha, well..." The ash-brunette began retelling the events of today, despite the pang of pain in her heart from remembering. How the feeling felt right but evaporated into thin air at the last moment. That, though Umi didn't mean to, she had said words that left a painful sting in her heart. Kotori had thought this room had a strange magic, one that rendered her to be completely honest about everything. Her thoughts, love, and pain.

It was difficult, but when Kotori finally finished, it was as if a weight was lifted from her chest but made the emptiness more painful.

She deflated onto the table, her head falling on the surface with a soft thud. Across she could hear Honoka's thoughtful hums. Kotori felt guilty at rambling on for so long to her, but the ginger listened to every word without complaint, so it was fine, right?

"Hmmm..." No words were exchanged, and silence filled the air, save for her friend's mulled voice. After a minute of pensive silence, Honoka placed both hands on the table's edge. Startled, Kotori pulled back, wide eyes landing on crystal blue. Honoka's gaze persisted, until a grumble of frustration erupted from her, hands shooting up to comb through ginger hair.

"Agh! She's so annoying!" She complained loudly, landing her elbows on the table audibly. Kotori laughed guiltily. On one hand she felt that it was because of her that Honoka had to share in her frustrations, but on the other hand their talks were quite memorable, some humorous, some more serious.

"Are you sure you can't just tell her, Kotori-chan?" Honoka asked in a defeated voice, eyes upturned to the ash-brunette who could only return the look with a sad frown.

"You know I tried that, Honoka-chan," Kotori said with a shake of her head, sighing. "Then she simply said, 'I like you too,' then moved the conversation before I could say anything." Remembering that moment was painful, but it revealed the terrible revelation on how dense Umi can be.

"Y-yeah. Right, I remember..." The ginger hummed lowly, sinking lower onto the table. "You literally said it, and she still misunderstood!"

"We say it a lot, so I can understand why she meant it as a friend." Kotori explained, and Honoka huffed out in exasperation, realizing her point made too much sense. "Geez, what does she need, a letter?!"

"Honoka-"

"Yeah, yeah. You already tried that, I know..." Honoka interrupted, her voice sounding more hopeless at every turn. Kotori was thankful that she was taking her issues of love seriously to the point of being upset in her stead, but she stopped to think.

_Is this all worth it?_

Kotori grimaced at the thought. She always would whenever it did. Her troubles had reached to someone else, and nothing had turned up in her favor. To any sensible person, it would be best to give it up and move on. Like the saying, 'there's plenty of fish in the sea.'

But she was hopelessly in love with Umi, and that was enough to disregard every reason to simply put it down and stop. These feelings that cultivated before she could realize had latched on to her heart. The failures were painful, but the flutters were addicting.

"We need a plan." Honoka suddenly said, bringing Kotori out from her thoughts. The ginger traced circles on the rim of an empty plate, gaze heavy on the ceramic as if the answer was written on it. "Something that even Umi-chan can't misunderstand!" Despite how demoralized she sounded earlier, the smile on her face filled Kotori with a faint hope.

Of course, there was also that. Honoka was putting up with so much for Kotori, and she didn't want to disappoint. Honoka would do anything for her friends, so she'd try and return the favor.

Though she's trying to turn a friend into a lover. Kotori shrugged, deciding that it somehow made sense.

"What kind of plan are you thinking of, Honoka-chan?" The ash-brunette inquired, eyebrows knitted in focus. Honoka narrowed her eyes in thought, expression shifting to concentration for a second before a grin split across her face.

"We need a romantic scene! Kotori-chan, we've been trying to get you to confess in school, right?"

"Y-yes?" Kotori answered confusedly, unsure where she was going with this.

"School is too distracting, so we need a change of scene!" Kotori perked up at Honoka's explanation. _She's right! Umi-chan's a 'there's a time and place for everything' type of person, so she'd think of nothing but school-related things there!_

The dots started to connect in the ash-brunette's mind, and Honoka could see it plainly in her widening smile. "You two need to be somewhere together not in school, and she won't be able to misunderstand!" Her words were excited, eyes glistening at her ingenious idea.

"But," Kotori cleared her throat, eyes focusing on Honoka's. Her hand reached to take a manjuu, biting into it idly. "How do we do it, Honoka-chan?"

"You two go on a date!" She replied simply, as if it was the easiest thing in the world. The suddenness caused Kotori to nearly choke on the pastry, barely composing herself to swallow. When she did, her eyes went wide at the ginger.

"W-what?!" She squeaked, her voice a few octaves higher. Honoka grinned, nodding her head at the stunned ash-brunette.

"Well, it wouldn't be a date, _per say._ " She explained, rubbing the back of her neck with a laugh. "But you two will be together somewhere, so it's technically a date!"

Kotori's head was spinning at the thought. It wouldn't be a lie to say that she had fantasized about going on dates with Umi. Enjoying each other's company throughout the whole day. Having fun, absorbed in each other until the end of the date. They'd hold hands, reluctantly saying goodbye in the evening air. They'd draw close, breaths mingling in the growing cold. Then, they'd-

"Uh, Kotori-chan? You're really red." Honoka waved a hand in front of her. When Kotori's eyes refocused and her mind returned, she felt the warmth radiating from her face. Red reached her ears, and if it were possible, steam would rise from the top of her head.

"A-ah... Ahaha." The ash-brunette was breathless, silently cursing her mind for conjuring such a detailed imagination. Luckily, Honoka wasn't a mind reader, and was clueless of her thoughts.

"Anyways, Kotori-chan!" Honoka sat straight, holding up a phone. Kotori looked to it, finding it familiar. After a moment, she realized it was her own phone.

"Huh?! Wait!" Hands searched frantically through her pockets, mortified at the absence of the rectangular feeling. Her eyes looked up to the ginger, her grin even wider.

"I borrowed it while you were busy thinking about Umi-chan just now!" _So much for not being a mind reader,_ Kotori thought.

"Now!" Honoka unlocked the phone, opening the call app and scrolling through the contacts in one fluid motion. "Here's the idea, Kotori-chan! You call and invite Umi-chan this weekend to window shop for costume ideas."

She paused for a moment; a proud look worn on her face before continuing. "You said you were in a slump, right? So, she'll believe you! I know she'll ask why I won't go, but I'll be busy with the student council forms this weekend, so I won't be able to go!"

Honoka's plan was sound and believable until the last part, Kotori mused, and it showed on her face since the ginger immediately frowned at her. "I'll actually do it this time! And I got an earful from the teachers because they were late this week."

"Is that why you didn't go in the clubroom with Umi earlier today?" Kotori asked, unsurprised from the nod that confirmed her suspicions.

"So, that's me covered! I'll ask the girls to come up with excuses, so it'll be just the two of you!"

"Honoka-chan, isn't that a bit too much?"

"Nope! I'm sure they'll help you out!" Honoka replied with a confidence that convinced Kotori. Out of all the plans they hatched together in this bedroom, this sounded like the most structured and better planned than the previous attempts. She smiled, excited. Until the noise of a phone dialing dropped her spirits.

"Catch!" Was Honoka's only warning, tossing the phone across the table. Kotori barely caught it, fumbling with the device to see Umi's name, the word 'dialing' below it. "N-now?!"

"Yup!"

"B-but I don't know what to say!" Kotori whined; her voice frantic as the phone vibrated in her hands. She tried to follow up her words when the phone ceased its noise. Relief lasted for a split second until a familiar voice erupted from the phone's speaker.

"Good evening, Kotori." Umi greeted. Kotori stared blankly at the device, then up to Honoka who silently mouthed words at her to speak.

"A-ah!" Realizing that she needed to respond, the ash-brunette fumbled with the phone, accidentally bumping it against the side of her head. Wincing at the dull pain, she cleared her throat nervously.

"U-Umi-chan! Did you get home safe?" She figured starting simple was good. But if Kotori were to be honest, she was stalling in order to build up her courage to push through with Honoka's plan.

"Yes, thank you for asking," Umi replied. Kotori tried not to shiver at the voice right against her ear. "So, did you need anything?"

"U-uh..." Her words fell silent, eyes darting around the room. Honoka saw her panic and waved for her attention. Pulling out her own phone, she quickly typed something, then showed it to her.

'Ask her!'

 _Easier said than done,_ Kotori thought, dreading how her words already sounded like she was on the verge of crying.

"Kotori? Are you still there?"

"A-ah! Yeah! S-sorry, I was called for a moment." Shooting a glance at Honoka who nodded encouragingly back at her, Kotori turned her attention to the phone.

"So Umi-chan, a-are you busy this weekend?" Struggling to keep her voice steady, she slowly led the conversation up to the big question, mustering up all her courage to not press the 'end call' button and curl up in shame.

"I should be, why do you ask?" The fact it was only through a device didn't stop the fluttering in her stomach. In person or otherwise, Umi would have the same effect on her regardless.

Still, she needed to push on. Swallowing uncertainty, she pushed her words out through nervous lips.

"I still don't have ideas for the c-costume. So, I was planning on going to Akiba for inspiration. D-do you want to come with me, Umi-chan?" After succeeding in asking, Kotori slumped against the bed at her side, but she wasn't out of the woods just yet. Umi still needed to answer.

"Me? Will it be with Honoka like the usual?" True to Honoka's assumptions, the azurette brought her up. The girl in question was nodding to herself across the table, her arms crossed. Kotori had just realized she accidentally pressed the loudspeaker option.

She shook her head, then realized that Umi couldn't see her. "She can't this weekend. I asked her first, and she has to work on some student council reports."

"Honoka?" Umi's voice was pure disbelief, and the ginger suddenly glared at the phone as if it offended her. Kotori suppressed a laugh, returning her attention to the call. "She can be responsible too, Umi-chan." She said in a soft, almost scolding tone.

"Y-you're right, I shouldn't be so surprised," Umi said softly, her voice tinged with guilt. Kotori heard her sigh through the speaker before she continued. "So, it will be just the two of us, then?"

Kotori took notice of the sudden change in Umi's voice, but she quickly disregarded it. She was probably imagining the hopeful tone in her voice. "Yep! I-If it's okay with you, that is."

"Of course, it's all right with me, Kotori." Umi said evenly. "We can discuss the details tomorrow in school, then?"

 _Wait, she said yes?_ Kotori sat there, stunned. When she remembered to respond, her voice hid nothing of her surprise. "S-sure! T-tomorrow, Umi-chan!"

Across from her, Honoka was giving two thumbs up, grinning from ear to ear.

"All right, this weekend then, Kotori. Is there anything else?"

"N-nope! I'll see you tomorrow, Umi-chan!" Feeling the last of her strength leave her, she swiftly ended the call before her nerves would crack. She was completely unprepared, and her heart wasn't ready. But still, she did it.

Slumping back on the bed, her phone fell from her hands. Kotori didn't have the mind to care right now, her mind too worked up from hearing Umi's voice too close to her ear.

"You did it, Kotori-chan! All according to plan!" Honoka rejoiced with a laugh, swiping a manjuu to celebrate. Her words were muffled, but it didn't stop her. "Now, all you need to worry about now is what to say when you confess!"

Kotori didn't respond, dead silent on the bed. "Uh, Kotori-chan?" The ginger crawled over to her on the bed's side. Choked sobs were muffled against the bedsheets, sparking worry from Honoka. "K-Kotori-chan?!"

Suddenly, hands shot up to grip the collar of her shirt. Kotori furiously shook her, her voice an upset whine. "D-don't do that again, Honoka-chan!"

"Kotori-chan, please! I'm getting dizzy!" Honoka attempted to pry herself away, but the grip on her shirt was tight. She cried out, unknowing to the fact Honoka was hanging limp in her hold, dizzy from the unrelenting shaking.

Today, Kotori learned something new. Honoka's plans were bad for her heart.


	4. Mundane and Everyday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The three second-years have lunch outside, a little different, but nothing too different to everyday.

The next day, Kotori struggled to maintain eye contact with Umi. More so than usual.

Yesterday evening's events were still fresh in her mind. The days between today and the weekend seemed painstakingly long, but when she had thought about what to plan after she got home, the few days suddenly felt short.

Needless to say, Akihabara was a large place, but planning a day out to look for costume inspirations was harder than one would think. At least she didn't lie that she couldn't think of anything.

Kotori contemplated on visiting places she'd already seen, but her unspoken principle of never visiting the same clothing store twice for costume ideas easily decided for her. She wanted variety, or at the very least, not have her designs feel uninspired when placed together for comparison.

No one could tell her otherwise. She liked to explore new territory.

When lunched rolled over, the second-year trio decided to eat lunch outside today. Beneath the tree not too far from their classroom. Everything seemed per usual, with Kotori and Umi bringing their own lunches while Honoka opted to buy bread.

"Man, today's bread is delicious!" The ginger said, her mouth muffled with bread. Umi gave an exasperated sigh, at this point feeling futile in convincing her to cut back on unhealthy food. Yet, she did.

"You're going to get fat again if you keep only eating bread, Honoka."

Honoka waved a hand at Umi as if swatting her comment out of the air. "It's fine! With how serious our practices are going to get from now on, it should balance things out!" She reasoned confidently before returning to indulging in her lunch.

"It's fine if she'll have something else tomorrow, right, Umi-chan?" Kotori chanced a glance at the azurette, whose gaze were boring into Honoka before snapping over to her. She sucked in a breath to speak but paused before sighing out in defeat.

"I suppose..." Umi then turned to her own lunch, saying her thanks before digging in. As stern and strict Umi was, there were times like these where she'd be lenient on her childhood friends. Sometimes this leniency would lead the three often to trouble, mischief, or the mercy of Honoka's whimsical desires. Kotori wouldn't mind, being the more neutral member of the trio, but most of the time she'd end up having to choose a side between either of them.

Like right now, she could had sided with Umi and, if she were honest, Honoka could start eating healthier. Especially with the fact that she ate half the plate of manjuu from yesterday. Umi made sense in this situation, as always. _But, Honoka looks so happy with her bread!_ And Kotori wasn't going to ruin the ginger's simple pleasures, not with all she's putting her through.

"Ah, Kotori. Do you want to plan for this weekend now while we have the time?" Umi asked suddenly, raising her attention from the meticulously prepared lunch on her lap to eyes of sunlight gold.

"Hm?" Kotori realized that she was spacing out, her body subconsciously performing the motions of eating her lunch. Umi's voice brought her back to reality and when her words finally registered in her mind, she struggled to string words together from the whiplash of idle daydreaming to active thought.

"S-shure!" The ash-brunette blinked at her garbled words before noticing that she was in the middle of chewing. Quickly swallowing, she fought down the growing blush on her cheeks. "I mean sure, Umi-chan!"

Umi stared in silence at her for a moment, then nodded before setting her chopsticks down. "Well then. Do you have any plans on where we're heading?"

Kotori mulled her words audibly, giving her mind the chance to think it through in distraction. _Usually I theme the costumes with the song, but they haven't finished yet... Is that why I can't think of anything?_ Her eyes landed on Umi's, but she didn't realize. With her thoughts at precedence, her body had once again motioned to take bites of her lunch. It was an efficient reflex, Kotori thought. But unbeknownst to her, she was staring at Umi whilst slowly eating her meal.

"U-uh, Kotori?" Umi quirked an eyebrow at her, even Honoka who was silently enjoying her bread peered over to the ash-brunette. The sight almost made her laugh, but the azurette began to fidget under her gaze.

_Hmm... The fashion boutique near the station could be a good start, I haven't been there before and the clothes they had on the display window looked cute._ Kotori had tuned out the world, her mind completely switched to the fires of her interest. Fashion and clothes were one the few things that absorbed her into her thoughts once she started. Aside from having an eye and talent for it, inside her burned a passion to conceive gorgeous articles of clothing.

_I could show Umi-chan those cute skirts at the store near the maid café, but I don't think she'll like them. Umi-chan..._ Kotori's eyes refocused slowly, the blurred waves of deep blue hair coming onto clarity; along with honey gold eyes and cheeks dusted red.

"Umi-chan?" She let out, confused at the strange look the azurette was giving her, who swallowed deeply before tentatively opening her mouth.

"You uh, went silent for a minute. And you were staring at me quite intensely." _Oh._ Kotori sat dazed upon the realization. Her chopsticks clattered against her boxed lunch. She suddenly felt hot on her face. It could've been form embarrassment, but the ash-brunette wasn't sure. All she was sure about at this moment was that she had been silently staring at Umi. Pretty hard, coming from her words.

"I... Uh... A-ahaha..." Kotori was stammering out uselessly, her mind failing to cooperate. She was a mental inch away from hysterics until a voice erupted from behind her.

"A-ah, Umi-chan! You didn't know?" She turned to find Honoka staring nervously at the azurette but gave her a moment's glance before continuing. "Kotori-chan's using you as the main muse for this live's costumes!" Her words were a shaky confidence, her mouth an awkward grin.

"M-me?!" Umi asked, nonplussed. Giving her no time to evaluate her words, Honoka continued on.

"Yeah! She told me all about it last night. R-right, Kotori-chan?" An elbow bumped against Kotori's arm, snapping her to attention with a soft yelp. Brought back from silent embarrassment, she alternated her gaze between them, hearing nothing of their conversation except for the question directed at her. She trusted Honoka, so she'd try her luck with her for now.

"M-mmh! That's right!" Trying to ignore the lack of confidence in her voice, she faced back to Umi, who seemed to be reeling back from her own thoughts. Her eyes landed on the ash-brunette, letting out a soft hum of thought as she contemplated deeply. "Is that the reason you asked me to come with you this weekend?"

"U-uh..." Kotori didn't know what she meant, and her eyes turned to Honoka in silent desperation. All she got in return was a nod. "Y-yeah!" She crossed her fingers, hoping this time wouldn't end in a mess unlike most of her time with the whimsical ginger.

"Oh, I see. W-well, I'm flattered you chose me. So, I'll do my best to be of assistance for your costume designs, Kotori." Umi said in easy determination, flashing a kind smile to her. Kotori breathed a sigh of relief, glad that her lapse of attention in their conversation hadn't ended up with utter shame, failure, or being caught by Umi that she harbored feelings towards her. Kotori wanted at least to be mentally present when she knows.

Nodding in lieu of a response, she returned Umi's smile. "I'll do my best, t-too!"

Satisfied, the three returned to finish their lunches before the next period started. Honoka had long finished her bread, deciding to run to the cafeteria to buy more, and Umi was eating hers at a sedated pace. Kotori, however, didn't have the appetite. It seemed all right though, as her subconscious ate a portion of her lunch, judging from some parts missing in the box. But the two were alone, and she needed any activity to keep her distracted. At least her lunch tasted good, as always.

_Rice... Rice... Omelet... Rice... Tomato... This isn't working out._ Continuing would had probably drove her to insanity, so Kotori brought her attention away from her lunch and tried to focus on anything else. Unfortunately, there was nothing, but she had to keep searching before she'd find herself staring at Umi again.

Wandering eyes of sunlight gold latched onto the simple, yet elegant assortment of food in Umi's boxed lunch. It was an odd representation of how Umi acted and carried herself. Nothing flashy, simple yet elegant, all presented neatly without flaw. Even the way she ate had a sense of precision and elegance. It was a sight Kotori never noticed before. Well, no one would find themselves trying to analyze another's eating habits on a usual basis.

The ash-brunette hummed, accidentally garnering her attention. "Kotori?"

"Hm?" _Ah, I'm staring again!_ "O-oh, I was just... Wondering if you prepare your own lunch, Umi-chan!" She rubbed the back of her neck, hoping the lie would slide. Fortunately, her question was met with a curt nod. Umi's eyes wandered to the meal on her lap.

"I do, though today I put in some leftovers from dinner. My mother made too much, and suggested I brought some for lunch today." She picked up the food in question whilst she explained, narrowing her gaze at it before taking a bite. "It's very delicious, though." Umi remarked with a content sigh as she chewed. _It's nice to see her smile like this,_ Kotori thought. It was different in seeing her smile during practice, or even after the success of a live show. Right now, were the tiny everyday moments, and seeing her smile from seemingly mundane pleasures brought a smile to the ash-brunette.

"Would you like to try one, Kotori?" Umi's question brought her from her reverie, eyes adjusting as she saw the azurette pick up another from her lunch.

"I'd love to, Umi-chan!" She answered with a chirp, glancing down to pick up her chopsticks. But her hands stopped when her eyes looked back to Umi.

"All right, here." Umi hummed with a smile. Food pinched between chopsticks moved closer to her, an open hand hovered below in case anything fell. She was moving too fast for Kotori to say anything else. Before she could think, her lips parted, and received the meal in a fluid transaction she couldn't understand.

Quietly, she chewed. Her mind thought first on the delicious taste in her mouth. Second was the sudden warmth on her cheeks, and the realization that Umi had fed her. Using her own chopsticks, no less. Third was how natural it felt. Umi hadn't stopped to evaluate her course of action, and by the waiting look on her face, there wasn't going to be any second guessing that what she did fell on the azurette's category of _‘shameless acts.’_

But embarrassment was the minor byproduct. the major effect being the flutters in her stomach. Kotori was confused, yes, but she was happy.

"So, how is it?" Umi asked, looking to the ash-brunette in anticipation. Swallowing, Kotori smiled despite burning hot cheeks before speaking. "Y-you're right. It's tasty, Umi-chan!"

She smiled at her verdict, turning her gaze back down. "I'm glad to hear. Perhaps I should make them myself for next time, then."

Her words gave Kotori pause. _Next time? There's going to be a 'next time?' Umi-chan's going to do that again?_

Before her mind could spiral down further, an energetic voice tore through the quiet tranquility, along with another declaration of how tasty the bread was for today.

"What are you two doing, exchanging lunches?!" Honoka bounced in front of the two second years. Umi's hands were still a mere distance from Kotori, and she realized how they had inched closer to one another. Before Kotori could blush deeper, the ginger moved closer.

"Oh, can I have some too, Umi-chan? Aaah~" Honoka parted her lips in readied preparation, only to be pushed away by a flustered Umi.

"H-Honoka! T-that kind of behavior is shameless!"

"But Maki-chan, Hanayo-chan, and Rin-chan do it all the time!"

"T-that's different! And those first two are dating!" Their words muddled into an exchange of whines and sharp scolds for Kotori, tuning out the conversation to process the information of the last few minutes. It was too much for her to try and understand right now. The scene was seemingly mundane, but she was sure it would sear into her memory. However, at the surface of it, Kotori had realized one thing:

It felt nice to be fed by Umi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyhey
> 
> it's a little short this time, i think. i dunno i felt like it ended too quickly this chapter
> 
> sorta a little happy time before the big weekend yknow?
> 
> hoped you liked it


	5. Afterschool Navigation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Honoka is laying the pipework, what are the other members of μ's doing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyhey 
> 
> this took a while but i wanted to experiment with the other groups, but still move the story along so here ye go

"It was strange for Honoka to give us these, huh?" Maki thought aloud, feeling two slips of paper between careful fingertips. A quiet giggle erupted from beside her, leaning close against the redhead.

"Honoka-chan said they're only good for this weekend, and she's too busy with student council work to go herself. So, she gave them to me earlier today saying to enjoy ourselves."

Hanayo explained with an excited tune in her voice. Maki could easily tell why with the two tickets for crepe sampling at a new cafe in town. Though her girlfriend was enthusiastic, she remained suspicious.

"Yeah but, earlier Rin also got coupons to her favorite ramen shop from Honoka too. Don't you think something feels fishy?"

"Maybe they also last until this weekend?" Hanayo replied, her words more an unsure guess.

"But-" Maki was quickly silenced by a finger to her lips. A faint blush dusted her face a second after. She looked down, murky purple meeting her gaze.

"One shouldn't turn down the pleasures of delicious food, Maki-chan." Though her words were soft spoken, her tone was firm and invited no argument.

Maki huffed a sigh at the glistening determination in Hanayo's eyes, finding it difficult to oppose such fervent excitement. She learned that the brunette would become bolder when it came to her favorite topics. Food, rice, and idols had been the most prominent.

"I guess..." Hanayo smiled at her words, a look of victory on her face before she turned to rest her head against the redhead's shoulder. Maki couldn't help but smile as well. She still had her suspicions but spending time with her this weekend was music to her heart. Their live preparations were sure to become more hectic in the following weeks, so spending time together now seemed the best idea.

"I guess it's a... D-date then." Maki cursed at herself for stumbling over her words. A month of being together yet embarrassment still threatened to choke her words. She could count the times she said the word Love to the brunette on one finger. _It's an unspoken thing,_ she'd convince herself.

Hanayo pulled back to look up at her, cheeks flushed at her words. But she nodded after, giving the redhead a warm smile. One Maki easily returned.

They settled on a comfortable silence, both repressing the excitement for this weekend. For different reasons. Maki looked down at the brunette as she settled back against her shoulder, seeing her hum softly with an excited smile.

She moved her hand, prodding a finger against Hanayo's cheek. "We should think of more ideas other than getting food for our dates." Maki teased with a smirk, seeing the expected reaction from the brunette.

"M-Maki-chan?!" Hanayo burned a lively shade of red, looking up at her with a face of shock and embarrassment until simmering down quickly to a pout. Maki thought that an angry face never suited Hanayo _, she just looks like she's sulking really badly._

"Geez... You don't need to say it like that." She said amidst a look that tried to convey irritation. If Maki were to be openly honest, she'd say it was adorable.

Hanayo puffed her cheeks when the redhead only continued to poke them, eliciting amused laughter from her. "I'm not saying this is a bad thing," Maki replied between a laugh, abandoning the tickets in favor of gentle kneading both of Hanayo's cheeks. If other people saw her, she'd probably die from embarrassment, but the music room was almost a quiet sanctuary, and it was only the two of them inside at this moment.

"Smiling's a better look on you, Hanayo." Maki hummed out, hiding none of the amusement in her voice as she ignored her soft protests. It wasn't all bad for the brunette though. Her cold touch felt shocking against her skin. The way slender fingers brushed beneath her jaw filled Hanayo with a strange warmth inside her. She leaned into the touch, giggling softly at the ticklish sensation.

As for Maki, she was temporarily lost in the feeling of how soft Hanayo's cheeks were. Yes, she knew she loved all of her, but it was still a nice feeling she couldn't help but revisiting every chance they were alone. If Hanayo got to braid her hair from time to time, then she should be able to do this! She reasoned to herself that it was a natural exchange.

Eventually, her eyes focused on what she's been doing for the past minute or so. Maki felt her own face warm as she tried to pull away. The fluffy sensation was difficult to pry away from, but it was less from that and more of Hanayo's hands on hers that kept them there.

Their eyes met, and Maki was captured. Still, she tried to pull away. "W-we should be getting home... We don't have practice today, b-but..." Her words trailed into silence at the frown on Hanayo's face. Well, it was more of a mix between a frown and a pout, a mix that the redhead came to realize she could do quite well.

Fingers, much smaller than her own but no less pretty laced between their gaps. Hanayo kept her hands firm, then tilted her chin up slightly. All the while keeping her gaze on vivid violet. When Maki understood, she couldn't help but burst into a small bout of laughter.

Hanayo rammed her head against Maki's shoulder in a futile attempt to hide. Her face was red, her momentum completely lost as she let out low mumbles of shame too muffled for the redhead to hear.

Composing herself from her laughing fit, Maki tried to pull the brunette away to meet her gaze. She found that she couldn't without needing to apply force with the tight hands on hers and the light force from her head. The redhead felt guilty, but mainly she thought it was cute.

"Hanayo." Maki hummed against her hair in a soothing voice to lure her out. It worked, with the brunette pulling away to find her eyes. Hanayo swallowed, finding her words. Her face burning a deep red.

"M-Maki-" Was all she could breathe out before Maki closed the gap between them. Their kiss was brief, but Hanayo had completely forgotten what she was mad about.

As for Maki; Under the warmth of soft lips, she didn't understand why she wanted to pull away from Hanayo in the first place.

* * *

"So, let me get this straight... You want me to say I'm busy this weekend if Umi asks me?" Nico repeated Honoka's completely random request. The ginger nodded animatedly, flashing a grateful smile.

"Yup! It's important, Nico-chan!"

"Whatever you're planning isn't going to work." The raven stated dryly, placing her fists on her hips, staring up at Honoka.

"You don't know that! And I have a really good feeling about this plan, Nico-chan!" She defended, her words a fragile confidence. "Besides, Kotori-chan is excited about it, too."

Nico sighed exasperatedly, her words sounding familiar. Specifically, a few weeks ago familiar with her last 'brilliant plan' in getting Umi to recognize Kotori's feelings. All they accomplished in recognizing was how the azurette was denser than the wall she was leaning against.

"What makes this plan better than the other ones you both tried and failed spectacularly before?" Her words were crass but meant no insult to either Honoka or Kotori. She was simply seeing things from a neutral standpoint, and from her perspective it wasn't looking good for the ash-brunette.

"Because! They'll both be out of school." Honoka explained, wearing a look of pride at her ingenious plan. "If Umi-chan isn't distracted from all the school stuff, she can focus on Kotori more!"

Nico turned the possibility in her head, humming thoughtfully. Honestly, Honoka made sense, and if Kotori were to actually push through, there's a minuscule chance it could succeed.

Still, that's if all of the obvious hints and giveaways could overcome the Great Wall of Umi. Nico groaned, crossing her arms over herself as she stared Honoka down as if her entire plan could be read through the hopeful glint in crystal blue.

"...This weekend, right?" Nico sighed out, arms falling limp at her sides.

Honoka pumped a fist in the air, a victorious grin splitting her face. "Yes! Thank you so much, Nico-chan!"

The raven shrugged at her thanks, looking off to the side. "Well, the great Nico-nii could use a day off anyway." Her lips tugged to a cheeky grin at being able to spin this situation to her favor. Honoka paid no mind, satisfied with her cooperation. She was feeling optimistic. _That's four! Just two more and-_

A sharp clear of the throat brought the ginger out of her thoughts. Nico was giving her a doubtful look, hands worn on her hips.

"What are you gonna do about those two?" She quirked a brow. Although no names were said, Honoka knew the pair the raven was specifying. To Nico's surprise, her question was met with a confident grin. Moments later, the ginger produced a slip of paper from her blazer pocket, presenting it to the third year.

"I already have a plan!" Honoka said with a flourish. Nico eyed the colorful slip, deducing it to be a coupon of sorts. Suddenly, a thought came to her. An incredulous frown followed after.

"Wait!" Nico jutted a finger at the paper in Honoka's hand. "You've been bribing the others this whole time?!"

There was no verbal reply, only a sheepish smile and a sideways glance away from violent red eyes.

"What about me?!" Nico protested loudly but couldn't say more as the ginger was already at the doorway. The speed left her speechless momentarily. "Hey, Honoka-!"

"Ehe~ Thanks a bunch, Nico-chan!" With that, Honoka sped away, her feet echoing to silence down the hallway.

Nico's yells erupted from behind her but were ignored. She still had two more people on her list, and the plan was near to perfection. _Nothing can go wrong now!_

* * *

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Nozomi." A voice rang out from behind. Turning around, Nozomi flashed an excited grin at the blonde.

"Don't worry about it, Eli-chi. Shall we get goin'?" She offered her arm in jest, but Eli merely shook her head before walking, falling into step with the other third year. Heading out of campus grounds, they diverted from their usual route home to their usual route to the city. Free time during afternoons were becoming sparse, so the duo would take every opportunity for parfaits.

"So, who was on the phone?" Nozomi broke the silence between them, stepping close beside her with a curious grin.

"It was the producers we'll be working with for our next live show." Eli easily explained, suppressing a laugh at the disappointed look on Nozomi's face. "They wanted to know about our plans, so I was thinking of sending them what we've been working on so far later tonight."

"Eli-chi's responsible as ever, I see~" The purple-haired girl cooed, wrapping around the blonde's arm with an amused giggle. "Y'know, with all this responsibility you're still doin', I think you miss being the student council president."

"W-what are you saying, Nozomi?" Eli murmured lowly, blushing red from the bout of giggles from the girl next to her. Not wanting to let her have the upper hand, she looked to the side in mock thought, humming audibly. "Well, what if I said I do miss it?"

Nozomi blinked, then faked a surprised gasp at the blonde, bringing a hand to her own forehead, feigning despair. "Then poor ol' Nozomi will have to try her hardest again so Eli-chi can pay attention to me instead of that darn desk!"

"Hmm... At least the desk stayed awake with me during those long afternoons with paperwork," Eli remarked with a sly giggle, bursting into a proper laugh at Nozomi's soft punches at her arm.

"Geez! Eli-chi can be such a bully!" She huffed with a pout, wrapping tight against Eli. "She only cares about the school and not her best friend in the whole wide world!"

The blonde could only laugh at the sulking face she was putting on. Stifling her laughter after a while, her other hand moved up, resting slender fingers on her chin. "I do care about the school, you're right."

"Hey-"

"But, spending time together after school is fun too." Eli continued with a warm smile, silencing the purple-haired girl. "Being in μ's has been wonderful, but it being just the two of us is something I wouldn't trade for anything. Even for a hardworking desk." She tacked on the last part as a joke, but the girl at her side wasn't laughing. Instead, the impregnable Nozomi had a faint blush on her cheeks, her voice a stunned silence.

"W-what's with that? Gettin' sappy all of a sudden..." Nozomi nudged herself at the blonde's arm in an attempt to hide the flushed look on her face. Eli hummed at her silent victory. Two hands found each other, their fingers silently lacing as she moved closer.

No words were said, but everything needed to be understood had been done so through the shared warmth at their fingertips. Still, Eli didn't want to stop her bandwagon of victory.

"Oh, Nozomi has nothing to say? What's wrong, are you running a fever?" She provoked with a smirk, one Nozomi found when she pulled back to find her gaze. The redness on her cheeks had mostly subsided, and her usual composure returned.

"I'm just lovesick with all of Eli-chi's love!" Nozomi answered with a fervent voice, purposely louder to garner the attention of nearby ears. The goal was to embarrass Eli, its success evident on the sudden burst of red all over her face.

"H-hey! That's not fair, Nozomi!" Eli protested, tightening their grip as punishment. It wasn't enough to inflict pain, but the purple-haired girl dramatized, nonetheless.

"Kya! Eli-chi's love is painful~" She brought their joined hands up for them to see, straightening her fingers to show the blonde's still gripping at the gaps. Eli pulled away, red brightening her cheeks, pouting at the turn of events.

It was Nozomi's turn to laugh as she wrapped herself back around her arm. "Well, since ya' love spending time with me..." She paused, reaching into the pocket of her blazer. The short search garnered the blonde's attention, who watched her curiously as she produced a slip of paper.

"Ta-da! I stumbled upon this today," Nozomi said with a proud smile, handing the slip to Eli for her to inspect.

"Grilled meat?" A knowing smile played across her face, but still, she sighed in defeat. "If you keep eating, you're going to get fat, you know?"

Nozomi waved a hand, as if swatting away the blonde's concerns. "We'll be practicing lots soon, so I can work it off! And besides, it only lasts this weekend, so it would be a waste not to use it, right?" Her words were strongly convincing, as if they were rehearsed. Or told to her by someone else.

Eli hummed in thought, examining the slip briefly before handing it back to Nozomi. The initial silence worried her, until a smile finally showed from the face of apprehension.

"Sure, it sounds like fun. If you don't oversleep again, that is." Eli jabbed with a light laugh. Nozomi shook her head, but the smile on her own lips could tell the blonde everything. Their hands found each other again, and the feeling of intertwining fingers was familiar.

"Yay~ I get a day full of Eli-chi all to myself." Nozomi hummed joyously. Eli gave her a look, then smiled. Icy blue met emerald, and nothing else needed to be said.

"You better not spend all of today daydreaming about this weekend." Eli said with a soft sigh. Nozomi giggled, giving her arm a soft tug forward. "Then we better walk faster, Eli-chi."

Though she said that, neither wanted to break from their comfortable pace. The sun had creeped low behind the tall structures, but they remained warm.

"So, pay for my share this tim-"

"No."

Nozomi clicked her tongue but nudged herself closer to Eli in a vain effort to change her mind. She would cave in, though, and the prospect of a free parfait spurred her on.

"Alright, alright fine." The blonde gave in with an exasperated sigh. She glanced to her side, finding her mischievous grin. "You better pay for next time, Nozomi..." Eli murmured, wincing at the fate of her allowance.

"Eli-chi's too good for me!" She rejoiced, hugging close but this time keeping herself there. Nozomi felt warm at her deep understanding towards Eli. If she was a maze, then she'd have a map to navigate her towards the center.

Though, if it was Eli, Nozomi wouldn't mind if she got lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> la la la la la la la
> 
> yume no meiro 
> 
> yuri no meiro 
> 
> hi hello i hope you enjoyed and let me know what you think
> 
> the next chapter will be back to our sea gull not couple but i hope you like this little afterschool side story type thing


	6. Spanner In The Works

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything was according to plan. Was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyhey
> 
> took a while since i had a plan but i decided to split it into 2 chapters because suspense
> 
> but anyhow i hope u enjoy

"Subunit performances?!" Everyone repeated simultaneously. Eli stood in front of the whiteboard only sighed softly in response.

"Yes. I got a call last night from the people we're working with for the next live," She paused, collecting a quiet breath before continuing. "They decided to change the program due to an influx of more school idol performances. But the problem is that too many are in smaller groups of three to four. They apologized, but what do their rest of you think?"

Icy blue scanned the room, watching the varied responses from each member of μ's. Her eyes stopped upon finding Umi, Kotori, and then finally Maki. "For you three, it will be more work. So..."

Silence fell for but a short moment. Everyone's eyes gathered on the three the blonde singled out. Maki was the first to speak. "Well, it's not like we haven't done this before, right?"

Kotori followed through with a nod, her voice an optimistic chirp. "Yeah! And we have a bit more time, too!"

The rest trailed their gazes to the last member: Their lyricist, for her opinion on the matter. The moment's lack of response grew heavy in the air, until a clear voice broke through it. "It is indeed a bit sudden, but I'll do my best."

At Umi's words, the whole room lit up with energetic smiles. Honoka rose up in her seat, riled up with excitement. "All right! Let's give it our all!" Rin eagerly responded with a hell of her own, with Hanayo and Nozomi right behind with tamer energies. Eli sighed at the scene, turning her attention back to the three.

"It would be unfair for the three of you to work on everything alone, so each subunit will be working together on each preparation."

"Same as usual, then?" Maki nodded at Eli's instruction, dancing her eyes between her two subunit members. Kotori and Umi did the same with their own.

"All right," Eli clapped her hands, gathering everyone's attention to her. Even the excitement bled to her smile, in full display. "Let's do our best, everyone."

"Yeah!" The eight shouted in unison. After, Eli explained in further detail their schedule on composing each song, their respective lyrics and the costumes. The blonde showed suspicious surprise at the reveal of the school idol research club's high budget, a look that didn't meet Honoka's, but Nozomi was quick to brush little details aside for now.

After Eli, Umi walked to the board to explain a new training regimen. Thankfully for everyone else, she cut back on some hours for the first few weeks as to focus on the live show preparations.

At the corner of the room, Kotori barely listened to her explanation. Her eyes were on the azurette, but it had been for another reason.

A quiet sigh escaped between parted lips. As she stared at Umi, she was starting to worry that her plans for this weekend wouldn't come to fruition.

"Kotori?" The call of her name brought her out of her depressive thoughts, finding Eli stood up and Umi back at her seat at the table. "Are there any problems with the costume designing?"

"No problem at all!" The ash-brunette responded in a half-lie. "I'll send some ideas next week for each subunit to see." Eli nodded to her words and faced back to the rest of the group.

"All right! With that out of the way, let's get to practicing."

Sounds of chairs dragged across the floor and idle chatter seemed distant in Kotori's ears, her thought taking precedence in her mind. Designing costumes for their three subunits was always tricky. Even with her own drafts she'd ultimately draw ideas from the suggestions of each subunit. They had different vibes, and with that came varying songs, lyrics, and costume themes.

Of course, the rest of μ's would assist wherever they can, with Hanayo and Nico being quite handy with needles and thread. It was also a fun challenge for Kotori to design with new themes unfamiliar to her with Lily White's fervent insistence for long, flowing, elegant dresses and BiBi's surprising preference for black leather. Even the designs for her own subunit, Prinptemps, weren't without its challenges and ventures into new territory with fashion design. But, at the end of the day, it was fun, and she loved seeing everybody wearing her costumes.

However, every subunit live they ever performed would come at the cost of busy weeks of preparation. Composing a song, writing lyrics and sewing costumes once for the entire group of nine was easier in comparison.

Kotori's eyes wandered to the room, seeing Umi slip into her shirt. Knowing her diligence, she'd be tied down for the rest of the upcoming weeks writing lyrics for the songs. And that'd mean their weekend together would be put in jeopardy. Worst case scenario cancelled outright.

The ash-brunette could already hear the many reasonable excuses the azurette would say if she brought it up. Even from the top of her head, she couldn't refute it.

"Kotori-chan?" She squeaked out at the sudden touch on her shoulder, whipping her head to find Rin drawing back in surprise.

"Y-You surprised me, Rin-chan..." Kotori looked past the short ginger hair, finding the rest already out the door. She looked down, and already found herself completely changed into her training attire. She was getting used to automating mundane tasks subconsciously whilst despairing internally, and she wasn't sure that it was a good thing.

"Umi-chan asked me to check on you, nya." Rin pointed out, gesturing to the door. "Is everything all right? Are you sick, nya?"

"Umi-chan did?" Kotori repeated under a hushed breath, earning a curious look from the first year. She shook her head, dispelling her thoughts before they spiraled. "I'm fine, Rin-chan. Let's go!" She clasped her hands together, then made to the door.

"Ah! Wait for me, Kotori-chan!" Rin yelled out, catching up to her at the doorway. With the ginger's exuberance, Kotori was able to keep her thoughts away from her own, and practice would do the same for the rest of the day.

* * *

Practice was only a temporary reprieve, and Kotori's thoughts eventually wandered back to Umi. Even amongst the chatter as they changed to their uniforms, her eyes wandered back to her.

"We'll be going ahead, everyone." Nozomi said with a lively hum, standing at the door besides Eli. The rest said a discord of goodbyes before the duo left the room. At the click of the door, there was a short silence.

"They couldn't wait to get all over each other, huh?" Nico remarked with a frown, adjusting the bow on her collar.

"Nico! That kind of talk is shameless!" Umi snapped with a scolding tone, the whole room erupted into a sea of chatter, fueled by the newfound topic.

"Maybe they're going out on a date?" Honoka threw out, slinging her bag over a shoulder. Rin made a noise of agreement at her words.

"Honoka-chan could be right! They look as close as Kayo-chin and Maki-chan. If not even closer, nya!" She made an obvious glance at Maki, expecting a retort or a heated reaction from the redhead. Instead, Maki nodded at her words, eyes to the door.

"Hmm... Maybe you're onto something, Rin." The ginger pouted at the lack of response, it was a look Hanayo struggled to not laugh at, who walked over to console her best friend.

The nature of Eli and Nozomi's relationship was basically unknown to the rest of μ's. They knew next to nothing aside from whatever Nico would say regarding the two third years, and even then, her information was little. She was either keeping her lips sealed to respect their privacy or she didn't know, as the raven tended to be more self-centered. The rest decided to believe on the former.

The unknown made Kotori's thoughts run free, and it wouldn't be a complete lie to say that Eli and Nozomi had been an icon in her confidence of love. Thinking of the two in a secret rendezvous of romance seemed a bit shameless, but it was all in the safety of her mind. So, she could think away!

"Ah, Umi-chan! Are you heading to archery club?" Kotori's eyes looked over, noticing the azurette adjusting her _gi._ The question was sudden for Umi, who had been idly changing clothes amidst the group's conversation.

"Yes. Our activities might keep me from archery club activities, so I'll be going whenever I can this week." Just hearing that brought down more of Kotori's hope. She had known that Umi would sometimes practice during weekends and even term breaks for archery. _Another reason for this weekend not to happen,_ she thought to herself. The entire situation almost felt humorous, and Kotori just wanted to get home as fast as possible and let the four corners of her bedroom bear the cries of her despair.

"How about you, Kotori-chan?" Honoka was now in front of her, waving a hand over her face to get her attention. She received a smile from the ginger when she finally did. "I got to grab some reports from the student council room!"

"Ah! L-let me help you, Honoka-chan!" She scrambled to reply, returning a clumsy smile. It was a distraction, if anything. If she walked home alone, who knows how many stops she'd make so she could drown her sorrows in sweets.

"With the two of us, we can get it done quickly!" Taking her hand, Honoka swiftly made her way out of the room with Kotori in tow. Umi made a scolding remark about not running the halls, but the ginger didn't stop for it.

* * *

"Geez, Eli-chan and Nozomi-chan used to do this all the time?" Honoka complained with a tired sigh, leaning back on her seat to stretch. With herself and Honoka, the task of organizing club reports went faster than expected, with the afternoon sky still a bright orange glow. Kotori looked off to the window, down to the dwindling numbers of students passing by.

The thoughts she tried to ignore eventually crawled back at the lack of distractions for her mind. It'd be a new record this time if this plan failed before it even began. _Optimistic as always, Kotori..._ She sighed deeply, resting her chin on a propped hand.

"Everything all right, Kotori-chan?" The ginger's voice behind her was filled with a knowing concern, and in the privacy of the student council room, she didn't bother to put up a cheery disposition. Not like she could right now, anyway.

"No..."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"...Not really." Kotori said with a sad sigh, sinking low to the desk at her front, arms crossed to hide her face. It felt stupid to feel sad about this. Nothing had even happened, and she can't help but despair. Whether knowing it was worth it or not aside, the clear show of the odds sent her mind to a pitiful hopelessness.

The ginger made a difficult face, one the ash-brunette couldn't see. She could only hear the sounds of the afternoon and the quiet set of footsteps beside her. Suddenly, she felt a warm touch on her shoulder, then warmth snaked over her back before she felt a gentle pull. Before she knew what was going on, Kotori was wrapped in an embrace by Honoka.

She leaned into the gentle warmth, feeling nothing but guilt at being so reliant on her best friend. It was her own problems, her own troublesome love. Yet, she couldn't do anything but rely on Honoka. Even now.

"You were smiling and everything just yesterday." She spoke quietly, just enough for the both of them to hear. Slowly, Kotori shifted, resting her head on the ginger's chest. Her breathing was even, the rise and fall of her chest a gentle rhythm. Wetting her lips, Kotori's voice was a small whisper.

"I don't think this weekend's going to work, Honoka-chan..." She admitted her fears in a shaky breath. The ash-brunette notice how her breath hitched at that moment.

"You don't trust my plan?"

Kotori shook her head against the ginger's chest, looking off to the side. "I do. But... We might be too busy now... Umi-chan might be too busy with the change of plans for our next live."

"Too busy for even you, Kotori-chan?" Honoka whispered back, relaxing her hold on the ash-brunette. Surprised, she pulled away. Sunlight gold looked up at crystal blue, below that was the same energetic smile she wore all the time.

"I..." When no words left her lips, the ginger continued on.

"You know, Umi-chan's probably still at archery club right now." She knew the meaning behind those words, but the smile wasn't returned. Looking away, Kotori tacked her gaze to a spot on the desk.

"I don't know. What if... What if I'm just bothering her?" She mumbled out, barely enough to reach Honoka's ears. But it did, and she could only chuckle in response.

"Honoka-chan?" Confused, she looked back at her. Pulling away, Honoka turned her chair to face Kotori.

"You've always been a bit indecisive, Kotori-chan." She began with a nervous laugh. Bringing up the incident that nearly tore apart μ's was a difficult subject for Honoka. They had moved came out of it a stronger group, but Kotori always saw the guilt lingering in her eyes whenever the conversation would head towards it. Her cautiousness on the matter was a fact unknown to the other members.

"You have to work on saying what's on your mind, okay?" Taking her hands into her own, Honoka found her gaze. Crystal blue were nothing but a firm confidence, her lips an easy smile.

"I know, but-" The gentle shake of her head halted Kotori's words. Once silent, the ginger continued.

"But you have to trust Umi-chan, too! We've known her since we were both kids, and she isn't the type of person to forget about a friend." Pulling their hands close to her chest, Honoka spoke with a fervor. Her words pierced deep, addressing her latest fear and providing reassurance in one simple breath. Kotori thought it was frankly amazing that Honoka was able to say the perfect thing at the right time. For all her nature as an airhead, below was a caring friend.

"Honoka-chan..." Kotori spoke after a stunned silence. Suddenly, she felt the wetness on her cheeks and then the look of worry on the ginger's face, who broke her hands away to frantically hover around her. "A-ah! Did I say something wrong?! Was it because I used the word, 'friend?'"

Even with how caring she is, her airhead nature will always be there. But it was what made Honoka who she was, and Kotori was thankful. Wiping away tears with her sleeve, she then stood up, a renewed wind blowing her sails. Not from her own confidence, but with a blind trust.

"I'm going ahead, Honoka-chan!" Evening her voice, she called out to the room. Rising out from her own chair, Honoka gave a look of concern.

"Where are you going? Home?"

Kotori shook her head, finally returning a smile. "I'm going to Umi-chan. I'll ask her myself about this weekend!"

"Really?!" Honoka gave a look of shock at her words, as if the last few minutes had never happened. That or she didn't believe her quick change of heart.

But Kotori's heart was a fickle muscle. It fluttered and faltered at the drop of a hat, but unlike her mind she wouldn't give up this love easily.

"Yup!" Grabbing her bag, she made for the door, the stunned Honoka could only follow her movements with her eyes. "Go home ahead without me, Honoka-chan!" Opening the door, she gave an optimistic grin. Genuine despite the wet sheen of her cheeks.

Honoka's hands moved with a familiar flourish, pumping two fists to her cheeks as she returned her smile. "Fight on, Kotori-chan!"

Kotori chirped, then she was out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> protect honkers always


	7. Umi's Trust and Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With wind in her sails, Kotori goes to clarify her weekend with Umi. It was far from an actual confession, but you have to start somewhere, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo it me
> 
> i should try to update more regularly
> 
> anyways enjoy

Hearing her echoed steps down the hall, Kotori was confident as she walked down the stairs.

Feeling the late afternoon sun on her fair skin as she walked through Otonokizaka, Kotori held determination, prototyping words in her thoughts.

Stopping her feet as her sights landed on the archery building, Kotori felt nervous. Her steps a careful quiet as if the faintest noise would ruin something.

Slipping her shoes off and into a locker, Kotori debated leaving and trying again tomorrow.

The walk from the student council room all the way to the archery club had been quiet and did her no favors for her nerve. It had seemed that she left all her confidence back in the room with Honoka, or that the ginger was merely sharing her own and the distance disconnected her.

Despite nervous steps, she pushed on. Her thoughts frantically reminded her to trust Umi, ignoring every urge to run away as she inched closer to the main hall. It was merely a few steps, but it felt like a mile.

Her feet stepped onto the main floor, glancing at the polished wood floorboards, then to the pattern of tatami mats. Around were an assortment of archery equipment, one side a large opening for the shooting range. Targets sat at the far end, where arrows were lodged within them.

On initial inspection, the hall seemed to be empty. Kotori had guessed training lasted at the same time as μ's practice, so everyone in the archery club had already gone home. This assumption didn't last long when her eyes landed on a fine waterfall of dark blue hair.

Near the edge of the hall faced towards the archery range, Umi sat with her eyes closed. Her shoulders heaved in slow, but steady intervals. Slowly, she stood up, picking up the bow at her side on the way up.

Kotori watched with undivided attention as she notched on an arrow, raising her arms and drawing the string back, aiming at the target in front of her. The ash-brunette held her breath, glued at every movement Umi made. Her form looked perfect, a face of concentration sparing no attention from the target. The azurette remained there, as if time stopped at that moment.

Then, she loosed the arrow. It was a near instant. Then the arrow hit dead on the target's center, it's tip buried within the hay. Kotori stared at the shot arrow in awe when it found its mark perfectly, turning back to find a satisfied smile on Umi's face. The noise echoed faintly before silence. But after, another sound filled the hall.

Umi hummed a tune, her feet shuffling lightly to her own voice. Bathed in orange glow, the azurette began to sing. Without words, but just the melody. Her voice was like silk, and Kotori fell into a trance. Watching her with rapt attention.

She spun on her heels, flourishing her free hand in time with her voice. It was like Umi had finished a performance that wasn't met for anybody. But Kotori had seen it, and she thought it was absolutely captivated.

She had probably made a noise. A squeak, or anything that drew attention because a second after, Umi snapped to the door, finding Kotori's gaze as the girl had her hands tightly wrapped to the wall. "K-Kotori?!"

The ash-brunette laughed awkwardly, caught in the act. "G-good work today, Umi-chan..."

"W-what are you-?!" Umi stopped, taking a moment to compose herself before speaking once more. "What are you doing here, Kotori? I thought you were with Honoka in the student council room."

Releasing her grip from the wall, Kotori walked further into the archery dojo, heading towards the azurette in small steps. "W-we finished, and Honoka had to hurry home and I thought you'd still be here practicing..." Her words trailed off with a nervous laugh, feeling lame at her excuse.

"Oh... T-thank you for thinking about me. And I'm just finishing up for today." Umi glanced back to the arrow she shot with a smile before looking back at her.

"That's good timing then! We could walk home together, Umi-chan!" Her voice was the only manifestation of her earlier confidence, and the ash-brunette was going to hold onto any ounce of courage she had.

It was a much-needed sight to see Umi nod her head, pointing to her bag left on a bench against the far wall. "If you don't mind waiting, I'll get changed right away."

Kotori hummed out with cheer, returning the nod with a wide smile. "I'll wait outside then, Umi-chan!" She said before turning away towards the door, reveling in the fuzzy feeling in her chest. Her victories were little, but she treasured each and every one.

As she left, Kotori stole one last glance to the training hall. Umi walked to retrieve her bag before heading towards a changing room. Despite being the only other person in the building, she refused to change in a public space. If the ash-brunette pointed it out, she'd likely be yelled for entertaining such shameless behavior.

Still, she closed the door behind her, bouncing on the balls of her feet as she waited by the door. The sky's orange was now stained with a meld of purple, the dying rays of the sun setting past Otonokizaka. It was getting late, and they would separate at the usual intersection on the way home.

Kotori looked back to the door and gulped. As soon as Umi left through those doors, it would be now or never. The coming days will sure to bog them down, and they were alone without anybody to interrupt them. There was no better moment.

"I can do this..." She whispered to herself, crouched down slightly to psyche herself up. Focusing on a rather inspiring piece of pavement, Kotori repeated her words like a prayer to keep her nerve. She couldn't hear anything else aside from her mumbles and the quickening of her heart. Not the breeze, and not the door opening behind her.

"Kotori?"

She yelped, whipping around to find Umi staring curiously. She changed back into her uniform; a bag slung on her shoulder. "U-Umi-chan?!"

"Yes?" Umi quirked a brow at the ash-brunette, stepping in front of her. Realizing her current posture, she shot up straight, nervousness lagging her thought.

"Are you all right, Kotori? You look a little red." Raising a hand, the azurette felt her forehead. Her touch was warm, and if Kotori wasn't blushing yet, she was sure she was now.

"I-I'm just fine!" She had to suppress a whine when she stepped away from Umi's hand. She can yell at herself for her depravity later, for now she needed to hold herself together. _Ask about this weekend. Simple, right?_

"Then, shall we go home?" Nodding, Kotori followed after Umi, falling in step with her. Fighting against still silence, the ash-brunette struck up idle conversation to fill the air between them. It also doubled up as her stalling to gather her courage, all but lost a few moments ago.

As they walked through the campus, the two conversed like usual. Umi would bring out the day's frustration and Kotori, positive as ever, would cheer her up. Leaving through the gate, they were both laughing as the conversation flowed naturally from one topic to another.

"We could stop by Homura for some manjuu if you're craving for some, Umi-chan!" In response, she shook her head with reluctant determination.

"We must watch our weight, especially for the upcoming weeks! Besides, I already had a few this morning. Anymore and I would be as careless as Honoka."

Kotori laughed, giving her a nudge on the shoulder. "She's trying hard in her own way too, you know."

"You're right, and I shouldn't talk in her absence. How rude of me." Umi said in apology, though it sounded more to Kotori than to their friend.

"You can make it up to her by buying some fresh Homura buns on the way home, then!" She chirped, tempting the azurette's fortitude with guilt and her favorite sweets.

"Kotori..." Umi mumbled with a pout, her expression blatant that she was considering the ash-brunette's suggestion.

Their conversation was light and held no meaning. Just passing conversation between friends. A little more jabs and teasing than usual, but this was the product from a friendship cultivated from childhood. Kotori knew what topics she liked, what embarrassed her, and what made her laugh. Umi's reaction was something that she enjoyed. Something that brightened up her day.

She couldn't have predicted she'd fall in love with something she experienced every day.

The familiar atmosphere of friendly conversation was dispelled when she noticed Umi was no longer at her side. Stopping, Kotori turned around to meet her eyes. Then, their surroundings began to look familiar.

"Then, I'll see you tomorrow, Kotori." She blinked when she realized that they had walked all the way to the intersection. The conversation fogged their walk, and they were there before she realized.

_W-what do I say?!_ Kotori's mind went into discord. In the storm of jumbled words and difficult feelings, she tried to pull words to say. Meanwhile, she could only stare at disbelief at Umi, who grew curious at her sudden silence.

"Koto-" She tried to speak but was quickly cut out by a shrill squeal that rivaled Hanayo.

"U-Umi-chan!" Her words were breathless, more as a buffer while she kept stringing a sentence together in her head.

"Yes? What is it?"

This was it! But, how should Kotori ask her? _'Umi-chan, do you still want to go out this weekend?' No, no!_ It made her sound like she was asking the azurette out, and Gods knew she hadn't prepared her heart for confessing. _How about..._

_'Umi-chan. What's more important, μ's practice or me?!' Definitely not!_ Her mind was grasping at straws, each hypothetical attempt more disastrous than the last. Nothing seemed to hit the mark that didn't paint her as desperate, obvious, or too vague. She gulped; her throat suddenly dry. _Then..._

_Umi-chan! I love yo-' Aaah!_ Her internal cry leaked out but was thankfully a low moan of despair. In front of her, Umi remained confused, seeing the series of complicated faces Kotori was wearing in quick succession.

"I-If there's nothing, then," She started, shifting her feet to her usual road home. "Get home safe, Kotori."

"Wait!" Her yell cleared away the cluttered thoughts. In its place was the sight of Umi. Honey gold met sunlight gold. Her prepared words were gone, and any moment of inaction would lose her this chance.

Sucking in a breath, she shut her eyes.

"Umi-chan!"

"Y-yes?" Stopped in her tracks, Umi kept her gaze.

"A-about this weekend... Are we still meeting up for this weekend?!" Kotori yelled out. Any quieter felt like it wouldn't reach the azurette's ears.

There was a silence in the air, and it weighed heavily on her chest. Umi had a look mixed of confusion and concern. Kotori watched her lips part to speak, every moment seemingly in slow motion.

"Yes? You asked personally for my help, and I'm more than happy to oblige." Umi replied easily, though her tone hadn't masked her puzzlement of the sudden question.

Air suddenly entered Kotori's lungs, and she felt the chill of the evening on her skin. It contrasted the warmth radiating on her cheeks. Her emotions were a mess, but on the surface, she was happy. Expelling a long breath, her eyes fluttered open, half-lidded at Umi.

"Good," She hummed out, her tone quieter. "I'm glad, Umi-chan..."

"May I ask why?" Umi asked, stepping closer to her.

Kotori thought to lie, passing the reason off as merely making sure. But she thought back to earlier in the student council room. To what Honoka said as she sunk low on the desk.

_'You have to trust Umi-chan, too!'_ The memory of her words was enough for her to be honest. Rooting her feet where they stood, the ash-brunette spoke.

"We're going to become busier and busier now. I thought that, uh... I'd be bothering you since you also have so much to do..." Kotori looked away from her gaze, rubbing at the cold nipping at her shoulder. Still, words continued to spill from her lips.

"You also have to work on three songs too! And it's just..." Forcing herself to look back, Kotori met the azurette's gaze. Her eyes had a look familiar to her, and her words smoked out. "...Sorry, I'm going on and on."

"Kotori." Umi spoke out with a firm, yet gentle voice. The sunlight behind her was dim, yet her eyes were just as bright. "This weekend is important to you, right?"

Wordlessly, Kotori nodded.

"Then this weekend is important to me, as well." How easy the words left her lips shocked the ash-brunette. The weight of anxiety and fear dissipated into the darkening sky, replaced with nothing but Umi's words and the growing heat on her face.

Betraying her optimism, she tried to dampen her concrete statement. "But, Umi-chan! I-"

Umi held her hand up, stilling Kotori's words. "We'll all be busy starting today, yes. However, I promised that I would accompany you to find ideas for you costumes, Kotori."

"You never actually promised, actually..." Honoka would've slapped her for nitpicking her words, but Kotori couldn't help herself.

Umi frowned at the ash-brunette, who flinched at the sudden shift in expression. In a motion too fast for Kotori to prepare or deflect, Umi landed a chop on the top of her head. The contact left a quiet noise and it hadn't hurt. Still, it stunned the ash-brunette for the second time today.

"Kotori. So as long I am physically able, I promise to go with you this weekend." Umi said with a huff, peering past her hand to find Kotori's eyes. When she did, she smiled. "That's that. Is there anything else on your mind?"

Kotori shook her head slowly, Umi's hand rubbing against ash-brunette hair. She tried not to pay attention to the warm feeling.

"Good," Pulling her hand away, the azurette took a step back. "We can text the details to each other, okay?" She said with a warm tone. The chop to her head must've had shut off her brain, because Kotori couldn't find words to respond. She could only nod.

"Get home safe, Kotori." With that, Umi turned away from her, walking down the road that led to her home. Kotori stared at her back, stood in a daze at the road intersection. Mumbling words that tried to sound as a goodbye beneath her breath, Kotori started towards her own path back to her house.

Once again, she was left confused, but elated at the events that transpired. She could say she was happy that her weekend with Umi was happening, after all. _But..._

"Was Umi-chan always that cool?" The scene unfolded like one of her romance stories, leaving her stunned and wordless. Remembering her warm smile, and the hand on her hair, heat rushed to her face.

The evening air echoed frantic steps as Kotori rushed home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they're both a pair of dorks and i love them i hope their weekend goes well


	8. A Phone Call Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With her thoughts keeping her from anything productive, Kotori decides to make a phone call to replace her worries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeaahh this took a while sorry about that
> 
> i wanted a chapter before the big weekend, but i wasnt sure what
> 
> so i decided to experiment with a phone call conversation. lemme know how i did
> 
> enjoy

_'Then this weekend is important to me, as well.'_

Umi's words repeated in Kotori's head, acting like a fog in her mind that sent her into bouts of embarrassment whenever she remembered. Unfortunately, the incident just happened a few hours ago and it was fresh in her memory. However, though her cheeks burned, and her face was flushed an impossible red, she felt flutters in her stomach, and she'd struggle to still her giggles.

When Kotori got home, she had to do a few things. One was to explain her later than usual return from school and the reason her face was flushed. Since she ran all the way back, she used that as an excuse. Luckily, her mother believed her, with the inspection of the sweat on her daughter's body and clothes.

The next thing the ash-brunette had to do was to cool herself down. Finally, away from her mother's scrutiny, she was finally able to think about how hot her entire body felt. Then, she regretted thinking about it, as she quickly broke into an embarrassed mess yelling into her pillow. A warm bath was relaxing, but a cold shower was what she needed. Kotori couldn't afford to let her mind melt and flow freely. She needed a metaphorical slap.

Once finished and changed into more comfortable clothes, dinner was a quick and silent affair, earning her odd looks from her household. But she didn't spare a moment to care, as her mind was anywhere but her home right now.

When the door to her bedroom clicked shut, she had thrown herself onto the bed, letting her emotions flourish. The bed drank in her cries of embarrassment, and the walls muffled her.

"Umi-chan, it's not fair!" Shouting into her favorite pillow, Kotori looked over to her desk where a corkboard had a multitude of pictures stuck onto its surface. She focused on a picture of herself with Umi and Honoka. It was during a birthday party back when they were in middle school.

Studying the picture for only but a moment, she sank low into the soft texture, stealing one last look. "Was I already in love with her that early on?" In the picture, Kotori and Honoka huddled with Umi and a cake in the middle, cheek against cheek. She sighed. _I probably did but didn't notice..._

Reaching for her phone at her side, she scrolled through her contact list, landing her thumb on Umi's name and her contact icon. Kotori huffed and closed the messaging app, deciding that if her mind thought of Umi for any longer tonight, she might possibly explode.

Shifting to lay on her back, eyes wandered around the blank ceiling. Then, her mind thought back to the warm hand on her head. It was more of a chop to her head, but her thumping heart liked to view positively.

Lifting her phone into view, she debated reporting the news to Honoka. Likely, the ginger would be worried if she didn't reply, but Kotori didn't feel like talking right now.

She wanted to yell. Her emotions had grown for mere talking to express herself. But she didn't want anyone to know how far she has fallen for the azurette. The others knowing is one thing, knowing _how much_ is another. Umi had consumed some of her nights, took up space in the castles she'd built in the clouds of her thoughts, and claimed the treasure that was her maiden heart.

"Ah! What am I thinking about?!" Covering her face, Kotori curled into herself on the bed, recoiling from her own thoughts. She didn't need to express how deep into the rabbit hole she gone, and most certainly not in an internal monologue.

"Maybe calling her will help..." She stared to her phone, mulling the idea in her head. If she could think of Umi in a usual light, she might just be able to sleep tonight. The cool Umi that swooned her earlier this evening if left in her head wouldn't be productive for her night.

Nodding determinedly, the ash-brunette resolved to call her, picking up the phone and dialing before second thoughts would prevent her.

The dialing tone was loud, her feet running cold from the anticipation. Then it stopped, a familiar, gentle voice on the other side of the speaker.

"Good evening, Kotori," Umi greeted, as proper as ever. Kotori gulped; suddenly aware her throat was dry.

"U-Umi-chan! Good evening." And she was out of things to say. She panicked, nearly dropping the phone in her momentary panic. "A-ah, did you get home safe?"

"I did, thank you for asking. And you?" Her reply was calm, her voice crisp even through the device. It sent a shiver down Kotori's spine, and it muddled her thoughts.

"I uh, got back fine too." Wetting her dry lips, she cobbled together a response. _Was talking with Umi always this hard?_

"I'm glad to hear. So, did you need something?"

"U-uh... I was, er... Going to talk about details for this weekend!" She mentally gave herself a high five for her quick thinking, glad that nobody was in her room to see the dumb accomplished smile plastered across her face. "If you're not busy right now, Umi-chan."

"Right now is fine." Umi said on the other side of the line. Kotori breathed deeply, calming the frantic pace of her heart. Their call could either calm her down or drive her mind further into the ground.

"G-great! So, how does ten o' clock sound?" The ash-brunette suggested with a chirp, taking the conversation slow. Of course, she wanted to hear Umi for as long as she can, but not long enough to forget speaking in favor of just hearing her words right up against her ear, even through a phone speaker.

"Ten in the morning?" She repeated, her voice hiding none of her hesitation in the notion. "Would it be all right if we meet a little earlier?" The azurette asked with a hopeful tint in her voice, but Kotori shook her head despite the other not seeing the action.

"We're not going to meet at eight in the morning on a weekend, Umi-chan." Kotori said with a stern voice but giggled at the whine on the other side of the line. She knew that Umi was one to wake up early, but that fact became evident to herself and Honoka during one sleepover when they were younger. She thought that she'd indulge in more hours of rest in high school, but Kotori guessed she woke up at even earlier hours.

Sure, some of her early morning activities comprised of practice and exercise for their school idol activities, but seven in the morning was too much for Kotori. She needed her beauty sleep, after all.

"Fine..." She could hear the pout in Umi's voice, but still her precious hours of sleep overpowered her desire to put a smile on her face. She could just do that this weekend, if she keeps her nerves.

"Great! We'll meet at the park where we used to play as kids." Kotori hummed cheerily. It was a place she would never forget. It was the first time she met Umi, after all.

"The park where Honoka almost fell off a tree she tried to climb up?" Umi clarified with a quiet sigh, eliciting a soft laugh from the ash-brunette.

"The very same one!"

"I swear, she hasn't grown up much since then." She lamented with a low murmur, but with the speaker against her ear, Kotori heard every word.

"That's mean, Umi-chan." Umi brushed her remark away with another, and the main reason for Kotori calling quickly escaped them. Just like their walk home, their conversation jumped from one to another, leading nowhere but enjoying each word shared from one another. Kotori was smiling as she got comfortable on the bed, her phone held firmly against her ear. She hoped Umi was the same on the other side of the line.

Amidst their conversation, a noise distant from the speaker brought Umi's attention away, her voice muffled as she talked. After a moment, her voice was once again clear. "I'm being called. Please wait a moment, Kotori."

"Sure! I'll be right here, Umi-chan!" Kotori chirped, and the phone crackled softly before her voice echoed away, presumably to leave her room. With her mind away from the conversation, her eyes wandered around her room, landing on the wall clock above.

It was almost eleven in the evening. Kotori blinked, then did a double take. _Eleven?! How long have I been talking to Umi-chan?_ Moving her phone away from her ear to see the call duration, her eyes went wide at the time as it continued to tick onward.

"Three hours?!" She barely caught her voice before it became too loud, not wanting her household to realize that she's still awake at this hour. She was surprised, but more on the fact that _Umi_ was awake at this hour. The ash-brunette knew her as an 'early to rest, early to rise' type of girl.

Kotori sat up quickly, eyes snapping to the open sketchbook on her desk. The page was empty, blank save for a pencil sat by its lonesome. She was supposed to draft more costume ideas after dinner. But she got distracted by her thoughts, and then...

Growing noises from her phone's speaker took her mind away from her thoughts. Then, she heard a door sliding open and closed, then a soft crackle before a clear of the throat.

"I apologize for taking a while, Kotori." Umi's voice returned, though she sounded a little more winded than before. Curiosity got the better of her, and Kotori soon found herself asking.

"Did something happen, Umi-chan?"

"Nothing bad. My sister just arrived. She was supposed to get here sooner, but she was delayed for some reasons." She reported with a soft sigh, but the ash-brunette could tell the happiness in her voice. She didn't know much about Umi's older sister other than the fact that she had already moved out when they were in middle school. Kotori's met and conversed with her a few times, but it was nothing too substantial.

In terms of looks, she could say that her older sister looked a lot like Umi herself. With the same flowing blue hair and honey gold eyes. Yes, even the death glare carried over to her childhood friend. _It must run in the family,_ Kotori thought a long time ago.

"She must have been surprised to see you still awake at this hour, huh?" She remarked with a giggle. Umi made a noise of confusion on the other side.

"Huh? What do you mean-" Umi's voice grew soft as she inspected the time on her phone. A quiet gasp was heard, and Kotori guessed she had a similar reaction to her. "Oh Gods, I didn't realize- ...So that was what she meant by being surprised to see me greet her at the door."

Her words bubbled down into murmurs that the phone's microphone couldn't pick up. "Uh, Umi-chan?"

"I apologize! I didn't mean to keep you on the phone for so long, Kotori." Umi suddenly yelled into the phone, causing her to pull hers away from her ear.

"It's all right, Umi-chan! I lost track of time too," Kotori said in hopes of easing the azurette.

"Even so, it was careless of me not to realize sooner. And we didn't even discuss about this weekend's plans..." She trailed off with a sigh. The ash-brunette thought to reassure her, but an opportunity struck her; one too tempting to pass up.

"Eeh... Does Umi-chan not like talking with me?" Kotori pouted even though Umi couldn't see, her tone dropping from her usual cheer to a delicate mix of pleading, hope, and intimacy. A voice that paired with a certain phrase would get even the stern Umi to relent to her and Honoka's wishes.

"I don't mean it that way! I do enjoy our conversations, but we have school tomorrow, and I'm sure that you still have to focus on your costume designs." The azurette quickly defended herself, but she didn't feel quite done with the light teasing.

Kotori giggled shortly before she spoke, a wide smile on her face. "I'm glad you like the time we spend together, Umi-chan!"

In response, she groaned softly. "Though perhaps you're spending too much time with people like Nozomi..."

"Then if you spend all your time with me, it should be all right!"

"H-hey, Kotori-" This time, Kotori couldn't help but break out into a laugh, drowning out the soft protests from the other side of the line. It was short-lived however when she soon heard a knock on her door.

"Kotori! It's late!" Her mother's voice boomed from the other side of the door. Shock soon replaced joy, and she nearly dropped her phone in surprise.

"A-ah! Sorry, mom! I uh... Was finishing up on some homework!" She hoped the door and walls would muffle the stutter in her voice.

Thankfully, it seemed to satisfy her mother, as footsteps began to leave the other side of her bedroom door. Kotori sighed in relief, putting her phone back up against her ear. "Aha... I guess I should get off now," she whispered, not wanting to alert her household once more.

"I suppose you should, Kotori." Umi said, suppressing a laugh, her attempts more successful than the ash-brunette's, who pouted at the soft bouts of laughter. "I'll see you at school tomorrow."

A smile was on her before long, and she nodded in response. "Mmh! Goodnight, Umi-chan!" Though she was sad that she had to end the call, but they both needed to turn up in time for school tomorrow. Besides, if Kotori couldn't wake up in time tomorrow, nobody would serve as Honoka's backup alarm clock.

"Goodnight, Kotori-" Her words were cut off as the noise of a door being opened was heard faintly on the phone, followed by a voice unfamiliar to Kotori.

"Oh my, is this why you're up at this hour? A romantic late-night call with a lover?" The voice asked teasingly, and the next thing the ash-brunette heard was Umi's surprised yell and the phone hitting the floor.

"What did mother say about you knocking before entering other people's rooms?!" She could tell the embarrassed tone laced in the azurette's voice as she brought her phone somewhat away to spare her eardrums from the loud yelling.

"A-ah, Umi-chan?" She breathed out, confused. Unbeknownst to her, Umi had heard, and by extension, the other person in the room, presumably her sister, heard her too.

"G-Gods… Kotori, I forgot to hang up. I apolog-" Umi's voice became closer as she picked her phone from the ground, but her words were cut off.

"Kotori? The girl from middle school? So, I was right after all-" And that was all Kotori could hear before the call ended. She brought her screen up to her face, reading the call duration, and the picture of Umi's face as the contact icon. _3:04:25._

Reaching for her phone charger, Kotori mulled her thoughts over their call, especially the last thing she heard before it ended. She was right that it was Umi's sister, but it surprised her more than she remembered her, even though middle school felt like a lifetime ago. The impression might pertain to the few sleepovers she and Honoka did at her house, but still, even the ash-brunette's own mother had vague memories of her two childhood friends until the trio and six other girls started yelling down the halls of Otonokizaka as μ's.

Yawning, she looked up to the clock. _Twenty minutes to midnight._ It was getting late, and though her thoughts would continue to prod at her as she got ready to sleep, it was much tamer than the flurry of earlier this evening.

"Umi-chan's sister... I'd love to meet her again if I can." Kotori hummed to herself before sinking deep into her covers. Sleep stole her consciousness before long.


	9. Today's the Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dreaded, and long-awaited, weekend has begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello i can explain
> 
> sorry i took so long to update, and that this chapter is very short compared to the rest. im trying to hit the next chapters home, and in my time trying to make them good i forgot to update
> 
> dont worry it'll be good i promise thank you for being patient

The next few days passed by in a flash, and before Kotori could properly mentally prepare herself, it was now the last day before the weekend.

Her days were not without memorable events, though. Adjusting to the new schedule for the new live show was exhausting, and the lack of concrete costume drafts justified her plan for this weekend with Umi. Of course, she didn't mention this to the rest of the group, but the knowing looks from Nozomi made the ash-brunette think some may know than what they're letting on.

As they changed out of their training clothes, sweaty, tried, but satisfied, the other members of μ's had let their activities for this weekend be known to each other. It was a shocking coincidence for Kotori that everyone seemed to have plans for tomorrow and Sunday, but after seeing Honoka's suppressed smirk, things seemed less of a magical act of romance and more of a certain someone's hidden scheming. Still, she wasn't any less thankful to her.

"You two go home ahead, I will be making a stop at the archery club before heading home." Umi had informed them in the club room shortly before leaving. Kotori understood as their school idol activities for the next few weeks would take away her time for archery, the azurette wanted to devote time to her other club whilst she can. It made sense, but still the walk home was a little lonelier.

"Let's go home, Kotori-chan!" Honoka beamed with a grin, taking the ash-brunette's hand and leading her on. At least the ginger was there to keep herself in higher spirits, and with the confirmation of her plans, nothing seemed to dampen her excitable attitude.

"Excited for tomorrow, Kotori-chan?" Honoka asked, walking at her side as she made long, slow strides. Kotori matched her pace, though her steps were normal.

Breathing out an embarrassed laughter, Kotori nodded, "I am! I really thought it would be cancelled, but it didn't!"

Honoka gave two thumbs up in response, ecstatic at the turn of events. "And after tomorrow, you will finally have Umi-chan in your arms!" She rejoiced triumphantly, pumping her arms up in the air.

"Huh?" The ash-brunette stopped in her tracks, looking to her with a puzzled look. "What do you mean, Honoka-chan?"

"Uh, Kotori-chan... You remember what you were going to do tomorrow, right?" Turning around, Honoka intertwined her hands, resting them at the back of her head. She shared the same look of confusion as Kotori, though hers were splashed with uneasy anticipation.

"Hmm... Umi-chan and I will go out to look for costume design inspirations together in town. Ah..." She hummed out, wearing a face of deep thought as she recalled Honoka's words a few days ago. From what the ginger could guess from her expression alone, she wasn't getting anywhere.

"Kotori-chan! You're planning to confess to her tomorrow!" The ginger huffed exasperatedly, and Kotori immediately burned a deep red at the mere thought of confession. Frantically she turned her head to inspect their surroundings to make sure they were alone. After confirming that they were, she faced back at Honoka, the redness of her cheeks growing brighter.

"H-Honoka-chan, I-! I'm not prepared! I've been thinking hard on the costumes and uh, I'm sure Umi-chan's thinking hard on the lyrics too and-"

"Kotori-chan!" The ginger slapped her arms on her shoulders, snapping the ash-brunette from her rapidly spiraling thoughts. "Just enjoy tomorrow, and just ask her when it's all done, okay?" Despite the uneasy look on Kotori's face, Honoka wore nothing but an enthusiastic smile, shining brightly in the afternoon orange.

"But what if she says no-" She tried to speak but was silenced by a tightened grip on her shoulders.

"Remember, Kotori-chan! You've got to trust Umi-chan, too!"

Kotori found no words to rebuke the ginger, and her optimism had tugged the indecisive frown on her face to a ghostly smile.

She nodded back, clasping her hands together with newfound determination. "Yeah! You're right, Honoka-chan!"

"Great!" Releasing her hold, Honoka stepped back, spinning on her heels back to the sidewalk home. "Tell me how it goes, okay? I want to be the first one to say congratulations, Kotori-chan!"

The ash-brunette couldn't help but giggle at the endless cheer from her. It was always like Honoka to see the bright side in any situation and, though she could never be like the ginger, she would try her best in seeing the glass half-full.

Slapping her cheeks, she broke from her stupor to catch up with the ginger, a smile now on her face. "Sure!"

* * *

_8:00 A.M._

The alarm blared loudly, a pair of sunlight gold begrudgingly opening to the waking world. Sitting up, she stretched; yawning audibly to dispel the drowsiness. She slid out of her covers, blinking the digital clock on her nightstand into vision.

_Two hours until I meet with Umi-chan..._ She thought, slowly leaning back onto her soft pillows. Sleep beckoned her, but it was only for a moment until her mind registered the time, sitting back straight with a sudden jolt.

"Two hours?!" She voiced, her tone still thick with sleep, yet her movements were now quick, almost frantic as she rushed to her closet to grab her clothes for todayl. Panic began to settle as she realized they weren't inside, until she whipped her head around to find the articles of clothing hung neatly on a hook.

"Ah, right..." The ash-brunette mumbled out, embarrassed. In her indecisiveness, she spent a good few hours sending Honoka pictures of herself in different outfits, asking for a second opinion on what to wear.

Kotori wanted to be as captivating as possible and would pull no punches for today. It was do or die, after all.

When she had finally chosen her clothes, the mixture of fear and excitement kept her thoughts busy until fatigue ushered her mind into sleep.

The ash-brunette looked at the clock after feeling the fabric of her top. _8:10 A.M. Not good!_ She rushed downstairs to eat breakfast, only to find herself the sole family member awake at this hour on a weekend. That meant she had to prepare her own breakfast, which consumed time.

Kotori momentarily debated skipping breakfast, but the thought of possibly becoming lightheaded during her outing with Umi forced her otherwise. Eyeing the fridge, she resolved herself to whip up the quickest thing she can, consuming it, and have enough time to wash the dishes and get herself ready.

Setting herself on what seemed to be a race against time, Kotori thought that two hours would not feel like a long time. However, cutting back on her beauty sleep was no option, either!

Looking up at the clock on the dinner area wall, she nearly choked on the bowl of rashly made fried rice. _8:40 A.M_

Scratch that, two hours would be no time at all.

* * *

Inspecting herself in the mirror one last time, Kotori shot a dreading glance at the clock. _Twenty minutes left!_ Gussying herself up had taken more time than intended, but she wanted to look presentable to her crush. She wouldn't take this much time in the morning during a normal school day, but mundane every day and life changing moments were different, and-

Kotori sighed, silently admitting that she had gone overboard with makeup. In the end, she had gone light, just enough to highlight features she took pride in. How it took so long was a question she could never answer, nor would have the time to.

Slipping on her shoes, the ash-brunette left her home, voicing her goodbye to an empty hall before dashing out. Their agreed meeting spot was not far from her own home, but she'd be cutting it close as the more she stepped deeper into the city center, the busier the roads, sidewalks, and crosswalks got.

Kotori passed by a glass window, stopped, and turned to examine herself once more. She trusted her fashion sense, but the clawing nervousness had begun to gnaw at her self-image. Did she wear something too flashy? Too plain? She adjusted the hat worn delicately on her head. It was cute, and Honoka had agreed it tied up her outfit nicely, but still she was unsure.

She sighed, slapping her cheeks to dispel her derailing thoughts. _No time for second-decisions, Kotori._

"All right!" The ash-brunette pumped a fist, newfound determination bringing a spring to her step. One crosswalk after the other she held onto her fire. Excitement brightened her face and nervousness kept her thoughts sharp.

It was going to be a normal day with Umi, but after today would decide if every day onwards would be filled with happiness or crushing sadness.

Her ultimatum was a little extreme, but one shouldn't question a young woman's mind when thinking of hyperboles.

_There!_ Passing safely across the street, her eyes landed on a familiar plaza in the bustling activity. They both decided to meet here, where the circulation of people was less, and they would find each other in the crowd.

Though, Kotori instantly found her. The striking azure blue had done more than captivate her. She'd find it among a crowd, and if not, would search for it tirelessly. This love had consumed her, that much evident to her when she suddenly felt her feet rushing towards her.

The next thing she saw was her eyes of honey gold, landing on her as she shot up a hand above the passing bystanders, waving to get her attention.

"Umi-chan!" Kotori waved, stopping at her front to greet the azurette with an energetic smile. "Sorry that I made you wait!"

"Good morning, Kotori," Umi greeted with a gentler smile, shaking her head as she held up her phone's screen to the ash-brunette displaying the time. "You were only a few minutes late behind our schedule, and I just got here myself."

Kotori pouted, playfully shoving Umi's phone to her chest. "You were counting how long I was going to be late for?" She whined, eliciting a soft laugh from Umi.

"Not at all, why would you ever think I would?" She retorted with a light smirk, to which Kotori responded with a light shove on her arm.

"Umi-chan, you bully!"

"I apologize, I don't mean it." Umi hummed, though the satisfied smile on her face didn't convince Kotori. Still, she smiled back energetically, moving to stand at her side as she pointed a finger down the street.

"Let's not wait any longer then, Umi-chan! I have ideas on where to look first!" With that, Kotori started down the sidewalk, Umi fast to fall into step with her.

"I'm right behind you, Kotori."


	10. Troublesome Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And thus the day begins! Can Kotori hold her own until the end of the day?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyhey
> 
> it was pretty bad if i split it into 2 chapter since it would disrupt the flow, so i decided to make it one big chapter 
> 
> it is the long awaited day after all

The duo's first stop was a clothing store Kotori frequently visited and shopped at. Not too far from their meeting place, but the short walk allowed for a moment's conversation between each other. Nothing too substantial, just Umi asking the ash-brunette about her morning, and the occasional tease of being a few minutes late.

"It was five minutes, Umi-chan!" Kotori bumped against her in protest, looking straight ahead as to not bump into passersby on the sidewalk.

"Nothing ever takes five minutes, Kotori." Umi countered with a snicker, earning another playful push from Kotori. Eventually they reached the store, where the azurette immediately felt uncomfortable from the entrance alone. Staring up at the meticulous signage in a lettering that was English, hesitation rooted Umi to the ground.

"What's wrong, Umi-chan?" Kotori turned to face her, head askew in confusion at the sudden stop. Umi slowly moved her gaze to meet hers, wearing an expression the ash-brunette found difficult to decipher.

"I-is this the place, Kotori?" Umi asked with a tinge of hesitation in her voice. The storefront possessed European architecture, and the mellow colors provided a welcoming feel to the establishment. However, what seemed to intimidate her was the clothes worn by mannequins behind the display window.

"That's right! Let's head inside, Umi-chan!" Excitement shimmered in Kotori's eyes as she took the azurette's arm, leading her inside the clothing store. If they had to describe the articles for sale, it'd be _girly._ Umi could see someone like the ash-brunette to wear these types of clothes, but she never had an eye for trendy fashion and chose to wear simple clothes. Of course, her sense of fashion wasn't barren, but to put it in the words of their dear friend, Honoka: A simple, cool Japanese beauty.

Though their activities as school idols had opened her avenues for more exposed clothes, embarrassment and inklings of shame never left Umi, especially when wearing a skirt that she deemed too short.

Those similar feelings of embarrassment and the need to hide had seemed to surface when she entered this store.

"Look, Umi-chan! I bet this would look cute on you!" Pulling her into a side aisle, Kotori's eyes were fixated on a particular row of frilled dresses, her hand expertly examining each one until one of light blue caught her eye. She pulled it out and held it up against the azurette, a thoughtful look on her face.

"T-this?!" Umi eyed down the dress in question. Its fabric looked soft and the design was a balance of frills and simplicity. However, her gaze trailed down to one, but major complaint. "Isn't it a bit too short?"

"Hm?" The ash-brunette peered over the dress to inspect its length, then rested it once more against her. "It's not short at all once you try it on, Umi-chan!"

"E-eh?! Aren't we here only to find design inspirations, Kotori?" Umi sputtered, and she nodded enthusiastically, but continued to nudge the dress against her chest.

"Don't you remember? You're my main muse for the costumes!" Kotori pointed out with a matter-of-fact tone, but the azurette could see the glint in her eyes. One she encountered a few times before, particularly that one incident where Kotori forced the rest of μ's to an impromptu fashion show in the clubroom to determine the best costume. It was a time the ash-brunette remembered well and would happily do again.

Still, Umi tried to worm herself out of what could only be more articles of clothings forced onto her by Kotori. "B-but we're doing subunit performances, now! You have to think about the others, too."

Her words gave Kotori pause, who mulled it over for a few silent moments before humming out excitedly. This time, she took one of Umi's hands, guiding it to take hold of the dress. "Then, Umi-chan will be the main inspiration for Lily White's costumes!"

"But what about the other two subunits- H-hey, Kotori!" The ash-brunette shook her head, already pushing her to the changing rooms.

"It's fine! You worry too much, Umi-chan." She reassured, peering over the azurette's shoulder as they got close, her words were reminiscent to a certain ginger, and Umi couldn't help but frown.

"I worry that Honoka is finally beginning to leave a bad impression on you, Kotori."

"That's because Umi-chan doesn't pay enough attention to me," Kotori countered with a giggle. It was good timing that being behind her meant that Umi couldn't see her face; A face that began to burn red at the realization on how bold she's being. But when they reached the changing room, Kotori had shook most of the embarrassment off. _Today's the day!_ If suffering through for one day meant a lifetime of happiness, then it would be worth it.

Kotori just hoped she wouldn't pass out from overheating before the day was done.

Drawing the curtain, she all but pushed Umi into the changing room, quickly pulling it close before she could leave or voice a protest. "I'll be nearby, so just give me a shout if you're done, Umi-chan!"

"H-hey, Kotori!" Her yell fell on deaf ears as Kotori was already walking to a nearby selection of skirts, a lively hum drowning out Umi's despair. Eventually, she heard a long sigh. Then the soft rustling of clothes followed after, confirming that she was changing into the dress. The ash-brunette laughed softly to herself, the moment's reprieve allowing her to go over her thoughts.

_After this place, maybe we can go to another clothing store? Oh! Maybe somewhere fun? But, Umi-chan might say that we're forgetting the reason we're going out in the first place..._ Her mind paused, then her cheeks flared red at her choice of words.

_G-going out?! If I can tell her, then we can be, er... going out. But that's if she says yes._ Kotori sighed, then focused on Honoka's inspiring words to ward off her thoughts of uncertainty. Partially successful, she nodded determinedly at herself, looking down to find a light-colored high waisted skirt in her hands.

"Oh, this looks cute!" She marveled aloud, holding the article of clothing high for her eyes to inspect. A nervous voice called out nearby, her attention drawn to a curtain, or more specifically, a person behind said curtain.

"Are you finding more clothes for me to wear, Kotori?" Umi asked anxiously. The rustling of clothes had stopped, and barely audible noises of curiosity from the small booth were indications that she was done changing. With the dress slung over her shoulder, Kotori walked to the front of the changing room the azurette was in, hand reaching for the curtain.

"I'm coming in, Umi-chan~"

"P-please wait a moment!"

"Too late!" Without an ounce of shame, the ash-brunette drew open the curtain to see. Sunlight gold took in every detail of the sight in front of her. Indeed, her affinity for fashion didn't fail her. Umi did look cute with the dress she chose for her. The light blue complemented well with her waterfall of dark blue hair, honey gold contrasting brightly with the sea of blue. Kotori wanted to laugh at her joke, but she was breathless.

The mirror behind on the far wall reflected the look of amazement on her face, as well as the blush of red on her cheeks. She always knew Umi had an effect on her. The cool, collected, and mature vibe she emanated played a major role in that regard. But right now, with the shy stance Umi had taken paired with the dress-

Kotori thought only animals could look impossibly cute. Today, she stood corrected.

Of course, this view was completely biased, but no one on Earth could tell her otherwise.

"Uh... Kotori?" A hand in front of her snapped the ash-brunette from her deep, definitely important thoughts. She tore her gaze away, face hot from the realization of being caught staring. Still, she wouldn't falter here.

"I knew it would look perfect on you, Umi-chan!" She clasped her hands together, hiding behind them to conceal the evident red on her face. The azurette made a sidelong glance at the mirror, inspecting herself. Cautious hands glided down the fabric, stopping at the frills on the hem of the dress.

"I don't see it becoming an idol costume, though." Umi commented softly at herself, rising to her full height to lightly spin. A smile graced her face at how the dress moved daintily with her movements. "You were right about it being cute, however."

Kotori shook her head, stepping into view. "It's because Umi-chan is cute, too!" She chirped, sheer willpower being the only buffer against the overwhelming embarrassment that followed after her words. She wouldn't admit it to anyone, but she spent a solid hour, possibly more, in practicing bold lines in the mirror. Overcoming shame and frequent searches for clever one-liners from her favorite romance shows had borne fruit; she was _only_ blushing up to her ears. She took the fact that she hadn't run away from embarrassment as a definite improvement.

"Kotori! W-what are you saying?" The azurette rubbed her arm, fidgeting slightly whilst she looked away. With the 3 walls of the changing room being mirrors, her gaze found itself back locking with Kotori's in no time at all. They exchanged looks, then giggles erupted between them.

After calming down, Kotori reached into her pocket, taking out her phone. Before Umi could realize her intention, she had already taken a photo.

"K-Kotori! What are you-"

"Reference for drawing the designs later, Umi-chan!" She spoke without looking up, happy at the memory captured forever. Her attention was quick however, as she expertly dodged a hand that attempted to swipe her phone. "I need it for our live preparations! I'll delete it when I'm done!" She wasn't, but a white lie never hurt anybody.

"You are enjoying this way too much..." Umi grumbled with a pout, turning away to face the mirror. "So, will this be all for my subunit's costume ideas?"

"Nope!" She nearly winced at the word the azurette desperately did not want to hear, her concern amplified as Kotori piled more clothed onto her and told her to change.

It was only their first stop, but Umi could tell it was going to be a long morning, and from the fervent glint in Kotori's eyes, there would be no way around it.

Resigning herself to fate, she nodded and drew the curtain closed, changing out of the light blue dress and into the next selection the ash-brunette tossed over to her.

* * *

"I refuse to accept the fact we were in there until noon." Umi remarked with a sigh as she walked, basking in the sunlight. After being confined to a cramped changing room for hours, the fresh breeze was a welcomed feeling.

"There was just so many to see, and Umi-chan looked good in all of them!" Kotori giggled beside her, a spring in her step. Her hunger for fashion had been sated for now, and the hefty stock of pictures left her a satisfied bird.

"So," Looking down at her, the azurette gave a soft smile. "Where shall we go next, Kotori?"

She brought a hand to her chin, mulling over her thoughts. "Hmm... There's a fabric store I want to try and-" A low rumble disrupted her thoughts, and the pair's walk grounded to a halt.

Kotori wrapped her arms around her middle, looking off in embarrassment, meanwhile, Umi failed to suppress her amusement, bubbling out laughter between them. "Perhaps a small detour before we do, Kotori?"

The ash-brunette nervously laughed, peering up to pout at her. "I-I guess... There's a cafe not too far from here." She emphasized with a pointed finger. Umi turned to the direction, nodding before looking back.

"Then, shall we get going?" She held out a hand. Kotori blinked at the offer before taking it. "I hope you did not forget to eat breakfast this morning."

"I didn't!" Kotori huffed, moving past her hand and coiling around Umi's arm, who immediately voiced out yet didn't move away.

"K-Kotori!"

"If you're so worried, then make sure I don't fall over from hunger on the way there!" The ash-brunette said in challenge, blowing a raspberry at the azurette. She made a face of mock offense but broke out into a soft giggle soon after.

"Very well, don't let go now." With that, they started down the sidewalk in the direction Kotori pointed to. At each step, the never softened her old on Umi's arm, though it forced her to keep up with her pace. It was worth it if it got them to walk like lovers.

_Lovers..._ They passed by a glassed tower, themselves reflected on the clear surface. In the few seconds, she saw herself practically hanging off the azurette's side. _Would Umi-chan see us like that?_

Kotori thought back to her words and the situation she was now in. She knew it hurt for her thoughts to spiral down, but for everything she realized about her feelings for Umi, one thing was painfully clear: _How does Umi-chan feel about me?_

Before, she had assumed there was nothing, but unbridled pessimism would get her nowhere, and she resolved to throw at all away for at least today. So, without her assumption, what was left? Kotori could see a hint if she saw one, but there were none from the girl next to her. The two had acted as they always had around each other, with the intimate conversations, concerns, shared worries and happiness bloomed from years of friendship.

Umi was always a certain way around her, or as a trio with Honoka. Around the rest of μ's, she maintained an air of dignity and finesse. Not that she isn't those things with just her childhood friends, but the azurette would be less watchful of how she carried herself. Either she felt comfortable around them, or the numerous embarrassments since childhood had gotten her to give up.

Still, it stems from their years of friendship. _Friendship._ A word that meant the world to her for most people. However, with Umi it had left her with a painful sting in her stomach. As if the label was an anchor that kept her down. In a way, it kept her feelings down and in check before it got too much.

After today, that word will mean something else. For better or for worse. Kotori sighed; she was never good at not spiraling her thoughts out of control.

"Kotori? Are you all right?" A soft nudge brought her out of her reverie. Umi was still at her side, her stride slower as she casted a concerned look.

"I'm just fine, Umi-chan!" Kotori gave an energetic smile, one returned with a softer, but no less happy smile from the azurette. "It's not too far from the café, so let's hurry!" She tugged at her hand, urging her to quicken their pace.

Umi sighed at her antics, but nodded and followed, now pulling along the ash-brunette down the sidewalk.

* * *

Luckily, the café had ample space for the two to choose where to seat themselves. Umi opted for a seat by the window, and Kotori found no reason to argue. Though, Umi had things to say when the ash-brunette ordered cheesecake for lunch.

"What? A girl needs her sugar!" Kotori explained sheepishly against the harsh look on Umi's face. It was her 'you're going to get fat' face that she'd often use on Honoka but wasn't exclusive to the ginger. "And will you be all right with just a sandwich, Umi-chan?"

"Yes," She responded with a curt nod, looking past the window to the blurred crowds passing by. "We should watch our figure, especially with the upcoming weeks being busy for us."

"You make it sound like I eat nothing but cake every day for lunch..." Kotori pouted, eyes turned up to the azurette.

"You don't?"

"We eat lunch together, Umi-chan!" She softly hit the table in her protest, the arranged silverware clinking in her fury. Umi held a hand to her mouth, stifling a giggle.

"I know. I must apologize, I don't mean it like that."

Kotori grumbled out, but not out of anger. On the contrary, there was a bright smile on her face as they shared a conversation. When their orders were brought to them, the conversation continued, albeit slowed by chewing mouths and social courtesy.

"It's so soft and sweet!" She remarked happily, rubbing her cheek in satisfaction at each bite. Across the table, Umi was enjoying her sandwich. Though not audible on its delectability, the smile on her own face said it all.

Staring at her spoon, Kotori remembered the purpose of today, and before her mind could realize, she took a piece of her cheesecake, leaning forward as she moved the spoon. "Umi-chan! Aaah~"

Umi nearly choked on a bite, swallowing to clear her throat before speaking. "K-Kotori?"

"I want you to give it a try!" Kotori hummed easily, the spoon approaching the azurette.

"B-but," She began to argue, but the pleading look on Kotori's face shot down any hope of her to formulate a comeback. Instead, she sighed, brushing away her hair behind her ear. "Fine..."

Umi leaned forward, meeting the spoon halfway. Quietly, the piece dissolved in her mouth, meanwhile Kotori waited with anticipation and excitement.

"A little too sweet for me, but..." Sipping water, she chanced a look at the ash-brunette. She found her eyes, then the wide smile worn on her fair features. "It's uh, really good."

"Right?" Kotori chirped happily, returning to the indulgence of her sweet. It was around two bites she realized that they shared a spoon.

_...Ah!_ Finally, the embarrassment caught up, and her cheeks flared red, desperately moving to conceal it. _T-this spoon touched Umi-chan's lips._

Kotori bit against the rounded metal, staring down at the dessert. She had wondered why the past few bites tasted sweeter than usual.

* * *

With their hunger satiated, they moved on to the next destination Kotori had in mind: a fabric store. The entire time consisted of Umi struggling to keep up with Kotori's renewed energy as she expertly navigated through the store, asked staff, and collected sample fabric types. The ash-brunette made sure to get input from her regarding topics of this and that, and before either could quite realize, they left the store with Kotori carrying a small bag containing the samples.

She checked her watch. _2:14 P.M._ They still had the entire afternoon, and plenty of time to inspect a few more clothing shops. If she was lucky, she could get Umi to model for her. _Ah, that'd be great..._

"I guess I should look for some inspirations for BiBi's costumes, right Umi-chan?" She asked idly, wrapping herself snug around the azurette's arm.

"I uh... I suppose we should, though we can only guess what type of costumes they'd like." Umi answered, her eyes darting nervously. Kotori saw this, and curiosity prompted her to ask.

"Is everything all right, Umi-chan?" She moved closer, inspecting the expression on her face. Kotori was quick to take note how Umi drew away slightly.

"You don't need to keep holding onto me, Kotori..." She said in a low whisper, clearing her throat awkwardly.

"O-oh." Kotori's eyes trained down to the arm she had grown attached to since noon. Mustering a thinly veiled confidence, she stepped closer to the azurette.

"You said not to let go, so I won't, Umi-chan!" She declared determinedly, eliciting a baffled noise from Umi.

"That was for earlier, I didn't mean for this long!" Umi quickly explained, but Kotori only tied herself tighter around her arm, eyes upturned in silently pleading. Gold eyes met, and Umi relented with a sigh.

"Well, this is fine, I guess..." Adjusting her collar, Umi focused back on the way ahead, willfully ignoring the grin of victory on Kotori's face.

"Yay! Umi-chan's truly all mine for today!" She rejoiced with a laugh, resting her head against Umi's arm. Though confused and visibly embarrassed, she didn't move away.

"There you go saying weird things..." The azurette mumbled, but a smile stayed. Eventually they reached the next clothing shop, one that looked more comfortable in Umi's eyes.

That was, of course, until they were at a part of the store that seemed to be aimed at more mature individuals.

Both were wary in taking an article of clothing from the racks, instead opting to prolong visual inspecting above all else.

"Hmm... It feels like something Eli-chan could pull off, right?" Kotori wondered aloud, pointing a finger to a tight black dress on a mannequin. Gold accessories accompanied the simple, yet dangerous dress. From looking at it, it displayed a hefty amount of cleavage if worn by the right woman. Coincidentally, Eli possessed one of the largest bust sizes in the group, only after the bountiful bosoms of Nozomi and Hanayo.

This was information Kotori had mixed feelings in knowing. She designed their costumes, after all. So, it's understandable she'd know the measurements of the rest.

"She does give off the mature vibe, yes. Maki too. Though..." Umi thought audibly, joining Kotori in their loud thought making process.

"It wouldn't suit Nico-chan?" Kotori finished her sentence with a giggle, and the azurette could only nod in confirmation.

"Should we take a picture for reference?" Umi gestured to the mannequin, stepping to the side to give the ash-brunette room to snap a picture.

"Yeah, you're right!" Kotori eagerly produced her camera from her pocket, snapping pictures of their mannequin model, and a few other dresses on display.

Their window shopping continued along this part of the store until she was satisfied in finding reference material. Umi turned to leave, but the ash-brunette found herself eyeing the same black dress on display. "Kotori? Is something the matter?"

Kotori hummed instead of answering. When Umi walked closer, she turned her eyes up quizzically, almost inspecting the azurette.

"...I wonder if it would look good on you, Umi-chan."

A hand quickly grabbed the ash-brunette by the wrist, and in a flash, they were almost out of the store. "Absolutely not!"

* * *

Their next stop was yet another clothing store located at the busier parts of the city. Kotori's insistent clinging found purpose as the increase of people on the sidewalk threatened to lose each other in the crowd lest they stuck together. Umi preferred not to waste time in getting lost, and Kotori was more than happy in keeping close to her, so it was a win.

Entering the establishment was a breath of relief, finally free from the close proximity of passersby. As always, the ash-brunette navigated the store well with the azurette trailing behind her. Though this time, she still had herself wrapped around her arm.

"Uh... Kotori?" Umi spoke up, giving her arm a soft tug to gather her attention. In response, Kotori wrapped tighter, then she looked up at Umi with upturned eyes. "What is it, Umi-chan?"

She opened her mouth to speak, but then quickly looked away. The sudden movement got dark blue hair to obscure her face. "It's n-nothing."

Kotori perked up curiously at her strange demeanor. _Is she... Getting embarrassed?_ "Umi-"

"Ah!" Umi suddenly yelled, turning her attention to a small stage of mannequins dressed in clothes. "We haven't found any reference designs for Printemps, right?"

"Eh?" Following her gaze, Kotori's eyes landed on the mannequins. Pink and white dominated the themes of the matching dresses, tops and skirts. There was even a coat on one of them. "I've been looking, but none seemed to stick-"

"T-then, how about these? They seem uh, quite in theme, wouldn't you say?" Umi interrupted, leading the ash-brunette towards the clothing in question. Though confused, Kotori agreed that it did feel like a design suited for her subunit. Nodding, she reached for her phone, eager to take a photo.

"I'll take a picture and send it to Honoka-chan and Hanayo-chan later, then!" Before she could however, a hand obscured the lens. Looking off from the screen, she found Umi's hand hovered in front of her phone. "Umi-chan?"

It was then she noticed a faint smirk on the azurette's plain smile. She didn't know why, until her words followed.

"Why don't you try them on, Kotori? For _reference,_ of course." Umi jutted a finger to a nearby row of dressing rooms in sight. This scene felt familiar to Kotori. It should, since the exact same scene happened merely hours ago. The only difference being the roles seemed to be reversed, and seeing the smile on her face, Umi knew it too.

Her cheeks flared red, but deep inside, Kotori felt happy. Umi was paying attention to her, and that alone sent the butterflies in her stomach aflutter. But, before it rendered her to a flustered mess, she gave an excited nod, finding Umi's gaze. "That's a great idea, Umi-chan!"

"W-wait, really?" The azurette stammered out, as if her intentions had backfired. Before she could say anything else though, Kotori was already off to find a staff member to try the clothes on. Throughout the process, the ash-brunette tried her hardest to hide the growing red on her face. This back and forth of boldness between herself and Umi were taking a toll on her mind, and between the unknown of Umi's feelings toward her and the clawing embarrassment was the growing feeling of running away and hiding in her room.

Being bold and unreserved was Honoka's job. Kotori was one to sit at the back and give her support.

"I'll uh... Go get changed now, Umi-chan!" Masking her nervousness with a cheery tone, Kotori drew the curtain closed, her eyes wandering to her reflection in the mirror. Resolving herself, she began to undress.

Five minutes later, she smoothed down the dress before inspecting herself in the mirror. Then, she gave a small spin, and a smile after that.

"Hmm..." Kotori hummed, seeing herself squint in thought. _A few changes here and it could be a good costume. I'm surprised Umi-chan noticed this before I did._ Turning back to the curtain, she hummed somberly, then faced back at herself in the mirror. "She did come here to help, after all... So, it makes sense that she'd keep all her attention in looking."

"Kotori?" A shadow beneath the curtain shuffled into view, and Umi's familiar voice was behind the fabric. "Are you done?"

"A-ah! I am!" Giving herself one last look, Kotori gripped the hem of the curtain, then drew it open.

"How is it, Umi-chan?" She performed a slow twirl for the azurette to inspect all aspects of the outfit, and by extension, all aspects of her as well. The mere thought of Umi checking her out nearly sent the ash-brunette's mind into hysterics.

For a moment, Umi was silent, but her eyes wandered up and down her body. Her mouth hung loosely, as if in shock. Her previous thought came to mind, but quickly shook it away. _She's just inspecting the outfit... Yeah!_

The silence ensued for a few moments longer, until Umi's eyes suddenly focused on her own. The azurette coughed into her hand, quickly looking away. "I uh... You look good, Kotori."

"O-oh... Thank you." She mumbled in return, then fell into a short silence before something crossed her mind. "Wait, I meant if it would be a good reference for the costumes, Umi-chan!"

"...Eh?!" Umi looked at her, eyes wide in realization. Both faces flushed red at the misunderstanding, and Kotori hid herself back in the changing room, drawing the curtain closed.

"I m-meant to say that it would be! Y-yeah, I just did not use my words right..." Umi's words trailed off, and her shadow fidgeted against the floor. "I'll uh, give you privacy to get changed, Kotori." She said, and the other side was silent. Meanwhile, Kotori held her cheeks, uselessly trying to swat away the heat rolling off flushed face.

It was a misunderstanding, there was nothing else behind it, but Kotori couldn't help but feel extremely happy at being complimented by Umi.

Collecting herself, she took a quick glance at her watch. It's almost evening, now... She sighed deeply, wondering if she could go through with her plan before the day is over. Still, she resolved to try.

Snapping a few photos of herself before she changed back, her gaze lingered on the outfit _. I'll buy it the next time I come here._

* * *

The sun had crept low past the tall buildings and the streets began to grow busier as orange painted the sky. Tokyo's nightlife was waking up, and the faint glints of white above heralded the end of their day together.

They walked together, Kotori by Umi's side. She wasn't wrapped around her arm anymore, as she feared if she stuck close, Umi could feel the hard thumping of her heart. She knew the reason why, and if she pushed through, the azurette would know, too.

"Thanks for coming with me today, Umi-chan," Kotori said with a chirp, doing her best to conceal her growing nervousness. "I'm sorry I took up one day of your weekend." Beside her, Umi gave a smile as she shook her head.

"Don't apologize, Kotori. I enjoyed my day very much. Besides, I had promised that I would." Umi responded in a cool voice. The ash-brunette thought that if she was ever reborn as a male, she'd be able to swoon any girl. Actually, that thought was void as Umi was already capturing hearts of maidens at their school, Kotori's included. It was just unfortunate that she was as dense as a rock when it came to romance.

And that's what brought Kotori to this moment. She had tried indirect confessions, all of which ended in failure. Kotori needed to be direct so no misunderstanding could occur. By the end of it, she would be getting a yes or a no. She just hoped that it would be the former.

"Good!" She smiled back, stepping closer. "I had fun because I had Umi-chan all to myself today!"

"There you go again, saying something weird." Umi shot back with a sigh, still there was a soft smile on her face as they walked. Kotori looked around, to Umi, then to the ground. The mood felt perfect, and their day together went off without a hitch. All that's left now is to create the perfect moment, preferably a spot with less people.

As she thought that, they walked onto a short bridge away from major activity. Albeit a little dark and the orange sky began to stain a murky purple, the lights of buildings and streetlamps illuminated the area.

"Ah, Umi-chan?" It was now or never.

"Can we stay here for a moment?" Umi stopped walking, and so did she. There they stood at the middle of the bridge, the distant hum of city life filling the short silence.

"Sure?" The azurette answered with a confused voice but didn't protest as Kotori walked over to the edge, leaning against the stone railing. "Is everything all right, Kotori?"

Kotori's fingers began to feel cold, but there was no way out now. She had no definite idea on how to start, but there was no time to think about it. Gathering courage, she spoke out slowly, her gaze away from hers. "Hey, Umi-chan? Do you ever think about love?" Well, it was good a start as any.

"L-love?! Where is this coming from, Kotori?" Though her words showed no pleasure in engaging in this particular topic, Umi walked over beside the ash-brunette, giving her a baffled look.

When she didn't respond, Umi swallowed a lump in her throat, mulling the question over. " I suppose that I do not actively think about love. Why do you ask?"

"I... I think about love." Kotori breathed out, her words a thinly veiled stall as she gathered her resolve. She still looked onward, not quite ready to meet Umi's eyes.

"You do?" Was her reply, still an even composure, though embarrassment had tinted her voice. "Then... What about love do you think so much about?"

Kotori hummed out in thought. At least answering her question would serve as a momentary distraction. "Hmm... When I see Hanayo-chan and Maki-chan together, I think about it and go, 'it looks nice to be in love.'" It was her true feelings. Seeing the two first years made her reflect on her own situation. Though through their love made her despair at her own, Kotori would be happy seeing their smiles when around each other. She wanted to see herself smile like that with Umi.

"I feel that they act like they always do, though they are closer." Umi remarked and Kotori gave a soft nudge, giggling quietly.

"Would you prefer if they acted more lovey-dovey in the clubroom, then?" The ash-brunette asked teasingly, chancing a quick glance at Umi. It was expected to find her cheeks a lively red in embarrassment.

"Absolutely not! That sort of behavior is forbidden in school! Not to mention shameless, even if they are lovers!" Kotori couldn't help but laugh at her adamant viewpoint. Though, even her wouldn't survive if all of a sudden Maki and Hanayo acted more like lovers. μ's already had enough of that from Eli and Nozomi, and they weren't even sure if they were like that.

"So, you don't think it would be nice, Umi-chan?" Kotori prodded the question. The uncertainty of Umi's feelings forced her to tread carefully.

"Er, I mean..." Umi looked away, finding composure in the glisten of the river below. "I spend my days with μ's, and I had always been with both you and Honoka. The time I spend with you all seems like everything I need."

"Umi-chan..." It was rare for the normally stoic Umi to become sappy, so it was no surprise Kotori was left speechless at that moment. Still, she thought it difficult on how to proceed. Would an outright confession be better at this point? She could manage, maybe if she closed her eyes.

"I enjoy everyone's company like I did today. And everyone's a wonderful friend to me, so I do not think about love as much." Umi finished with a satisfied smile, though the tint of red that remained on her cheeks indicated that embarrassment still lingered. But Kotori didn't notice, as the unease she had tried to bury deep inside her mind began to claw itself up to the forefront.

"A-ah, is that so? ...I- I never thought about it that way." In truth, she never did. Her thoughts all centered on her own feelings about Umi, and it was only today she truly stopped to think about how the azurette felt. But now she has, and a painful question manifested in her mind. _Am I just being selfish?_

Honoka's words rang clear, but she had reasons not to listen anymore. She thought about herself and her own happiness, but it felt like she just crossed over to simple selfishness. A disregard on other's feelings. She heard it herself, but... _What about today?_

Did Umi see today as nothing more than just spending time as friends? Was her own boldness reciprocated all in the name of keeping up with a friend's antics? Each question bore a hole in her stomach; empty and painful. Umi was still speaking, but her thoughts drowned everything out. "I... So, that's how it is..."

Kotori looked up at her, seeing the lighthearted look on her face. It was a face she always wanted to see happy. _But I can only do that if nothing changes. And we stay as... as-_

"Kotori?" Umi's words brought her back to the bridge. She was facing her now, wearing a look of concern. "Is everything all right?"

No. "I-I'm just fine! I... Huh?" Kotori felt a warm wetness trail down her cheek and she quickly moved to wipe it away. A vain attempt. "Why am I- I'm f-fine... I shouldn't be-"

"Kotori, you've been acting strange today. Is something wrong?" Umi stepped closer, but she drew away, her hands doing their best to dry the tears.

"It's all right, Umi-chan. E-everything's the same it'll always be. So..." Kotori forced out through gritted teeth. Sadness brought tears, and frustration gripped at her chest, leaving her helpless.

"It definitely does not look all right. Did I say anything wrong?" Umi all but pleaded, her hands fidgeting, unsure on what to do.

"P-please, can you please drop it, Umi-chan?" Her words were shaky, and her breath hitched. She felt angry at herself and her selfishness. Confession wasn't possible anymore. It never was.

"No!" Umi suddenly snapped, surprising even the ash-brunette. It was then their eyes finally met. Honey gold glistened with a face mired with frustration, her smile now a hard scowl. "I will not stop until you tell me something, Kotori!"

"Then what do you want me to say?!" Kotori hadn't meant to yell, but the frustration had bled into her voice, and nothing raised to stop herself. Umi was taken aback at her pained voice. She looked shock, her mouth agape as words failed her.

The wet feeling on her cheeks only grew, and Kotori dropped her hands, gripping the fabric of her skirt instead. Her outburst had seemed to be the only fire left in her, as she only felt cold right after. The pit in her stomach was a numb pain, the tightness of her heart dwindled words.

"I don't want to say it. I can't... So please, Umi-chan..." Her throat felt dry, but her eyes never left Umi's. She had a pained expression on her face, only reaffirming Kotori's thoughts that saying anything now would destroy everything they had right now.

"Kotori, I don't understand-" The azurette began, but her words were cut off by a weak shake of the head.

"Just- Thanks for today, and _please_ forget about this... And next week we'll be back to being... Being fr-" _Friends._ Kotori's breath hitched at the word that only left pain in her heart. However, it was a word she reckoned she'd get used to. She would be nothing more than just that.

Umi looked conflicted, but before she could say anything else, Kotori ran past her. She had no direction but away from the bridge. She'll find her way back home later, but for now she ran.

"Kotori!" Umi tried to reach out, but she was gone. The growing evening did no help as Kotori soon disappeared out of sight.


	11. To Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hurried feet and a heavy heart brought Kotori to an unexpected, but welcoming place.

The darkened streets were a watery blur as Kotori ran. Spheres of light beneath streetlamps were her only guide. Silhouettes seemed familiar but remembering the road home was the farthest thing from her mind right now. Each step ached her heart, but she kept running.

Training and exercise for school idol activities had greatly improved her stamina, but she eventually wound to a stop, breathless as she choked back tears. The air was cold on her face, chest heaving as the ash-brunette bent over to grab at her knees. She tried to catch her breath, but the very moment she did threatened to spill more cries. It was an unfortunate miracle that when she stood straight, the building to her right filtered a familiar orange glow from traditional-style windows.

Kotori dragged her feet to the door, temporarily blinded by the light of the store. She narrowly dodged an elderly customer on their way out, but the rush nearly tripped her feet, causing a quiet noise.

"Kotori-chan?" The sound of her name brought clarity to her vision. Across the display front, Honoka peered over, quickly moving around the counter to the ash-brunette. At the sight of her friend, Kotori broke down into choked sobs, the last vestiges of composure lost to the evening cold.

Honoka ran to her side, standing silent as Kotori threw herself on the ginger, clutching tightly as quiet cries filled the room. Hesitant hands snaked behind the ash-brunette, pulling her closer. However, the warmth only made the cold ache in her heart more evident.

Whether her familiarity or their promise of telling the news brought her back to Honoka, Kotori felt thankful, yet guilty she found her way. Her voice was shaky from the tears, her tone barely above a whisper as she tried to speak. "Honoka-chan, I-"

"Shh." Honoka trailed a hand up her back, combing through silky ash-brunette hair. "It's all right, Kotori-chan. Take your time."

The surprising warmth of the ginger's words momentarily stunned Kotori. The kindness felt undeserved, and she settled herself on Honoka's shoulder. Her tears stained her shirt and the flour-dusted apron got white powder on her own clothes. Kotori would care later, but for the meantime, she allowed herself to cry.

"I'm sorry..." She muttered between muffled cries. She felt Honoka shake her head, her hands only pulling the ash-brunette closer. The ginger said nothing but hum out, telling her that words were unneeded right now. Still, she was aware that the two were in front of the store and was sure that Kotori would like to be somewhere else.

"Mom! I'm heading upstairs with Kotori-chan!" Honoka called out to the back, shifting herself beside the ash-brunette, guiding her to the upper level of the house. Though Kotori felt terrible for disrupting her from work, the warmth of her arms was almost painful to part from.

The two were silent on the way to Honoka's room, luckily bumping into no one. Once they were inside with the door slid closed, the ginger guided her to the bed side, sitting her down slowly. The short window of silence allowed Kotori to collect herself, though her breath hitched when she'd try to speak. She glued her eyes to the ground, ashamed to meet Honoka's eyes, feeling nothing but had wasted the efforts of her best friend.

"Kotori-chan," Honoka began, breaking the silence. Kotori flinched at her voice, the overwhelming feeling of guilt making her afraid. She kept her eyes down, closing them when she felt the bed shift as the ginger sat beside her.

"Hey, Kotori-chan?" She tried again; her voice clearer. When she said nothing else, the ash-brunette slowly peered her gaze upward, starting from the floor near her feet. What she didn't expect to see was a comforting smile spread delicately on Honoka's face, then the arms outstretched towards her.

Though no words had been exchanged, it was enough to reach Kotori's filled mind. Nearly breaking out into more tears, she reached out to Honoka, quickly enveloped in a tight hug. In the security of her room, Kotori spilled her heart out to the ginger once more.

When her tears ran dry and her voice no longer shaky, the ash-brunette retold of today's events. From the beginning, to her dazzling hope throughout the day, and the moment on the bridge. Kotori spoke quietly, meanwhile fighting back another crying fit. All throughout, Honoka listened quietly, slight nods being the only indication of her attention.

Kotori drew a long breath when she finally finished, looking down to a blank spot on the wall as she moved herself out of Honoka's hold. She chanced a look at her, glassy sunlight gold meeting crystal blue.

"I'm sorry that my plan didn't work, Kotori-chan." Honoka said, rubbing the back of her head as she laughed to lighten the mood, trailing off awkwardly when it didn't. In response, Kotori shook her head, glancing away to the window.

"No. It's my fault. Sorry I made you waste your time, Honoka-chan." The words stung, but the ash-brunette knew that they were true. If it hadn't, then she would be in the arms of a certain azurette instead of crying out to the ginger.

The mere thought of what she could never had almost brought out tears, but Kotori forced down her feelings. She had grown to at least do that relatively well.

"You didn't!" The ginger broke out but had nothing else to say after. It was hard to show enthusiasm to an outcome in comparison to an expectation. Yet, Honoka still wore a smile. If not for lightening the mood, then it would be to smile for both of them.

"At least now I know that I don't have to worry about our friendship anymore..." Kotori muttered, desperately finding any trace of optimism in the situation. A consolation, or anything to justify the pain in her chest. "You, Umi-chan and I can still be friends, like we always have! A-and... That won't ever change."

The ash-brunette forced a smile, but even that didn't hold up.

"We can f-forget about it, and we can... We-" Her breath hitched, bringing her words to an abrupt stop. If she were to be honest, Kotori felt silly. All members of μ's were busy with the next live preparation, even herself with the costume designs. Yet here she was, worrying helplessly about a love that failed to fruition.

"Kotori-chan! Do you want to stay over tonight?" Honoka suddenly threw out, snapping the ash-brunette from her spiraling thoughts, as if she knew exactly what was going on in her mind.

"B-but, I don't have any spare clothes..." Kotori weakly argued, but the ginger fervently shook her head, pointing a finger to her closet.

"You can borrow mine! You already had before, you know?"

"But still, I-" Kotori found no other reason to refuse, and from the bright smile of anticipation on the ginger's face, she didn't have the heart to refuse. She always had Honoka entertain her selfish requests, so this felt like nothing in comparison. "...I'll ask my mom."

"Great!" She rejoiced, bumping her fist up in the air. She quickly got up to her feet, suddenly at the door before Kotori could blink. "I'll tell my mom and bring some snacks up for us! Just sit right there!" Before she could say anything, Honoka was already out of sight, her steps echoing down the hall.

Kotori sat there, now by herself in the room. After understanding what just transpired, she couldn't help but giggle at her.

Honoka understood that if she left Kotori to her own thoughts, it would only lead the ash-brunette further into wallowing in despair. If she stayed over, then she could be a distraction, at least for a little while.

She reached for her phone, tapping to the contact list and scrolling to her mother. The phone rang briefly and asking for permission proceeded smoothly due to her familiarity with Honoka and the Kousaka family in general.

"I'll text you before I get home, mom... Okay... Goodnight." Kotori sighed out when the call ended, falling onto the bed as she relaxed. She hovered her phone above, scrolling through the pictures she took today with Umi. Slowly, she sat back up, realizing she took more than what she remembered.

_Here's us eating lunch, but I don't remember taking this..._ Before she could think further, she turned her phone off, sliding it over to the table nearby. If Honoka wanted her, then she can let herself forget for a moment.

She can always be sad tomorrow.

* * *

Later that night, Honoka stood up from her spot across the table. Kotori looked away from the TV screen, quirking a brow curiously at her. "Where are you going, Honoka-chan? It's almost the best part!"

She raised her hands to her face, then reached for the remote, hitting the pause button. "I have to go... To the bathroom really quick!" She explained, already walking to the door.

"Oh. Take your time!" The ash-brunette said, her demeanor already better than hours earlier. Honoka was silently glad that her mood had improved, and she gave a smile before heading down the hall.

Confirming that she was away from earshot, Honoka reached for her phone, navigating to a number and pressing the call button. The ringing was brief, and the other person on the line was quick to answer.

"Umi-chan! Good evening!" She greeted, her voice a bright cheer.

"Honoka? Why are you calling so late in the evening?" Umi said in lieu of a greeting, her tone confused, almost rushed in an effort to hide something.

"I could say the same for you Umi-chan. Don't you usually sleep early?" Honoka fired back, her chipper disposition all but gone by the end, only to return when nothing but stutters could be heard on the other side of the line.

"Listen, do you think you can come over to my house tomorrow? I have something to show you!"

"Tomorrow? I will be busy with the live preparations. What is it that you want to show me?" Umi asked, almost exasperated.

"Just come tomorrow afternoon, okay? It's something super important! Don't forget!" Honoka got her words out in a quick, but clear instant, then moved to end the call despite the confused words of the azurette.

"W-wait, tell me more details Honok-" The call duration wasn't even a minute, and a satisfied smile was plastered on the ginger's face.

"Right!" Honoka said to herself in a voice of accomplishment, spinning on her heels and returning to her room. "I'm back, Kotori-chan!"

"Welcome back, Honoka-chan!" Kotori chirped, reaching for the TV remote on the table, playing the romance drama movie they had been watching. "Sit down quick, we're going to find out how this romance ends!" She excitedly said, and Honoka returned the exuberance with an equally excited smile.

"Yep! We sure are!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and now we say goodbye to this story 
> 
> in kotori's perspective
> 
> join me next time as we see it all in umi's view


	12. Unstoppable Honks and the Immovable Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite the cryptic and sudden request, Umi pays Honoka a visit, expecting to be shown something important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah yes we welcome the oom 
> 
> enjoy this half interlude half debut of umi's point of view

_'Then what do you want me to say?!'_

_'I don't want to say it. I can't...'_

That night, everything else was the farthest from Umi's mind. The song lyrics, sleep, homework; the harder she tried to find something to distract her, the worse her memory recalled to that moment on the bridge.

Setting down her pencil on the desk for the umpteenth time, the azurette leant back, gaze wandering to bare walls and book spines lined on the bookshelf. It served as a moment's distraction, her mind refusing to relax.

_What did she mean by that?_ As much as she tried, Umi couldn't understand why Kotori was so upset. Had she said something she shouldn't have? Recalling their conversations throughout the day, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. They were back-and-forth on teasing one another, but that was normal even at school. She knew the ash-brunette invited her because she had been chosen as the muse for the costume themes, but that fell through when the live plans were changed from being a full unit performance to subunit performances.

Yet, that hadn't seemed like the reason. Everything was all right, until they rested at the bridge when the day was nearly over. _All of a sudden, Kotori just started talking about love. It was strange, and I don't understand why she brought it up._

Umi sighed, rising from her desk and walking to the window, eager to breath in the crisp night air. A fresh breeze always calmed her down, but this time it did little to soothe her uneasy mind.

_Should I call her?_ She turned around, eyes finding her phone on the desk beside her lyric notebook. Contemplating the decision for a minute, the azurette then picked it up, unlocking the screen and navigating to the contact list.

_She might still be upset. Kotori did say to forget about it. But..._ The phone's screen lit her face dimly, a thumb hovering hesitantly over Kotori's name _. A text message could be a good start. But how do I open up the conversation?_

Umi opened the messaging app instead, composing an email to send. She constructed an introduction, then deleted it before starting a new one. Then, she deleted that one. _No, that seems too formal for an email. We've been friends for a long time, so that might be too strong._

The email filled up partially before the azurette cleared it, thinking the message to be too overbearing in terms of introduction. She switched to Line, hoping that the more casual app would defuse tension. After a few minutes, Umi cleared the text box. _Should I use emotes? On second thought, that may be too casual._

After fruitless attempts, she came to a strange realization. One she hadn't understood until she set her phone back down on the desk. Umi felt nervous.

_But, why? It's just a text! I sent one earlier today, even._ She shook her head, reaching to take her phone, but the feeling brought hesitation to her fingertips, all but flinching away upon touching the screen. It was an odd sensation that felt completely new. The nervousness felt similar to her first-time wearing idol costumes with skirts above the knee. That was the feeling of shame, Umi knew. But this felt different. It was like she was almost afraid of touching her phone.

It suddenly rang, snapping Umi from her reverie. A momentary fear left her stunned before scrambling to answer the call. In her rush she forgot to check the name of the caller, relying solely on recognizing their voice if she could. Luckily, the voice on the other side of the line was a cheery disposition she knew anywhere.

"Umi-chan! Good evening!" Honoka greeted, her voice a bright cheer.

Expelling a nervous breath, Umi composed herself as best she could before responding, holding the phone tight. "Honoka? Why are you calling so late in the evening?" An improper introduction was unlike her, but the azurette could forgive herself. She had nobody to impress, since it was only Honoka.

"I could say the same for you Umi-chan. Don't you usually sleep early?" Her attention wandered to the wall clock at her words, only needing to read the hour hand to realize that it was later in the evening than she thought. But what raised her curiosity more was the odd shift in the ginger's voice. However, before she could begin to form a thought, Honoka had already moved on.

"Listen, do you think you can come over to my house tomorrow? I have something to show you!"

_She probably wants help with homework or something similar, knowing her..._ Umi cupped the microphone to conceal her exasperated sigh. With her mind failing to cooperate and the unintentional burning of midnight oil, she was everything but in the mood to entertain her friend. "Tomorrow? I will be busy with the live preparations. What is it that you want to show me?" Still, she found herself asking, curiosity slipping from the clutches of better judgement.

"Just come tomorrow afternoon, okay? It's something super important! Don't forget!" _Important? That could mean anything!_

"W-wait, tell me more details Honoka! Honoka?" Umi demanded, but the call was silent. She looked to her phone, a scowl finding its place on her features upon reading the 'Call Ended' splayed across the screen. "Honoka, I swear..." The azurette slumped down on her desk, setting the phone down in front of her.

Once more, she glanced up to the clock, then to the window. _I am sure Kotori would be asleep at this hour. So, there isn't much point in calling now._

Before turning in for the night, she wrote down a reminder for tomorrow afternoon with Honoka. Seeing that nothing else could be done, Umi took longer to sleep with her thoughts plagued with worry and confusion.

* * *

The morning was painfully slow, even with her solo exercise routine at dawn. Actually, thinking back, Umi can't remember much of the morning. Only the slight soreness of her body being the only proof of her workout hours ago.

The day was partially cloudy on her way to Homura bakery. All the while, she dreaded whatever ordeal Honoka would have her go through. _On a Sunday, to boot..._

Though she was always mindful not to look at her phone whilst walking in public, Umi found herself routinely checking for messages, and the draft email that she would add words to at every interval.

But what kept her attention most was the group chat for μ's on Line. Of course, they had one for announcements and to keep in close contact outside of school. Group calls had also become an occasional event, be it for emergency meetings or casual conversation. This time seemed to be an unspoken show-and-tell of everyone's activities from yesterday.

Umi knew loosely what the rest planned to do for the weekend; they shared it with each other on Friday after all, but seeing pictures was different entirely.

The first to send pictures was Honoka with her desk cluttered with student council paperwork. Umi was the most surprised, as she frankly didn't believe that the ginger would spend a weekend on school-related work.

After her was Rin's numerous snippets of ramen bowls, first full then empty. Umi strictly reminded the first year to watch her food but knew that the ginger would seem to stay slim despite her surprising intake of food.

Next was a photographic showdown between Maki and Hanayo. It started with Hanayo sending a seemingly normal picture of Maki with a crepe, but it was immediately followed up with another picture of the redhead struggling to find an angle to bite the confection.

The third image of a blushing Maki trying to seize the camera was the spark that led her to send her own set of pictures. Her first picture was Hanayo showing a plated crepe to the camera, an excited grin on her face. The second image was the brunette happily eating the crepe, completely lost to the world around her.

It was by the third picture that sparked a mess of messages from Hanayo. It was highly similar to the second, but its difference being a sizeable stack of empty plates as the Hanayo in the picture helped herself to yet another crepe. What followed was a mess of texts that Umi barely followed.

Rin complimented Hanayo's ability to eat in such quantities, Honoka expressed her desire to had joined them, and Umi herself sent a scolding remark to watch their weight in the upcoming weeks, and too much sweets is not good for the body.

The herald of the showdown's end was a picture sent surprisingly by Nozomi, who had taken an image of Maki and Hanayo smiling inside the crepe shop. She sent a caption, saying: 'I think they enjoyed themselves~,' completely ignoring Maki's question of why she took the picture outside the window.

'You two should go out for parfaits, next time,' was her only follow up, until Eli came out of the blue with her own picture. It was the two third years smiling for the photo, between them were enough clue for Umi to know they went out for grilled meat. She had sounded like a broken record at this point when she fervently reminded them to watch themselves.

Umi didn't mind the busyness of their group chat, but throughout it all, there was something she realized that made last night's worries surface back to the forefront of her mind.

Kotori hadn't sent a message once through the whole ordeal, not even so much as an icon that indicated she at least saw the messages and pictures sent. It was strange for Umi, as the ash-brunette tended to be the livelier ones of the group when it came to texting, always quick to tease even through digital means. Yet, it seemed like she didn't pick up her phone once.

Umi thought to call her, but decided against it, thinking that there must be a reason. _Maybe she's sick? No, that wouldn't be it. She was fine yesterday._

_Yesterday._ The azurette stopped in her tracks, finding herself just a house away from Homura bakery. She glanced at her phone before slipping it in her purse.

_'Just- Thanks for today, and please forget about this...'_ She had stood there, shock stilling her voice as tears stained Kotori's cheeks. The sight ached at her chest, threatening to reveal a secret she's had to desperately hide away.

"Like I could just forget, Kotori..." Umi muttered to the wind before entering the store, greeting Honoka's mother at the counter with a polite bow.

"Ah, hello there, Umi. Honoka's just upstairs. Make yourself at home!" She welcomed, returning the bow with a smile before returning to her work.

"Pardon the intrusion." Walking up to the residential part of the building, the azurette stored her shoes on the rack before heading down the hall to Honoka's room. She had been here so many times it had started to feel like a second home to her.

"Umi-chan! Welcome!" Honoka greeted with a cheer as Umi entered, sliding the door close behind her before walking to the ginger laying lazily on the floor reading a magazine. Her clothes were simple if not somewhat showing more than socially acceptable skin.

Of course, this was completely unacceptable, and Umi was one to tell her such upon seeing her. "Honoka! You're wearing something absolutely shameless!"

In response, the ginger merely put down the magazine, hoisting herself to a sitting position. "I'm just at home, you know?"

"Still, you have a visitor!" Umi countered, despite her argument brushed away by a carefree hand.

"It's just Umi-chan here with me, so it's fine!" With her words fallen on deaf ears, the azurette could only sigh as she sat across from the ginger.

"So, what is it that you want to show me, Honoka?" She spoke, smoothing down her sunday dress. It was of a simple design with a perfect balance of simplicity and frills. Kotori had insisted she bought it one time, and she did like it. Most of all, it covered her knees.

Umi was right to trust her instincts in fashion and was happy that she kept in consideration on the length of the dress.

Kotori was smiling then when she tried it on. She was smiling just yesterday as well during their time together. But, remembering their final moment yesterday was anything but a happy memory.

"Umi-chan! Are you listening?" Honoka was suddenly in front of her, waving a hand to gather her attention. Snapping out of her thoughts, she looked to find the ginger's gaze. "Geez, did you sleep late last night? That's unlike you."

"W-what are you saying? I am absolutely fine!" Umi defended, a warmth spreading on her cheeks. Though she was sure her words sounded truthful, Honoka looked unconvinced.

The ginger hummed loudly, turning her body to face the azurette. Hands firm on the edge of the table as her eyes stared. "Hmm... Nothing different with today, Umi-chan?" She asked instead, her tone hinted at Umi that she was hiding something.

"D-different? In what way do you mean, Honoka?" Strangely enough, Umi began to grow nervous beneath Honoka's gaze. She looked away, as if that would make the hard gaze on her disappear. "I am busy with the live preparations. So, I would appreciate it if we do not take too long." She said in an attempt to shift the conversation. Besides, her question didn't make sense to her. Nothing is different with today besides the lack of Kotori.

And as if she read her mind, Honoka slowly stood herself up, maintaining her eyes on the azurette. "Did you hear anything from Kotori-chan after your date yesterday?"

"D-date?!" Umi herself got up as well, mouth agape as she stared incredulously at Honoka. "We were both just finding inspirations for her costume designs!"

"And that's it?" Honoka added. Umi took a moment to respond, noting the fact that a smile that would usually be on the ginger's face was not present. In its place was a hard line that grew more impatient at every passing minute.

Nonetheless, the azurette nodded, assured. "Yes! Nothing-"

_'P-please, can you please drop it, Umi-chan?'_

_'Then what do you want me to say?!'_

_'I don't want to say it. I can't... So please, Umi-chan...'_

"...Nothing else happened." Umi finished after a pause.

Crystal blue stared intensely at honey gold. None wavered, but Umi fidgeted underneath the uncharacteristically serious look on her face. Slowly, the hard line grew to a frown, then to a deep scowl.

Eventually, Honoka erupted into a frustrated yell, tearing her gaze away from Umi's. "Gods, do you actually just hate Kotori-chan?!"

"W-what do you mean by that?! I don't hate her in the slightest!" Umi snapped back, a frown on her own face.

"Then why are you saying nothing happened yesterday when something obviously did!" Honoka accused, pointing a harsh finger at the azurette.

"There was nothing! Kotori just got upset-" The azurette argued, but her words were quickly cut off.

"That's clearly something, Umi-chan!"

"She was just upset by something. That's all there was!"

"Argh! You're so thick!" At this point, the ginger was right in front of Umi. The accusatory finger still pointed at her chest, and she was all too eager to swat it away.

"How did you know something had happened anyway? You have no way to prove yourself." Umi declared, her arms crossed defensively over her chest, staring down at the finger jutted at her. Honoka parted her lips to speak, but the sheer stubbornness and shock left no words on her tongue.

Instead, she reached her arms out in an attempt to grab at the azurette's shoulders but decided against it in favor of muffling an exasperated yell. There were customers just below them, after all.

"I promised that I wouldn't say anything, but you're making this so hard!" Honoka grumbled, tightening her grip at air near her arms.

"Promise who?" Umi asked, quirking an eyebrow at the ginger whose expression shifted that told her that she said something she shouldn't. "Honoka. To whom did you promise to?"

She shook her head, facing away as a hand shot to slap over her own mouth, muffling her words slightly. "Nope! I won't say anything! Umi-chan, you'll have to figure it out on your own!"

"Then, why am I here if you are not going to tell me anything?" Umi snapped, a scowl on her face,

"Because! Umi-chan will continue to be a dense brick if I don't do something!"

"D-dense?!" The remark recoiled her, a reevaluation of her character taking place internally in a blink of an eye. She had never saw herself as dense. Perhaps a little slow was acceptable for her, but never anything worse than the occasional gloss over of fine details.

Unfortunately, she was the only person on this planet to share the same sentiment on her character. As for Honoka, she had felt a sensation similar to yelling at a brick wall.

"If you can't tell me, what are you going to do? Actually, what is this about? I only wanted to know what you meant by myself hating Kotori! Which, I do not!" Umi finished with a satisfied draw of breath, feeling that her explanation conveyed enough of her feelings.

In response, Honoka voiced out frustratedly, stomping to her desk despite the threat of making too much noise down at the shop. "I swear, the only thing you can hit on the mark are arrows, Umi-chan!"

"Also," choosing to ignore her comment, the azurette continued her thought. "And why are you so invested in telling me something I do not know?"

"Because you should've known years ago, Umi-chan!" Honoka snapped in response, all but slamming a desk drawer before looking back at her.

"Years ago? You're not making sense!" Her heated words fell with no reply as the ginger quickly strolled up to her. In her hands were envelopes crushed in her grip. They met gazes as Honoka raised her fist, causing the azurette to flinch.

"You're absolutely terrible!"

"H-hey, Honoka!" But instead of a fist, what met her was the sound of paper crumpling as the envelopes were shoved at her chest. One fell to her feet, causing her to bend down to pick it up. "W-what is this? I can't be reading pointless-" Upon seeing the handwriting, Umi's movements suddenly halted for a short moment to inspect the outer scribbling on the envelope.

"This is Kotori's handwriting. Why are these in your possession?"

"You remember that one time Kotori-chan gave you a letter, right?" Honoka asked, ignoring Umi's question.

She glanced down at the unopened, but unsealed envelopes, shuffling through each one curiously. Umi recognized the handwriting to be Kotori's, but there was no other indication. Each letter only had one similarity written on their surface: 'To: Umi-chan.'

"The one that were lyric ideas for our last live?"

Honoka shook her head heatedly, fingers twitching as the thought to slap sense into the azurette was barely kept in check. "No! And they weren't song lyric ideas, too!"

"If they weren't, then what were they?" Umi sighed out, setting the letters down on the table nearby. Honoka picked them up, rushing it back to the azurette's hands. "H-hey, Honoka-"

"Read! And you'll know!" The ginger said firmly. Umi tried to push her hands away, but her own hands were easily overpowered by hers. Honoka always had strong arms and Umi always wished she'd put them to good use besides eating bread and whimsically doing whatever came to mind.

"...This is what you wanted to show me?" Umi said, breathing out defeatedly as she took the letters. She did her best to ignore the smile of success on Honoka's face as she neatly put the envelopes in her purse.

"That's right, Umi-chan! I can't tell you myself, but I'm sure it doesn't count if you find out on your own!" Honoka remarked happily, taking a step back from the azurette. "I'll get angry if you keep being dense about this, you know? So, read it when you get home!"

Umi huffed, disliking the label that was given to her. "I'm still terribly busy with the live preparations, but I will read them when I have time-" Amidst her explanation, Honoka began pushing her to the door. "Honoka! Quit pushing me-"

"No! You'll read it when you get home okay, Umi-chan?" Honoka's tone was a mixture of cheer and frustration, but she kept forcefully guiding the azurette out of the room, down the hall, then eventually to Homura's front entrance.

"Honoka! At least explain why I have to?" Umi snapped, finding her footing after being unceremoniously pushed out the door. She turned back expecting to find the ginger's carefree smile, but instead looked to a serious face that was rare on her.

"Umi-chan, you don't want to see Kotori-chan cry anymore, right?" Honoka's words dried her throat, whatever she tried to say next dying out on the tip of her tongue. A strange tension grew heavy between them, and as quickly as it came, a smile broke out from the ginger to dispel the awkward atmosphere.

"Alright! See you tomorrow, Umi-chan!" Honoka waved before sliding the door closed. Umi could only listen to her goodbye, then the faint sounds of her footsteps. Then, she was alone, save for the passersby on the street behind her.

_'Umi-chan, you don't want to see Kotori-chan cry anymore, right?'_ Those few set of words had seemed to upturn all of the strange, unknown feelings that weighed down on Umi since yesterday. Slowly, she took out the letters, inspecting them once more. The previous unknown familiarity when she was them suddenly clicked.

_It was a month ago, I'm sure. Kotori handed me a letter much like this one..._ Umi glanced up, then in a tense silence, began walking home. _But those were for the lyrics since she gave it when I mentioned the fact that I was somewhat struggling with some of the lines._ Though her mind tried to provide the explanation, each look at one of the envelopes unraveled everything she thought to be true.

_I'll... I'll read them later._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy she's all over the place huh 
> 
> it was weird going from a sad point of view to confusion 
> 
> lemme know what you think


	13. Letters of the Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Umi's more confused than ever, but she has nothing to help her except for the letters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello im alive
> 
> rushing drawing plans nearly ended my being but the work is done
> 
> which means more sad birb and dense oom
> 
> i thought i wrote more for this chap, but it took great effort for reasons you'll see 
> 
> anyway hope i didnt take too long and i hope you enjoy

The soonest she got home, Umi spent the rest of the day mulling over her exchange with Honoka. Everything left her confused, and the letters now in her possession did little in way of explanation.

_Should I read them now? Honoka suggested heavily that I do, but..._ Each glance at the pastel colored envelopes elicited a pang in her chest, preventing her from nonchalantly opening them. Umi reckoned there had to be a reason why Honoka gave her the letters. Yet questions cluttered her mind. Why did she have letters made by Kotori? Why did she give them to her now?

Before her thoughts could spiral deeper, a sudden ring on her desk brought the azurette to reality. She scrambled to pick up her phone, composing herself before answering the call. "Good evening."

"Umi, it's Maki." The voice on the other line said in lieu of a greeting. Though impolite, it was Maki, and Umi understood. Not that the redhead was rude or anything of the sort but had a particular bluntness when it came to word choice. An opposite to the elegance and properness Umi had woven in her vocabulary.

"Ah, Maki. Is something the matter?" She stood from her desk, giving the small pile of envelopes a glance before moving away.

"I'm just calling because I just finished composing one of the songs," Maki sighed out before continuing, "Haven't started on the other two, but I thought I should send you one so you could get started on making the lyrics."

Umi nearly dropped her phone when she realized that she had forgotten to think of lyric ideas. "A-ah! Yes, that would make both of us finish our work faster. A-ahm, if it's all right with you, Maki, could you send the song through email? S-so, I could work on it tonight?" She stuttered her words, her mind berating herself for being careless enough to forget something so important.

"You haven't started yet, huh?" Maki asked. Though the azurette couldn't see, knew that a smirk was present on the redhead's lips.

"I-I have most certainly started! I am just, uh..." Her words soon ran dry as she found no excuse. A soft bout of laughter interrupted her small moment of gloom.

"Sure. I'll send it in a bit. It's a song for your subunit, so you'll have an easier time composing for it, I'm sure." Maki remarked, though the sly rise in her voice hadn't subsided.

"Ah, thank you for being so considerate, Maki." Umi thanked half-seriously, earning herself another chortle from the other side of the line.

"Just send them whenever before the end of the week just like Eli planned. See you at practice tomorrow, Umi."

"I promise to complete them before then. A goodnight to you, Maki." The azurette sighed out as soon as the call ended, returning to the seat affront her desk, a complicated look plastered on her face.

_Lyric ideas. I initially planned to work on them earlier today, but..._ Honey gold trailed back to the unopened letters on her desk. Wordlessly, she sat back down, reaching for a drawer beside her. Delicate movements filtered through the neat assortment of papers within until she found what she had been looking for, slipping it out before closing the drawer.

Umi examined the folded paper for a moment before setting it down in front of her, unfolded to display the lettering.

In a neat handwriting Umi thought was cute, she reread the contents of the letter she received from Kotori. _She gave this to me a month ago. For sure it was for my struggles with the lyrics then._ If it had been any consolation, her letter was a saving grace of inspiration, and without it Umi wouldn't have had been able to write proper lyrics to suit the song Maki composed for their last live performance. It had all worked out in such a seamless manner that Umi shouldn't blame herself for thinking anything else, but now she wasn't as sure.

Expelling a tense breath, she took one of the letters, hesitant hands on the paper before she resolved to open them, being careful as to not tear the contents inside. Nervousness slowed each of her movements, and Umi found that strange as if she should be doing something she shouldn't.

_These are Kotori's, after all. If I opened them without her knowledge..._ Despite every strand of thought telling her stop, Umi pushed on. Her eyes finally landed on the writing inside, clutching the paper carefully underneath her desk light.

'Umi-chan,

Even though I can't say it, I want my emotions to be known

Being with you every day, my heart aches when alone

Our conversations however mundane, I greet each and every one with joy

Etched into my dreams are wonderful memories.

But I want it to be more than just memories

You make my past happy, but I want to be your future

I wonder, would you feel the same too?

Unable to tell you every day, my heart aches. Why can't I say it to you sooner?

With pen and paper, I lay my emotion

My thoughts, hopes, despair and dream

Will the far horizon, the vast beautiful sea

be with me? Be with Kotori?'

Umi set the letter down, the words fresh in her mind. She drew in a breath, suddenly realizing that she had been holding it for quite some time. That could explain why her heart was racing. Her shortness of breath could assist in that thought.

"Kotori..." Her eyes wandered back to the pristine handwriting on the page, each line tugging at her heart strangely whenever she read it in her mind.

"I never knew Kotori could write like this..." The azurette lifted the letter to eye level, dancing her gaze over the last stanza. Each moment drew her in. She knew Kotori had an artistic touch, but never thought she could apply it to literature.

Umi nodded, setting the paper down as she decided on a thought. "I should ask her where she draws her inspiration from. Perhaps she has some literature I can borrow for reference." She smiled to herself, placing the letter with the first one, folding both neatly.

_Though I never expected Kotori to be interested in poetry._ With that thought, Umi retrieved yet another letter, opening it with marginally more ease and reading its contents.

'Umi-chan,

My waking nights are consumed with a single thought of you

The raging waves of love come crashing at my heart

Starry skies are the night's saving grace

When I slip under a dream to your smiling face.

I can't write well, to be honest I'm quite embarrassed

My words are often a mess, these letters show them well at their rarest

In the day, I speak normally

And every day, I fail to say what I want finally.

When the sun drops low, I get bolder

I want you to hold me tight

And whisper in my ear

Isn't the moon pretty tonight?'

The azurette daintily touched her cheek, feeling the strange warmth of her skin. Why is she feeling this way? Though her words try to search for a logical meaning, her eyes wander back to the paper, its writing stealing her mind away.

_This... This must be what it means to write impactful lyrics!_ She nodded in admiration, neatly folding the paper alongside the opened ones.

But then she remembered Honoka's words, and with it her smile dropped. _Wait, Honoka said these were not song lyric ideas... But inspiration can come from anywhere! But..._ Umi felt the texture of the paper as if whatever emotion they contained would be known. _Then why did she write these? For me? But, why were they with Honoka?_

The azurette mulled her thoughts over whilst opening the next letter. Only this and one more remained. She hummed amusedly at the theme of blue on the paper. Kotori was never one to let her colors become a mess, after all.

'Umi-chan,'

I love ~~you! you? you!!~~

alpacas! They're soft, fluffy and warm!

Can't get enough of them!'

That was the last coherent sentence before the latter half of the letter comprised of blackened out words, stanzas and lines. Umi giggled despite her confusion, giving the enigmatic letter the same respect as the previous ones when folding it. _How very Kotori-like to show her love for things._

_Love._ At the thought of the word, her mind played back to the last time she spoke with Kotori. On the bridge that evening. The last time she saw the ash-brunette smile.

_'Hey, Umi-chan? Do you ever think about love?'_

Gathering the opened letter in her hands, Umi flipped over each one delicately, the words still fresh, but unforgettable in her mind.

_'I... I think about love.'_ Kotori's voice was painfully clear, nearly wincing at the lonely tone the azurette hadn't realized until now.

_Is this what she meant about thinking of love?_ She thought, setting the letter down. All conveyed an intense emotion, but as to why, Umi didn't know.

Umi sighed deeply, eyes wandering aimlessly about the room before landing on the wall clock overhead. _It's already this late?! I have school tomorrow, and I have not started on the lyrics like I promised!_

Just then, a sound emerged behind her, turning around to find her older sister opening the door and entering the room. "Oh my, what's this? You're still awake at this hour, Umi?"

"W-what did mother say about knocking unannounced!" The younger protested in vain. The older azurette giggled amusedly, making leisurely strides to Umi's side.

"You mentioned you finished your homework before the weekend. So, what could be keeping the studious Umi up this late?" She leaned over, glancing to the letters stacked atop one another on the desk. Despite the swiftness of Umi to hide the papers, her older sister managed to read enough in one of them. "I take it you know what those letters are for, right?"

"T-they're private!" Umi yelled instead of answering, shoving the letters in her drawer away from her older sister's eyes that looked unconvinced at her words. "...I don't know the meaning behind them. All are signed to me, but I am unsure. I thought I did, but..." She trailed off, heaving a sigh underneath the intense stare.

The older azurette looked down at her sister, then sighed exasperatedly, her head shook in disbelief. "Ah, you haven't changed at all, have you?"

"What do you mean by that?" Umi frowned, a brow quirked curiously at her sister. She waved a hand dismissively as if swatting the question aside.

"They're whatever you think they are, in that case."

"However-!" The younger azurette spoke up, her voice accidentally louder than intended. Mouthing a quiet apology, she continued. "However... A friend of mine said they were not what I think they were. So, I'm at a loss."

"Are those letters meant for your friend?" Umi looked up, wordless at the sudden question. Without her voice, she answered by shaking her head.

"Of course not, they're signed for you, Umi!" Her sister said with a wide smile, reaching a hand to pat Umi's hair. "The emotions in those letters are meant for you and you alone. So, it's up to you."

"I..." Umi sat silently, mulling her older sister's words over. "I suppose you are right..." Her eyes gazed to the floor; her thoughts still cluttered. "Sister, could you please stop messing my hair? I just finished taking a bath."

"My, is Umi too grown up for a head pat? You used to enjoy them when you were younger."

"T-that was years ago!" The younger azurette pointed out, lightly swatting her sister's hand away from her head. Finally free, she turned to face her desk, face red with embarrassment. "Wait. Do _you_ know what these letters are for?"

"I do~" She hummed, already walking to the door. Before Umi could follow up with another question, a lazy hand raised up to stop her. "But you won't be knowing from me."

"But why?" Umi asked, frustration bleeding into her tone. She expected another enigmatic answer, or the lack of one. But her older sister stopped at the doorway, turning around to meet her eyes.

Mature honey gold met conflicted and confused eyes, and the older azurette couldn't help but smile.

"Because~ It would make this older sister happy if my dense younger sister can figure it out on her own."

"W-what is that supposed to mean- Hey!" Despite her protests, her older sister merely waved, muttering a cheery goodnight before closing the door. Once more, the room was silent, leaving Umi to her own thoughts.

_What does she mean by dense? Honoka used the same word too! Honestly..._ She heaved out a tired sigh, her gaze returning to the desk, then to the last unopened letter. If they're whatever I think they are, then...

Silently, she opened the last envelope. Its paper was crisper, newer. Umi didn't give it much thought before her eyes read the contents of the letter. The azurette didn't get far before she remembered something important.

_Oh, that's right! The lyrics for Maki's song._ She rushed to open her phone, flipping to the messaging app to find two new messages, both from Maki. One was an attached song file, the other simply saying: 'Don't stay up too late.'

The download was short, and as to not disturb the rest of the household, Umi slipped on earphones before playing the redhead's composition. The tempo was quick, and the melody was lovely. She drank in every note and spell of the song.

Soon, Umi started to hum the rhythm of the song. Though her voice hushed, held back none of the passion of the song.

Her eyes wandered back to the unread letter on her desk. Umi's mind read the words, but her mouth began to sing in tune to the music. It was strange to find the words to fit so well, but it was similar to a dance of two people. The odd, yet perfect flow of words and melody.

Before Umi would resort to burning midnight oil, she reached for her lyric notebook, opening to a blank page. Music blared passionately in her ears; the words accompanied seamlessly in her mind. It was a song, and Umi's hand and pen eagerly danced on the paper.


	14. Passionate Romantic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluttering about in a dream, the romantic within me is feeling lost upon its first awakening.  
> Somehow it isn't bad.  
> Fluttering about in a dream, it's all embarrassing.  
> But that's no good.  
> Come... once you fall in love, you have no choice but to try and fly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look at that a song reference who wouldve expected from an anime about singing
> 
> enjoy,

"Morning, Umi-chan!" Honoka yelled from the intersection, waving widely as Umi made her way over. It was unusual for the ginger to arrive at first, so seeing her cheery smile this early in the morning was a surprise to say the least. Umi couldn't think of any reason as to why she wanted to wake up early. Aside from the days of live performances or a day out with friends, the energetic ginger would typically be the last to arrive among them on their way to school.

"A good morning to you, Honoka." The azurette greeted, silently wondering why she was so excitable this early. "I am pleasantly surprised to see you arrive first before anyone else."

Honoka blew a raspberry in response, stomping her foot theatrically. "You're so mean, Umi-chan! I can wake up early by myself too, you know?"

"You're usually the last one, and as far as I am aware, there aren't any plans after school for you to look forward to." Umi explained her train of thought plainly, earning her another bout of noise from the ginger.

"I'm not a kid!" She huffed, crossing her arms as she frowned at the azurette, but it didn't last long before a grin split across her face, making Umi worry. "There is something, now that Umi-chan finally read the letters I gave you!"

"The letters?" Umi repeated, pointing a finger to herself in case she was mistaken. "What was supposed to happen if I read those letters, Honoka?"

"...You did read them, right?" The ginger asked in disbelief. Her smile was gone, arms slack at her sides as she gaped at her, completely floored. "T-tell me you did... Right?"

Umi herself was confused, but more on Honoka's words and the current expression framed by wild orange hair. "I did, just like you asked. Though, I do admit that Kotori has a way with words, I'm not sure on what they mean. But-" Before she could continue, a pent-up yell of frustration erupted from the girl in front of her, stunning the azurette.

"I can't believe you!" Honoka yelled, her voice a wonderful symphony of exasperation, anger, frustration, and total bafflement. "It's _written_ there, Umi-chan! How can you still be this thick after all that?!" She pointed an accusatory finger at her, feeling a sense of Deja vu from the events of yesterday. "You didn't just read through them and thought they were lyrics _again,_ did you?"

"Actually I-" Umi began to respond, reaching into her bag to retrieve her lyric book. She was rather proud of the new lyrics she wrote, though it was heavily inspired by the contents of Kotori's final letter. Still, stringing words and ideas to a fluent melody was a challenge that required skill.

Bringing out her notebook proved difficult with the hands gripped on her shoulders, now shaking her like Rin's maracas. "H-hey, Honoka! Stop that this instant!"

Honoka didn't let go, shaking the azurette harder as she droned on with harsh words Umi couldn't understand, mainly due to half the words being pronounced before devolving into angry yells.

_It's too early for this!_ Umi reached at her arms, about to pry the ginger away when a sudden voice erupted from behind her.

"U-uhm. What's going on, you two?" Kotori looked quizzically at her two friends, a neutral smile on her face. The sight stilled Umi's movements, but she didn't know why. She felt Honoka's grip leave her shoulders. Turning her head back, a nervous demeanor replaced the sudden frustration on the ginger's face. Instead of the deep scowl was a hastily put smile to greet the ash-brunette.

"Ah, good morning, Kotori-chan! Umi-chan and I were just uh, talking about the show we watched together the other day! It was sooo good I had to tell her!" A nervous laugh trailed after her words, rousing suspicion from the azurette. Other than the flat-out lie the ginger told just now.

"Ooh! I'm glad you liked it, Honoka-chan!" Kotori beamed, returning the smile with a cheery grin. Her eyes darted from Honoka's to meet Umi's, the smile dissipating ever so slightly. The change was subtle, but it was one Umi saw. "You should watch it with us next time, Umi-chan!"

"Ah-" Her mouth felt dry, the words catching on the tip of her tongue. She took a moment longer to compose herself. "I'll happily watch it with you two next time then, if you say it's interesting."

Kotori nodded to her words, the smile growing more distant. "Of course!" She looked away as she stepped next to Honoka. "Then, should we get going before we're late to school?"

"A-ah, you're right!" The ginger said in slight panic, shuddering at the thought of running late again. She began walking, the other two following alongside her. The conversation trailed off to idle chatter and pleasantries, but Umi couldn't pay attention to any of the topics.

Her attention was on the smile on Kotori's face. It seemed like her usual smile, but something felt off. The way their gazes met reflected a longing hurt, and how her smile would drop whenever Umi would try to give a smile of her own. It made her tread every word carefully, making each interjection into the conversation an awkward exchange.

Umi tried to convince herself it was nothing, but the strange ache in her chest at the hurt look on the ash-brunette stuck with her. The walk to school saw herself majorly silent throughout its entirety, she was distracted in class, and her thoughts continued to plague her into an unfinished lunch. Her mind took no effort into anything else except for stealing glances at Kotori without her knowledge. It was the only way to see her smile genuinely. If they met eyes, the smile she'd look for wouldn't be there, replaced with a grimace force on a pretty face.

Stewing in her thoughts, one wonder frequently bubbled up to the forefront. _Maybe she's upset at me? Perhaps I did something wrong?_

* * *

"We'll be doing subunit practices today?" Umi asked, entering the clubroom with a confused look. On the table sat Maki, Nozomi, and Rin, with the latter two next to one another. Beside herself was Eli whom she bumped into at the hallway, apparently returning from being called by teachers. The azurette understood, as she was also called by the student council adviser to bring paperwork to the staffroom.

Only herself was called, so Honoka and Kotori went ahead to the clubroom. It was a five minute request, so Umi saw no need to ask the two to wait for her. Though, in her own words, nothing ever takes five minutes.

"Where are Honoka and Kotori?" Closing the door after the blonde, Umi walked to a vacant seat on the table, setting her schoolbag down before being seated at her usual spot. Across her, Maki cleared her throat.

"They went with Hanayo to begin practicing. Honoka called dibs on the rooftop so the rest of us have to find somewhere else." She spoke with a hint of irritation as she twirled a strand of vibrant red hair.

"I don't see the reason why we have to practice so far apart from one another, though." Umi responded before a sharp yell cut her off, whirring around, the other first year in the room rose from her chair, lightly slamming the table as she glared at the indignant redhead.

"Since Umi-chan is here, Lily White calls dibs on the practice room!" Rin announced, pointing a finger at the side door that led to the spacious room adjacent to the clubroom.

In a vain show of defiance, Maki stood up to face the ginger, arms crossed over her chest. "It's not our fault Nico-chan isn't here yet!" Rin blew a raspberry at the understandable complaint. The rule of dibs is absolute and indiscriminate.

"Now now, Maki." Eli said soothingly, patting the redhead's shoulder to sit her back down. "We'll be working on composing today, so we'll be taking the music room. Umi's subunit already have the song and lyrics, so they need the room for privacy while they practice." Ever the voice of reason, Maki saw no argument, sitting back down with a huff as she turned away, returning to twirling her hair.

"I guess that makes sense... Though I agree with Umi on why we need to practice apart from each other." She grumbled, sinking low into the table. On the far side of the table, Nozomi giggled as she spoke up.

"My, do you miss Hanayo-chan already? It's only been ten minutes, y'know?" She laughed, smirking at the sudden bloom of red on Maki's cheeks.

"I-It's nothing like that! It's just really dumb and- Why are you looking at me like that, Rin?!" The redhead faced away from the rest of the girls, her finger rapidly entangling itself in her hair. She was not left alone for long before Rin hugged her from behind, eliciting bouts of protests in her grasp.

"So, that's what it is, nya! Don't worry, Rin is here to keep you company while Kayo-chin is away, nya!"

"I said that's not it at all! L-let me go!" Maki tried to pry the ginger away, the endeavor showing no results until the door swung open. Violent red eyes scanned the scene before her, the door clicking shut behind her.

"What the hell's gotten you all so loud so early?" Nico asked as she made her way to the table, sitting down on a chair with an unceremonious thump. Umi wore a look of concern, but before she could question, Eli already provided an answer.

"Come on, Nico. The exam wasn't that bad." The blonde remarked with a consoling smile, moving away from the first-year duo.

"Shut up!" Was her only retort, and with a clap from Nozomi, the remaining six members of μ's change into their training clothes and split off into their respective subunits.

While the exchange was a welcoming change of pace, Umi's thoughts soon returned to her earlier worries of Kotori. As the three members of BiBi left the room, the sudden silence was a window for her worries to worm to the forefront of her mind.

"Hey, Umi-chan! Is everything okay, nya? Were classes tiring for you, too?" Rin bounced into view, peering up at the azurette with a curious look. The sudden closeness caused Umi to jump back, nearly slamming onto the shelf of idol memorabilia.

"I'm just fine, R-Rin!" Umi stuttered out, fixing herself as she moved away from the cat-like girl to collect her belongings. "I'm just... Thinking on how to proceed with today's practice as a subunit."

"My, hardworking as ever huh, Umi-chan?" Nozomi cooed, somehow appearing behind the ginger, a mysterious grin plastered on an easygoing expression. "Sure you aren't thinkin' of someone in particular?"

The azurette gulped, her off-handed inquiry hitting the bullseye. At this point two things could be decided: Either Nozomi was very lucky or, despite every logical excuse Maki might say, might actually possess spiritual powers.

Of course, the latter was absolutely silly to Umi, so it would always be the former. "I don't know what you're implying, Nozomi." Sighing, she began to unbutton her blazer, turning around to meet emerald eyes. "Let us quickly get changed. You and Rin still need to read the lyrics before singing them out."

"What?! But it was us last time, nya!" Rin whined, but the sudden glare from her led to no more arguments. Amidst idle conversation they changed into training wear. Rin and Nozomi's chatter did well to distract her thoughts. At least, well enough that she wasn't unmoving. Making sure that the more unruly members of the group stayed at the task at hand demanded constant attention, after all.

"All right. Here are the lyrics for the song Maki composed for us. Oh! And I downloaded the song on my phone for all three of us to listen." As all three members of Lily White filed into the adjacent room, Umi briefed the other two on their current progress.

“I'll get the speaker, then!" Nozomi clapped, moving back into the clubroom to retrieve the group's wireless speaker. It was the newest model, only obtainable with the newest innovation in technology and, more importantly, through Maki's immense wealth.

As handy as it was for song and dance rehearsals, Umi and Eli took great efforts that the other members wouldn't abuse the poor speaker during their rest days. Such an endeavor took great commitment amidst adversaries like Rin silently connecting to the speaker via bluetooth to play cat videos, Nico and Hanayo playing idol lives at too high of a volume, the occasional romantic drama shows courtesy of Kotori, and unspeakable audio from Nozomi that Umi dared not to recall without recoiling from sheer embarrassment.

"Say, Umi-chan," Rin spoke out, reading through the neat piece of paper that held the lyrics Umi wrote last night. A faint red dusted her cheeks. "Did you actually write this, nya?"

"Eh? What makes you ask that, Rin?" Though heavily inspired by the last of Kotori's letters, she still added her own words and interpretations into the final draft, albeit slight. Still, the azurette was impressed that Rin could tell something as subtle as her own writing style.

"U-uhm... Rin thinks it's quite-" Before she could explain, Nozomi loudly proclaimed her return, the vibrant red speaker held up above her head. Though intentional or not, Maki was momentarily teased for gravitating towards the red color. "I'm back!"

"We can get started, in that case." Umi flipped open her notebook, slipping out a sheet of paper similar to Rin's, handing it to Nozomi. "For the first time, I'd like Rin to take the lead with you providing backing vocals, Nozomi."

It seemed more of a command than a request, but the third year gave a hearty nod, taking the lyrics before giving its entirety a readthrough. Umi watched with bated breath, expecting a teasing remark or critique about her latest work. _Actually, wasn't Rin mentioning something about the lyrics?_ Umi glanced over to the ginger in question, her eyes glued to Nozomi's expression.

"...Huh." Was her only feedback, lowering the paper to scope the azurette. The strange scrutiny made her grow nervous, but not for long when a mischievous smirk began to crawl up her features. "Well, ya' heard her, Rin-chan. Leave it to me!"

"B-but!" Before the ginger could raise her complaint, she was already ushered by her senior onto the main floor of the room. Umi took this time to set the speaker on a chair, pulling up another to sit down in front of them. Again, the gap of silence brought her back to thought of Kotori. She was having plenty of them today but was unsure as to why. They barely interacted at all today, too.

Worse of all, however, was the distant smile directed at her whenever their eyes would meet. Kotori always had smiled for both of them, so to go through a day without that left a strange whole in her chest.

"Come on, nya!" Rin called out, snapping her back to reality. The ginger stood in the middle of the room, the lyrics firmly held on one hand. At her side was Nozomi in the same fashion. Two pairs of eyes watched her. She must've been silent for a while.

"A-ah. My apologies, you two. I will be starting the song now." Umi cleared her throat, unable to meet either of their gazes. Silently she reached for her phone as well as their spare device that allowed them to record whilst they sang.

"B-but, we haven't heard the song ye-" With a quiet beep, the azurette hit the play button on her phone. The room was soon filled with a melody, halting the other two's words. Five seconds in, the melody trailed off into silence.

"Is it starting?" Rin's question was quickly answered by the sudden return of the music. Despite the interruption, Umi didn't pause. Her only response was giving the signal on when to start. And, despite the confusion, Rin began to sing, holding up the lyrics as she had only read through it once.

The azurette listened intently. She had never tried to sing the lyrics herself this time, so she couldn't provide direction. In the beginning, the ginger stumbled over the words as she tried to keep up with the music. At her side Nozomi swayed carelessly to the beat whilst providing backing vocals.

Rin always had a powerful voice, so it was to no surprise to Umi that her delivery was nothing to complain about. What hit her, however, was the lyrics as she sang. In her head, the words seemed distant. A faint echo she merely wrote down on paper.

_"Wait, don't discover me this quickly-"_ With a voice accompanying the words, a strange feeling wove itself in the open air of the room. It left her speechless as if the sensation snaked down her throat and coiled itself in her chest.

_"It's strange... A strangely hot sigh can be a little bit passionate!"_

Indeed, it was strange. As Rin and Nozomi sang, Umi sat with a stunned breath. An uneasy fluttering in her stomach kept her from feet from staying still, honey gold glued to her two subunit members. It was then Umi understood: What she couldn't do yesterday as she read through the letters were understanding the feelings behind them.

_"Fluttering about in a dream, it's all embarrassing. But, that's no good-"_ In front of her, Rin and Nozomi sang with fervor, doing justice to the emotion the azurette failed to understand. _"Come one, you have no choice but to try and fly."_

A fluttering feeling pounded at her chest. She nearly dropped the recorder only to barely catch it when it slipped out of her hand. Yet, she continued to listen.

_"How about a fragile, fragile love? The flower buds are enticing me. But I still can't move my weak wings.”_ The ginger and the third year took turns singing every two lines, a seamless exchange where each one's voice unwrapped the feelings behind every syllable for the azurette to hear.

At the second chorus was when it hit her. The strange intimacy of each line felt confusing until now. Voices dancing to the music, the words were meant for her. The repeated instance of passionate emotion felt more of a memory than a lyrical sentiment.

Umi's thoughts returned her to the bridge during her weekend out with Kotori. She cursed under a breathless exhale. The bitterness then clutched at her chest. _Why am I remembering this now?_

_"Come... Once you fall in love, you have no choice but try to fly!"_

She didn't know why everything felt so familiar. The words, definitely. She wrote them, after all. But it was the emotions that coiled around her was something she couldn't understand. And throughout the rest of the song, she was still left in this unknown.

_"I want to watch this fluttering dream, this heart pounding dream..."_ It was a mix of emotions, but the prevalent being relief that the song finished with a trailing melody of melancholy. In contrast to the fast tempo, its finale was somber, as if the hope built up through the song ended in sadness. A passionate romance still persisting, but unrequited.

Rin and Nozomi stood, relaxing from their poses to collect their breath. Umi did the same, welcoming the swallow of air gratefully. "So... How was that, Umi-chan?" The ginger spoke first, eyeing down the azurette with an expectant glint.

"A-ah... You two did wonderfully..." Her response was more of a distracted filler as she scrambled to stop the recording. Two sets of footsteps approached her, and she stood up when the recording was saved. "I will be honest; I hadn't quite figured out the melody and flow of the lyrics. I apologize if I didn't disclose that sooner and left you two to your devices."

"Don't worry, Umi-chan. We did pretty well though, don'tcha' think?" Nozomi asked smugly, nudging her with a smirk. Umi took a step back, shaking her head exasperatedly, but gave an agreeing grimace.

"Yes. I am glad you two handled it. I am impressed, really." Backhanded compliment aside, Rin grinned happily. Though she returned her attention to the sheet of paper in her hand, showing it to Umi.

"I'm more impressed with you, Umi-chan! It's like the feelings are totally real. Rin's all giggly thinking about it, nya!" Rin remarked, bouncing to Umi's side in a soft hug.

"R-Rin! I don't understand what you mean by 'real?'" The azurette fired back, confused as she scowled at the ginger who refused to let go.

"I mean," Nozomi interjected, turning her copy of the lyrics in her hand. "The words have got a lotta' feeling in them, y'know? It really is like the person who wrote it wanted to confess their love." She explained with a knowing tone, her grin played down to a carefree smile.

"She's right, nya!" Rin chimed in, breaking away before the azurette's grip found her shoulders. Blowing a raspberry, she continued. "I didn't know Umi-chan could romantically love for somebody else, nya."

"Right?~" Nozomi joined in, both giggling at the mere thought of her being associated with something as shameless as romance. Umi scowled, sucking in a breath to prepare her retort.

"M-me?! Certainly not! The words actually came from K-"

And it was then it finally hit her. Like the sun after a long winter night, the answer dawned on her slowly, yet clearly. Similar to waves, the realization crashed into her harshly, her mind washed into a blank canvas save for the sole thought. One she never expected to entertain- No, one she refused to entertain in the slightest.

Yet, nothing remained to explain the unknown familiarity. With this, the emotions had an anchor, a commonality aside from how it all constricted her chest. The flow of the song was no melody, but a memory. One she remembered, one she was a part of, and one she caused. The upbeat passion that ended with an abrupt somber tone replayed with a dangerous similarity to that weekend just recently.

Umi gulped, swallowing down a dense thickness in her throat. _Dense._ Ah. So, that was what they meant. It was something she will admit to Honoka and to her own sister, but at a later date. As Rin grinned excitedly, and Nozomi smirked knowingly, Umi forced down shame to come to terms with this uncontested realization.

_...Kotori loves me?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ladies and gentlemen, we’re in
> 
> i couldn't just copy paste the lyrics of the song because that's dumb, so i did a mix of what umi could hear from the song most and the rest of it integrated into her thoughts 
> 
> again, im experimenting. lemme know what you think


	15. Declaring to the Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the truth in front of her, Umi isn't sure how to proceed. If only things were as simple as they were back when they were kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh yeah i have a twitter you can go to that has absolutely nothing but yknow read my bio   
> https://twitter.com/Beethanolol

Umi stopped at the base of the stairs, her schoolbag slung over her shoulder. Practice had already ended. How long ago since? She wasn't sure. Other thoughts had taken much more precedence in her mind.

She slapped her cheeks, feeling her shoes against the floor and the area around her. She felt a numb stinging sensation on her face. How many times had she been forcing herself out of her thoughts?

Umi knew these were not the right questions to ask herself. Taking a longer route home, she mentally swatted the unnecessary inquires of her mind, leaving only one for pondering.

_How could I have been so blind?!_

She collapsed down onto a conveniently near park bench, suppressing despaired yells into the afternoon air. Luckily no one was around; only the distant bustle of the city and the swaying trees were her only companion.

The azurette slipped off her bag, filtering through her assortment of notebooks and papers for a certain set of letters. She opened each one, every line driving the point of how incredibly dense she had been. Umi knew she musn't yell. It was unladylike and unsightly. Despite the terrible hole she had dug herself into for Gods know how many years, she must remain composed.

Wary hands flipped to a random sheet, glancing through its context fleetingly, gaze settling down at its end.

_'Will the far horizon, the vast beautiful sea_

_be with me? Be with Kotori?'_

Umi dropped the letters in her lap. She cupped both hands on her face before promptly screaming at the ground.

_This couldn't be... I am misunderstanding this, surely..._ She tried to convince herself in vain, no matter what she could come up with. Confusing the letters for song lyrics? Now that was a misunderstanding. With painful clarity, the azurette could finally admit that the papers on her lap were, in fact, love letters.

Suddenly, her head shot up, blinking the orange-bathed park into view. "T-then, that means... On that weekend, that wasn't a mere outing b-but a d- A d-..." Her blush returned with more heat, degrading her into a fit of embarrassed mumbles.

Regaining a semblance of composure, Umi took a deep breath, collecting her thoughts before they could run wild again. In the temporary reprieve from embarrassment, there was guilt. In not noticing Kotori's feelings sooner, she had done nothing but hurt her. One of her oldest friends through all aspects of social life, paying back nothing in return but pain and hurt feelings.

Putting everything aside, she cared about Kotori. In what way? That didn't matter right now. What did, however, was that she had done wrong by her and wanted to make it right.

_But... How?_ Umi swung her feet, feeling her heels dig into the dirt below. She looked down, remembering the time when her feet could swing freely above the ground. This park was the very same one where she met Honoka and Kotori. They were simpler times. Back then, it was a herculean labor just to muster up courage to talk to them.

Umi hummed a somber laugh. She was back in the same situation.

The sun was creeping low behind the buildings, subdued shadows of violet bleeding into the blanket of orange light. Everyone else would likely have gotten home by now. She should be returning home as well.

_Should I call her?_ As she stood, the azurette took out her phone, staring at the device whilst she mulled over the thought. A conflicted sigh escaped her, and slow feet began the walk home as she put her cellphone away. _No, it feels too impersonal. But I can't face her after knowing how much I've hurt her._ For all her ability to solve other people's problems, Umi found herself stumped at her own.

Taking one last look at the park she wondered to herself how she managed to get involved with them despite her crippling shyness. It took a while to remember, pushing past her memories of internal anxiety before the answer bounded up to the forefront of her mind.

Umi heaved a sigh, already not looking forward to the conversation she would have to put herself though. _Later. I will call her when I return home._

* * *

Anxious fingers drummed against her desk; honey gold downcast at the phone in front of her. She promised to do it later, and now with the moon fixed up at the night, it was now later. She thought to postpone the task for tomorrow, perhaps during a moment alone in person, but she quickly shook off the notion. Umi resolved to do this now, and a Sonoda must always keep to their word.

With that firmly struck in her mind, Umi picked up her phone, quickly navigating to the contacts list and dialing the desired number before a second thought could worm itself into her resolve.

She waited with bated breath as the device dialed. The first ring; she was never prompt with answering her phone. The second; she would likely be laying down on her bed, her phone left on the table. The third ring. Perhaps she was busy with helping out at the shop? Sudden orders can bog the store down at times.

The fourth ring never came and Umi welcomed a fresh bout of air when a voice broke out through the phone's speaker. "Hello? What's up, Umi-chan?"

"Good evening, Honoka. Are you uh... Busy as of the moment?" She greeted, composing herself for the conversation ahead. She heard a hum, along with the sound of a door sliding shut.

"Nope! Is something up? You sort of just disappeared after practice was over."

"I uh... Had to run an errand for my family." The azurette lied, taking each moment of silence to sort her words out. "Listen, I... need to tell you something."

"Something?" Honoka repeated, she could hear her footsteps faintly through the phone. Was she heading back to her room? Or was someone already there and she's now finding a private place to have the call? Umi shook her head, dispelling the distracting thoughts. "Yes, about today and uh... About the letters you gave me."

The line was silent, hearing nothing except for the beating of her heart. After a painful moment of nothing, the ginger finally spoke, her words a wary crawl. "And?"

"...And, what?" Umi repeated, confused. She heard an exasperated sigh, which made her silently grumble. The tables were unfortunately flipped this time around.

" _And_ do you know what they mean now?" Honoka asked again, her tone biting down frustration. Umi was glad this exchange was happening on the phone. It spared her from being seen completely flushed with embarrassment. Breathing in, she nodded.

"Yes." She answered resolutely. There was no misunderstanding now. If she tried to look for any, she'd be a bigger fool than Honoka on a forgetful day. Despite the very thought heating up her face, she had to face the music.

"...Wait, really?" Came Honoka's response, confused and frankly baffled. Umi frowned at the phone, hoping the sentiment would reach the ginger. "Umi-chan, you... Actually know?"

"Yes, Honoka." Umi hissed, taking great care to tame the mixture of shame and irritation boiling inside her. though if she were to be honest, she couldn't blame her. With the obvious hints, it was no surprise that Honoka wouldn't believe her. That she would misunderstand a second time and leave it at that. _Obvious hints._ The azurette frowned at herself. Calling it that didn't feel right for how dense she had been until now. But hindsight is always 20/20.

"Uhm... How did you end up knowing, Umi-chan?" The ginger asked slowly, progressing the conversation slowly as if to preserve the hope that it was heading in the direction she wanted before it came crashing down. To her fortune, and to the despair of Umi, it wouldn't be such a conversation this time.

"I... Ended up drawing inspiration from one of her letters for song lyrics. T-then, Rin and Nozomi sang them with Maki's composition, and uh..." The more she explained what happened, the more ridiculous it sounded. All of it seemed like it was taken straight from those romance dramas Kotori would frequently watch. It was silly, and the fact that it was happening to her was the real irony of it all.

Umi trailed off, unsure how to continue. A quiet slap from the other side of the line gave her pause, rousing her curiosity. _Did... Did she facepalm?_

"Umi-chan..."

"Please, no more." Umi cut in, barely holding the phone as she sunk low on the desk. "I know that I've been somewhat... Dense."

" _Somewhat?_ " Honoka repeated, incredulous. The azurette found no grounds to argue. The train of shame was a fully booked ride with her at the driver's seat.

"Fine. It was a little more than a mere 'somewhat.'" There was silence on the other side. Umi metaphorically held her hands up in complete surrender, her voice dropping to a tone of defeat. "...I admit that I was completely blind to Kotori's uh... Advances."

Honoka huffed in a silent victory, her voice returning to the call. "Took you long enough! Did you know how long Kotori would complain how dense you were being?!"

* * *

The hour dragged on, and Umi was completely powerless to the verbal assault from Honoka. She was certain the world had turned upside down. There she was, submissively face down on her desk as Honoka of all people was berating her on her actions. The phrase 'The tables have turned' had become an understatement. No, this felt like the table was promptly thrown out the window and replaced by another table. The proverbial cherry to top the whole affair was that she had deserved everything.

Perhaps deserved was too extreme of a word, but it was one Umi ended up using as she could only mutter out weak apologies amidst Honoka's rant. There were no excuses, not like she was the type to use them anyway.

"Seriously, Umi-chan. You're the type to overthink things, but this is ridiculous!" Honoka finished with a huff, tired but liberated after having to bottle everything up for years. When it was clear that she wasn't going to continue, Umi took this time to muster the words to speak.

"So... I am at a loss on what to do now. W-what I mean is, that I don't know how to face her, knowing what I've done."

"More like what you didn't do," Honoka remarked, but one not out of malice. Still, it didn't make the guilt inside Umi any beter. "You've just got to talk to her, Umi-chan!"

"But!" She snapped, but nothing followed. The liveliness in her voice faded as quickly as it came, leaving her voice soft and unsure. "I cannot imagine myself even standing in front of her, let alone saying something." Silence ensued between them, and Umi took a deep breath, abandoning her pride as the question bounced in her head.

"Will you... Help me, Honoka?" She heard a loud hum on the speaker. In her mind she could see Honoka's face prtend to mull the question over before baring a wide grin as she agreed. The thought that despite everything, her childhood friend would still help her out filled the azurette with warmth.

"Nope!"

Umi blinked, shooting up straight in her chair at the sudden, unexpected answer. "U-uh... Come again?" She hoped it was a poorly timed joke, that the ginger would say so and agree to help her out. Unfortunately, the answer was the same, and Umi sunk back down on her desk. "B-but! Can I at least ask you why not?"

"Because, Umi-chan!" Honoka started, her voice an out-of-place cheeriness. "This is something you need to do on your own. That is, if you know what you want to do." There was an odd turn of phrase that rubbed off on Umi the wrong way. If it was bait, then she took it hook, line, and sinker.

"What do you mean by that, Honoka?" Umi frowned, disliking the way she's being kept in the dark. She thought that she'd been acting dense again, but quickly discarded the thought. She admitted to it the first time, but she surely can't be dense the second time.

"Well," The ginger deliberated over her words. A rare trait that almost never happened from her. "What do you feel about Kotori-chan?"

"I-!" Once more, her words vanished into smoke. It was a question she had tried to dodge ever since earlier this afternoon, but now that it was in front of her, she was forced to have it take precedence in her mind. _What do I feel about Kotori?_

Umi breathed out, focusing back on the call. "I... I'm not sure." She admitted.

"See? I can't tell you what to feel, Umi-chan. That's up to you." Umi fell into silence at Honoka's words. It made sense, which was something she'd never expect from the ginger. She had no comeback, no argument. Just the conflicted acceptance that she hadn't sorted her own feelings out.

"Hey, I got to go, Umi-chan! Think about it, okay? No more being denser than a brick!" She joked, but Umi said nothing, still thinking it over. She took the lack of response as a response in of itself, and she moved to end the call.

"Honoka!" Umi's sudden outburst stopped her from pressing the 'end call' button, putting the phone back up to her ear.

"Umi-chan?" The ginger called out, curious. Umi cast her thoughts aside. She could think about them later. For now, she wanted to, at the very least, end this conversation with some semblance of her pride left. Gathering her courage, she tried not to think about how embarrassing it was.

"It's just like you said a few days ago, Honoka." Umi paused, swallowing her nerves. "I do not want to see Kotori cry anymore."

Her declaration was firm, but her cheeks burned a deep crimson. Though she couldn't see, Honoka smiled at her resolve. "Then, figure it out quick, Umi-chan!" A beep followed after, indicating that Honoka had ended the call. Quietly, she put her phone down on the desk, resting her head on tired arms.

It was going to be a long night of figuring things out.

* * *

Nodding in accomplishment to herself, Honoka closed her phone, returning back to her room. She had tried not to be loud in the hallway, as there was no other place to hold a private conversation and going outside felt too much of a hassle. Plus, it was already cold, and she was only wearing shorts.

"Sorry to keep you waiting!" She announced her return, sliding the door open only to jump back at the figure stood right behind it.

"Weren't you a tad harsh on Umi-san just now?" The girl asked, an amused smirk on her face. Honoka shook her head, flashing an excited grin as she walked in the room, sitting down in front of the table with a relieved sigh.

"It's fine! She deserved it anyway for being so dense." The ginger slumped over the table, resting her tired legs after standing for a good hour while on the phone. "Seriously, who mistakes love letters for lyrics a second time!?"

"Whoever could be so clueless as to ignore obvious signs, huh?" The brunette remarked with a laugh, moving to sit across her. Honoka puffed her cheeks, playfully grumbling.

"I'm not as bad as her!"

"Sure, you're not, Honoka."

"You're mean, Tsubasa-chan!" She blew a raspberry, but soon erupted into a lively bout of laughter. "Umi-chan's smart, so she can figure things out on her own!" She spoke, more in a way to convince herself. Tsubasa understood this and quirked an eyebrow at her. "Y'know... Eventually she will!"

She reached for a manjuu on the table, taking a bite whilst she talked, muffling her speech. "And her and Kotori-chan will finally be happy together!" The thought filled Honoka with joy. It would be like old times, but with the exception of seeing Umi blush with Kotori at her side acting all lovey-dovey. By extension, she could be happy to see her childhood friend Umi mature from being a brick wall. That, too, was a plus.

"You sure care about them, huh?" Tsubasa's question was answered with a lively smile. Honoka swallowed the pastry in her mouth before continuing.

"Of course! They're my best friends, after all!" She said happily, biting more of the manjuu until it was completely gone.

"I hope it goes well for the two of them, then. I wish both her and Kotori-san all the best." The brunette returned the smile with one of her own, reaching a hand over to remove a stray piece of pastry on the ginger's cheek with a thumb.

Tsubasa examined the lone fleck of manjuu for a moment before licking it off her thumb, forest green meeting crystal blue. "And to think you were the same airhead leader from when we met, Honoka."

"Hm? What do you mean?" The ginger asked confusedly, swallowing to clear her throat. Tsubasa blinked, then hummed out an amused laugh.

"Never mind, you're still the same as ever."

"What's that supposed to mean!?"

"Who knows?" She shrugged, dropping her gaze to select which manjuu to pick from the plate, deliberately ignoring Honoka's questions.

"Geez!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey i heard you like characters you wouldn't mind if i just
> 
> added m o r e
> 
> if the titles dont make sense ask me ill try to explain (provided i do have an explanation and it isnt just a random word smash)


	16. Umi Sonoda's Qualifications and Basis on Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is love? Was that the emotion she was feeling?

It was another sleepless night for Umi. Another long night of thinking.

Her conversation with Honoka was still fresh in her mind. _What do I feel about Kotori?_ It wasn't a question she often found herself answering, so she never gave it much thought. It wasn't that she didn't feel anything towards her, but rather she never knew what they were and until now, she never needed to. The suddenness of Honoka's question had caught her off guard, her sleep stolen as her mind tried to sort out her own feelings. If her thoughts were strings tied to pins on a board, they'd be as complicated as the Tokyo train lines.

When the first rays of morning filtered through her window, she had at least settled on one thing. She had thought about it long and hard, and further denial would only make her look like a bigger fool.

As she laid down on her bed, her realization was spoken under hushed lips. "I care about Kotori." When she heard her own words, Umi quickly felt her face heat up. From embarrassment? Not quite. Staying up all night had only produced such a shallow result. Pinning her emotions for her long-time friend as simply 'care about' wasn't the most thought-provoking conclusion. So much for having an affinity with words, Umi thought.

Her morning routine was a blur, too preoccupied with her thoughts. What else did she feel for her? Labels had done no favors, so she tried to remember all the times they had been together. Starting from the point of childhood seemed too far, but Umi was never a person to perform a task half-baked.

"My, Umi. You look like you didn't get a wink of sleep." Her sister remarked as she took her seat on the dining table. She hid her yawn, blinking away drowsiness to meet her eyes.

"I... Had a lot to think about last night." Umi mumbled in response, her own eyes betraying nothing, a gaze still wandering in deep thought.

The older azurette hummed, a light smile playing across her face. "I take it you know what those letters actually mean now?" Umi was stunned for a moment, then with flushed cheeks, she bowed her head down, nodding. "So, do you have any intentions in answering them?"

"H-huh?!" For all her thinking, it had never crossed her mind that she needed to think of a response. She knew Kotori's feelings towards her, but her own were still cluttered. She couldn't give an answer in this state. "I... I still have to think about it."

"Do you not feel the same way?" Came another question. Umi looked up to see her sister's gaze finding hers, she idly ate her breakfast in the meanwhile.

Composing herself to the best of her ability, the younger azurette stammered out a quick response. "That's not it! I-" Her question clicked, and Umi's words died in her throat. Did she feel the same way?

"Well," Her sister continued when she gave no answer. "You better eat your breakfast, Umi. You cannot think on an empty stomach, after all."

Umi's eyes snapped to the dish in front of her, realizing its existence just now. Her thoughts were really keeping her occupied today. "A-ah, yes... Thank you for the meal." Wordlessly, she ate, her movements slow. She mulled her sister's question over in silence. Does she feel the same way? Kotori felt love, but what about her?

She gnawed on her chopsticks. Love was a strong, complicated word, and meant differently to whoever was asked. Honoka's desire for bread was one way of love, and Hanayo's love for idols was another. Herself? She could say that she loved her school, being a school idol, and performing with everybody.

Different emotions, but all were described with the same word. Umi scratched her head in frustration. _Ah, I'm overthinking this, aren't I?_ She looked around, finding her bowl empty and her sister nowhere to be seen. The sun had risen higher in the sky. If she wouldn't hurry soon, she'd be late for school.

Umi sighed, walking to her room to change. That had been a blurry affair as well, there was much to think about. She thought about Love in a different perspective, then thought to the relationship between Maki and Hanayo. It was an intimate, romantic love that they shared. But what made it different? They'd hug, and if neither of them wasn’t too embarrassed to do it, they'd kiss. Typical things for lovers to do, Umi initially thought, but she remembered that Honoka, Kotori and Umi do those very same actions towards one another since childhood.

Yes, kisses on the cheek, but the emotions were still there. Did that make her in a relationship with both Honoka and Kotori? _Certainly not! And Honoka's too much of a handful._

She stepped up the long staircase towards the school, a brisk wind cooling her face. Umi tackled what she thought of the word love, but with her older sister's question and Honoka's, she soon found herself yet with another dilemma. Did she feel love?

She stopped, finding herself in front of a quiet school. Was she too early? Checking her phone, she was about twenty minutes early before the rush. Umi missed the crosswalk where she'd meet up with both Honoka and Kotori. She shrugged, entering the school. She'll just text them that she had gone ahead. Besides, she can't hold up a conversation with her mind a cluttered mess.

The azurette decided to rest below the tree she'd spend lunch at. The breeze was too nice to pass up, and the classroom environment would only serve as a distraction. She patted her lap nervously, sorting her thoughts together. What does she feel? Was it the same? Was it love, or something else?

Does she love Kotori?

Umi bit her bottom lip, the question sitting uncomfortably on her tongue. Inside, a guilt gnawed at her stomach. She still hadn't arrived at a proper answer for Kotori. How would she face her today? She supposed being early this morning, without the bustling activity, Umi could be alone to sort through her emotions.

The sun was felt warm on her skin, but strangely her face felt warmer and the tree's canopy was providing shade. She took a breath, sighing slowly to ease her tired mind. Umi reread her letters. They were all confessions, and confessions usually would be returned with acceptance or rejection. A yes or no. To say yes meant she felt the same way, and no meant otherwise. Answering with either took resolve, and that was something she didn't have with her current indecisiveness.

How would a lover see her partner? Her experience and insight were only limited to novels, love songs, and romance dramas that she got roped into watching, but even inspirations drew from true accounts, right? _Let's see..._ A lover felt strongly towards their partner, that much is true. They cared for their safety and well-being, they would make sure their partner was never lonely or sad. They'd be a main part of their life, and without them, it wouldn't be the same. A relationship would have laughs, tears, happiness and hardships, but they'd build each other to surpass it all.

It all felt familiar on Umi's tongue as she silently mumbled her thoughts. It was everything she had experienced with Kotori throughout their friendship together. If she removed the fact they were for lovers, it all perfectly described her emotions. Well, nearly perfect. One thing still sat oddly in her mind, and that was the usage of the word 'Love.'

Umi took a deep breath, sighing it out deeply. Could she really say she loved Kotori? Of course, but was it the same kind of love that Kotori felt for her?

"I..." Hands quickly shot up to cover her face, the embarrassment making her skin hot to the touch. A maiden's heart was a fickle thing, and hers was no exception.

Collecting her composure, Umi tried a different approach. What did she want to do? A simple question, but it was a start. _Firstly, I'd want to respond to Kotori as soon as possible, but I am not sure how._ She hummed, thinking more. _I don't want her to make her sad anymore but giving a half-hearted answer would be no good. She deserves better._

Umi nodded to herself, satisfied with her objectives. She felt a smile creep up her face, and it felt nice. That was, until she moved on with her thoughts. Time passed by. How long? She wasn't quite sure, but students had begun to filter through the front gate and the sun was higher in the sky. Her thoughts were no farther from when she started, but she was tired.

"If only I could say what I want like Kotori." Umi said to herself, her words a desperate plea to the quiet air. And that was when it hit her. She shot up, the idea bringing life back in her body. Fine, she could admit to being dense after she couldn't realize it sooner. If she spoke her words, then embarrassment would destroy her before she could get half her thoughts out. But if she wrote her emotions, just like Kotori, then perhaps she could give a proper response.

Love? Umi wasn't sure, but that wasn't the question she needed to ask right now. What did she feel about Kotori? A lot of things, too many things for a single word to describe. But whoever said she needed to do it in one word. She was μ's lyricist for Gods' sake! Written expression was her strong suit.

Umi took her bag, walking to her classroom with a renewed spring in her step. Her greetings were sparse until she reached her desk. When she did, she took out blank pages and her pen. For Umi, this was the proper response. With her resolved firm, she began writing, shutting out the world around her as she began to spill her heart onto the pages.

She'd start with an apology. It was only fitting. An apology for the pain she didn't mean to cause. Next would be to tell her everything. A confession of sorts, but not quite the same. It would be composed in her own way. Concise, definitive, and the truth. Those were her guides, and the pen wrote well, her penmanship an elegant simplicity.

Umi wondered what to write next. She shrugged the pause before resuming, it would be better to write before second thoughts would halt this brief spur of inspiration. She finished the letter in the best way she could. It was no easy feat, even now as she reread, she couldn't quite figure out her emotions. All she knew that the words she wrote were utterly embarrassing, and if were, then they were right.

Folding the letter into three parts, she slipped it in her lyric notebook. She nodded to herself in accomplishment. Then came the next question: "When should I give it to her?"

"Give what to who, Umi-chan?" Honoka's voice suddenly entered her ears, and she let out an unceremonious yelp. Nearby eyes stole a curious glance before returning to their own morning, but Umi put her glare on the ginger beside her.

"H-Honoka! Don't scare me like that!" She was glad that she already hid the letter before Honoka showed up. She'd would likely die from shame if anybody else read it.

"I wasn't, though?" Honoka tilted her head, returning the scowl with a confused smile. "So, do you need me to leave both you and Kotori-chan alone today?" She asked instead, her feet practically bouncing in excitement.

"Didn't you say you were not going to help me?" Umi returned with a question, herself confused. "W-wait a moment, why would I need to be alone with her?"

"Duh, so you can confess or something!" Honoka piped up a little too loudly, drawing more curious eyes, but when they realized the loudness was the ginger, they shrugged and returned to their own conversations.

"I-!" Umi stopped herself, reconsidering her words. She had the letter, and if this would drag on for longer, then it would seriously bring repercussions to the group's preparation for the next live. But most of all, the azurette didn't want to leave her sad for a moment longer. "It... Would be much appreciated if you would do so for today, Honoka." Her words swallowed down pride, and Honoka returned the pleading look with a wide grin.

"Of course! Leave it to me, Umi-chan!" The ginger gave a thumbs up, and Umi felt a warmer smile tug on her lips.

She took a relieved breath, saying her thanks as she relaxed in her chair. Her mind, although less cluttered, was now beginning to race with nervousness for the end of the day. The first bell toll heralded the start of class, and Kotori entered the room along with a throng of their classmates. Although better hidden, the ash-brunette's smile still carried a hurt masked by cheery words.

Umi saw, and the nervous uncertainty diminished. _It must be today._ She decided, and her resolve hardened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was a lil bit of an introspective, i think. it was new, and i enjoyed trying it out
> 
> for better or for worse, we're nearing the end friends
> 
> i hope you'll enjoy this to the end


	17. Everything Else But the Word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love is still a word Umi doesn't understand, but she's going to have to quick for her talk with Kotori.
> 
> Or does she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im recovering from a fever but i thought i should finish this
> 
> to quote my man thanos: it nearly killed me, but the work is done
> 
> enjoy,

The last bell rang, signaling the end of class. After the teacher left the room, Honoka slumped loudly on her desk sighing against the wooden surface. "Ahh, that took forever!" Normally, Umi would rebuke her for not paying attention during class, but when the rebuke never came, Honoka sat back up to peer over at the azurette. "Umi-chan?"

There was no response, and she was sitting quietly on her chair, hands laced together, dark blue hair obscuring her eyes. In her mind, Umi was fighting down nervousness in preparation for later. Practice would likely keep her occupied, but by the looks of things, not by much. Her only saving grace was that they'd be separated by subunits today, giving her more time to mentally prepare herself. It wasn't that she didn't want to see Kotori, but seeing as nothing but the ash-brunette was on her mind lately, any reprieve to focus on her own thoughts was a blessing.

_That is, thinking about Kotori isn't a bad thing! I want to, but I might lose my nerve if I see her during practice today... But I do want to see her! I mean-_ A warm touch on her shoulder brought her out of her spiraling thoughts, nearly jumping at the contact. She trailed up the arm that wasn't hers, finding Kotori wearing a look of concern. "Are you all right, Umi-chan? Are you sick?"

Umi opened her mouth, her voice nothing but a choked stutter. She swallowed, quickly standing up from her seat as she looked around. The classroom was nearly empty save for herself, the ash-brunette and Honoka who was busying herself on her phone. "I- I'm just fine, Kotori!" She said in a panic, but Kotori looked unconvinced.

"Really? Your face is red, though... If you're sick, we can tell Eli-chan you can't make it to practice today." The ash-brunette gave a supportive smile, but Umi's chest only tightened, the heat on her face growing hotter.

"D-Do not worry! I will be fine, really..." She reasoned, rubbing the back of her neck as she looked away. "But, thank you for your concern, Kotori." The azurette stole a quick glance, offering a small smile in return.

Kotori hummed out a nod, her smile growing. "I'll always be here, Umi-chan!" She said, then quickly spun on her heels to bring Honoka back from her digital stupor. Umi tried not to think about how her smile fell slightly when she said that. Her thoughts wouldn't get far when the ginger quickly stood up, grabbing her bag as she loudly declared to no one in particular.

"All right! Let's do our best today!"

Umi looked to her, finding her give a wide smile. Then a wink. The azurette could only sigh at the poor actions of subtlety. Kotori didn't look like she noticed, so at least there was that.

They filed out of the room together, chatting idly on the way to the clubroom. Umi's contribution to the conversation was sparse, her mind going over her plan of action for the rest of the afternoon. _All right, get through practice, then invite Kotori for a talk... And then, deliver the letter._ Simple, at least, she thought it would be.

* * *

When they arrived at the clubroom, practice proceeded without interruption aside from Umi waiting for a short while for her other two subunit members. Eli explained that Nozomi had to submit a few papers to the staff office, and Hanayo apologized for Rin, who apparently was 'called to the back of the school' by a fellow first year. After saying that she'll simply wait, the remaining six split off to their own practices, leaving Umi alone in the room.

_...And then, deliver the letter._ She nodded to herself, repeating her plan for the umpteenth time since she was alone. It had the opposite desired effect, as the more she repeated it, the more she grew nervous. Eventually, she slumped down on the table, sighing out deeply. An unladylike manner, but no one was around to see her.

"What do I say after that?" She spoke against the wooden surface, eyes wandering from the various idol memorabilia in the room, to dark spots on the table, then to the window. She sighed once more, her eyes fluttering shut. "...What do I want to say?"

"I think you should say yes~" Umi nearly yelled out as a voice whispered in her ear, jumping back to nearly fall on her chair, catching herself at the last moment. She stared up, finding Nozomi bent over with a wide grin. "That is, if you want to, Umi-chan."

"N-Nozomi! Couldn't you have at least knocked before entering?!" The azurette sputtered out, her face completely red. Nozomi turned around for a moment, inspecting the door before looking back at Umi.

"I did, though. I guess you were just thinking a bit too hard, weren'tcha' Umi-chan?" She said with a giggle, setting her school bag on the table before beginning to change. Immediately, Umi turned the opposite way. Though she had grown to become less embarrassed from the entire group changing together in the room, she still found it absolutely shameless to stare without reason.

There was a brief silence between them. Only the faint rustling of clothes filled the room whilst Nozomi changed. Eventually though, she moved to break the silence. "So~" Nothing followed after that, prompting Umi's curiosity.

"So... What?"

"What're you gonna' plan to do?"

"I do not know what you are implying, Nozomi." Umi returned stoically, hands neatly intertwined on her lap as she waited for her to finish.

"Ah, Umi-chan's strict as ever, I see." Nozomi hummed with a giggle, giving her a tap to say that she had finished changing. "Y'know, if I was in your shoes, I'd be a little more honest."

"Honest?" She repeated, quirking an eyebrow. "I do not know what you mean." Her words sounded a bit unconvincing, but she hoped that they would suffice. Nozomi didn't say anything more, except smile in that invasive way Umi thought she had already known everything. Before she could ask more however, the door swung open, Rin behind the door who was panting for breath.

"Sorry Rin is... Late, nya..." She apologized in between breaths, throwing her bag on the table before collapsing on a chair. After waiting for the ginger to change, all three went to practice. Since they were the last ones to arrive, the other two subunits had already called dibs on the practice room and the music room, so that left Lily White with the rooftop. It could've been worse, she supposed.

"So, what will we practice today, Umi-chan?" Rin asked with a spring in her step, leading the other two up the stairs to the roof. The call of her name brought Umi away from her thoughts for what felt like the millionth time today.

"Before we begin the choreography, I propose we try dividing the song among all three of us." She thanked herself for not being too far gone to ignore her responsibilities. Rin gave a loud agreement and Nozomi nodded, flashing a quick smile.

"I can't wait to sing Umi-chan's romantic song. Just remembering it gives me goosebumps, y'know?" She remarked with a giggle, Rin was quick to join her. The two chanted words that embarrassed Umi, who could only stew with a flushed warmth until they finally reached the empty rooftop. The speaker was used by Printemps today, so she relied on her phone's speaker. With Rin's phone functioning as a recorder, Umi requested they move closer before playing the music.

"Oh right, that little thing you did last time was pretty cute, Rin-chan. We should keep it for the song." Nozomi suggested, earning her a confused look from the ginger before she understood a moment later.

"Ah! But I was actually asking, nya! What do you think, Umi-chan?" Both pairs of eyes landed on the azurette who was currently flipping through the music on her phone with a difficult expression. She heard her name, but not much else.

"I... Sure, it is all right with me..." She said idly, unknowing to what she approved of. Her mind was busy with other things, like wondering where to take Kotori to talk with alone. The clubroom? _Anyone else could walk in at any time._ Somewhere at the back of the school? _No, people might misunderstand and think we're conducting shameless acts._ Their homes were no good, so that left her with one last place in mind.

"Umi-chan!" Rin all but shouted, snapping her out of her thinking. "We're ready, nya!"

"A-Ah! My apologies, I will be playing the song now..." Umi mumbled out apologetically, finding the song with attached vocals before hitting the play. The familiar tune filled the air, and Rin repeated her past self's words, though this time with more conviction.

"Is it starting?"

* * *

"Everyone, good work today!" Eli announced with a clap. With somewhat tired but excited cheers, the members of μ's began changing back to their school uniforms. Idle chatter filled the room as they retold their practices to each other. Everyone except Umi, who was silent throughout the whole process of changing. Hanayo and Maki were first to leave. The rest knew why, telling from the faint blush on both their faces and Rin loudly saying, 'Enjoy your date, nya!' At least the redhead thought they were being subtle.

Next were the trio of third years. Eli saying her goodbyes whilst Nozomi dragged Nico out of the room, hands firmly held on her petite frame. It seemed the raven had been falling behind on a subject, and the other two had offered to help. It wasn't a choice, seeing as Nico yelled for help before being pulled out of sight. Rin, Honoka and Kotori were on the table, chatting away at their progress while the azurette was tying up her bow.

"Rin can't wait to hear our song, nya! Umi-chan did such a good job, it makes Rin's heart flutter just singing it!" She said with an excited grin. Kotori wore a look of awe, quickly stealing a glance at Umi's back. Meanwhile, Honoka barely hid her sigh, returning the younger giner's smile with one of her own.

"Y-yeah... I wonder where she got her inspiration from, huh?"

Umi took a mental note to scold Honoka later for that remark. However, right now the first part of her plan was done. Light teasing aside, they had progressed with their practices quite nicely. _All right, now I must invite her to talk in private... Simple enough._ She took a deep breath to steady herself, then slowly approached the ash-brunette. "Uh... Kotori?"

Kotori, in the middle of speaking, turned her head up to look at her. "A-ah, Umi-chan! Is something the matter?" She asked nervously, her eyes trailing down to the hand on her shoulder. When Umi herself realized, she quickly drew her hand back, muttering a quick apology before continuing.

"I need to talk to you about something..." She paused, glancing up to the curious look on Rin before looking back down. "Alone." Kotori looked stunned, completely taken aback at the sudden request that she didn't answer immediately. Every second of silence brought more uncertainty to Umi's mind. Should she cancel her plan, after all? Before she could entertain such thoughts, the ash-brunette rose from her seat, meeting her eyes.

"Sure, Umi-chan!" She chirped, and the azurette didn't know to feel relieved or more nervous now. Still, she wouldn't let the momentum go to waste.

"If you would follow me, I won't take up too much of your time." Umi pointed to the door, slinging her school bag before making her way out. Kotori moved to do the same, following after her before stopping at the door. She turned around to look at Honoka, who merely smiled while giving two thumbs up.

Kotori returned the smile, then quickly left to catch up with Umi.

The walk to the front of the school was mostly silent with barely any eye contact to boot. Umi walked slightly ahead, still gathering her courage despite spending all day on this particular endeavor. She spared a few looks back to check if Kotori was still there, but mostly, she was silent. But her thoughts were loud.

_This is it! No more retreat and beating around the bush. Once we arrive, I'll hand the letter over. Then I'll... I, uh..._ Right, she hadn't thought that far. The lack of planning made her worry. What if she said something she shouldn't? No, that wouldn't make sense as long as she spoke truthfully. _What if she asks me if I love her? What do I say?_

Busy with her thoughts, she didn't feel the fingers gripping her sleeve until a soft tug brought her back to the real world. Umi whipped her head around to find Kotori with a troubled look on her face. "Umi-chan, where are we going? Did... Something bad happen?"

"A-ah, no! Nothing bad at all, Kotori! I just... Wanted to go somewhere we won't be interrupted." Umi explained, a blush forming on her face. Before embarrassment could set in further, she spun back on her feels, walking once more. "We're almost there, just bear with me for a few moments longer."

Kotori blinked as she followed, then broke out into a quiet giggle. Of course, Umi was back to her thoughts to hear it, her mind only clearing when they finally reached the place she had in mind. Bathed in the orange afternoon glow, she was thankful the area was empty.

"Isn't this-" Kotori walked past her, surveying the vicinity briefly. There was no doubt about it. "The park you, Honoka-chan and I used to play as kids?" Umi looked away but nodded. It was also the place where they became friends. It was symbolic to have their conversation here.

She resolved herself. Their friendship started here, so Umi thought it would be right to end it here.

"Sit with me," She spoke quietly, walking to the bench nearby. Kotori nodded and followed her, taking a seat as she was told. However, Umi remained standing in front of her, silently rifling through her schoolbag.

"Umi-chan?" The ash-brunette looked curious as a short panic shot through Umi only to turn to relief when she had found what she was looking for. Slipping it out from the pages of her lyric notebook, the azurette set her bag down on the empty spot on the bench.

She took a long breath. This was it. She just hoped she wouldn't stutter so much. "A-ahm, Kotori... I have a confession to make." Well, so much for not stuttering. In her hands was her own letter, but the letters she had received from Honoka. She decided to show those first. "I... I read through these. N-now, I didn't have your consent, and though they were addressed to me, I-"

When she looked up, Kotori was pale, save for the red all the way up to her ears. "Uh, Kotori?" Finally coming to, the ash-brunette swiped the letters, desperately hiding them to her chest as if the action would somehow make Umi miraculously forget its contents. "U-Umi-chan! It's not what you think!" She stuttered out, meeting her eyes desperately.

Her racing mind stilled when Umi frowned. "It isn't?"

"I...! I mean, it isn't... I-" Kotori wrapped her arms around herself, crumpling the letters, her eyes shut tight. "I wanted to say it myself!"

"Kotori!" Umi snapped, placing a hand on her shoulder to relax the ash-brunette. It worked to a degree, with her loosening her arms, the letters falling to her lap. "You mustn't desecrate letters like that. They are filled with your feelings, right?"

Kotori blinked, looking up to find the azurette closer to her. Her not-so-secret secret was out to the one person who shouldn't have known without her telling her. "I... How do you have them? I made sure to..." She trailed off, facing away as her head felt light.

Umi laughed brokenly, scratching her cheek as she pulled back slightly, her face not any better. "Well, I suppose I took Honoka too lightly. I ended up relying on her somewhat." When Kotori said nothing, she continued, not wanting to let the air slip into awkwardness.

"I'll be honest, Kotori. I thought the worst when you took off running on that weekend. I thought I had done something to upset you. And in a way, I did." She spoke clearly, though saying it wouldn't clear the guilt of bringing her to tears.

"Umi-chan, you didn't do-" Her words were stilled from a finger to her lips. The moment kept Umi going, embarrassment is sure to sink in later.

"You already said what you wanted to, right?" She asked softly, bringing her finger away to point down at the fingers on her lap. Wordlessly, the ash-brunette nodded. "Then, it is my turn to speak out my feelings, if you will indulge me?" She resolved herself. She must do this.

Another nod, and Umi gave a momentary smile before continuing. "I apologize for not realizing sooner, and that I have caused you hurt for not doing so. However, there are a few things about... All of this I am not sure I understand." She chose her words carefully, biting down on her lip when something sounded out of place in her mind, rephrasing such before speaking. "You asked me if I think about love, right? To be honest, I do not."

Kotori perked up at her words, as if wanting to speak but decided otherwise, wanting to honor the azurette's request. "But back then... I felt that you misunderstood me, Kotori. Rather, I feel that I misunderstood myself."

"Misunderstand how, Umi-chan?" The ash-brunette found herself asking before slapping a hand over her mouth. Despite her thoughts trying to convince her that this was Umi's roundabout way of rejecting her, she had to listen to it to the very end.

Umi gave a second's glance at her before looking off to the empty park. "We use the word love every day, don't we? So, I suppose the meaning is lost on me. How you see love might very well be different to mine, and mine might be different to another's interpretation of the word." She sighed, relaxing herself before continuing. "I suppose you could say that I simply do not understand the word love, or how it is meant to be used properly, if there is a proper way."

Umi stood in a short silence after that, still in front of Kotori who sat on the bench, completely speechless from her words. It was then the ash-brunette noticed the folded paper clutched against the azurette's chest. "I do not understand it, but... I- I, uh..." Her voice stuttered as she unfolded the letter, glancing over its contents for mistakes before thrusting it sharply at Kotori. "These are my feelings!"

Kotori eyed the letter for but a moment before taking it. She said thanks, but her voice was barely audible. Her hands hesitated, expecting the worst. Yet, there was a small hope that urged her forward. Umi moved to sit down beside her when Kotori began to read the letter.

'Kotori,

I humbly apologize for the pain I made

You held a hurt that I caused, one you tried to masquerade

Though our forgiveness may be hard to seek after

I will strive for the days I can once again fill you with laughter.

Love. A word I haven't given much thought into

Though, it is something you already knew.

I am jealous, I envy your conviction,

Your emotions ring true, though mine remain clouded like a fog.

I cannot say that what I feel is the love you think of

Your world seems perfect, honest and true

My own is cluttered, a string of complications to pull through

The emotions I carry aren't simple as to be simply called love.

But I know where my feelings lead me to

Your warm hands, gentle heart and warm view.

If you will let me, I can show you the emotions I carry for you

But in return, will you teach me love, too?'

Slowly, she lowered the letter, tears teasing at the corner of her eyes. Umi faced towards her, their knees bumping softly against one another.

"Umi-chan?" Kotori dared to break the silence, her words a quiet whisper. In front of her, Umi hung her head low, her dark blue bangs obscuring her eyes.

"...I apologize for not understanding my own emotions." The azurette began, gulping down uncertainty, her face flaring a deep red. "But I want to be at your side. To no longer make you sad. However..." She forced herself to look up, sunlight gold meeting honey gold. "Not as we were before, but... As something more intimate."

Kotori placed both her hands on her lap, maintaining the intense gaze shared between them. With her dreaded expectations vanishing to the air, she was left with a lightheaded surge, her thoughts bubbling wildly. "Umi-chan! I feel the same way!"

"Good..." Umi gripped the fabric of her skirt atop her lap, the blush growing to her ears as she went back to staring down, the embarrassment finally catching up to her. "I... I apologize for not being clear! And for taking so much of your time, Kotori!"

The ash-brunette blinked at the sudden apologies. For the first one she could be forgiven, but the second apology seemed strange. Realizing this, she couldn't help but giggle softly. "It's fine, Umi-chan. You can take my time as much as you want!" She said cheerily, though tears had begun to stream down her cheeks. Slowly, she settled her hands atop Umi's, intertwining their fingers together.

Kotori had nearly forgotten how warm Umi's hands were.

The azurette said nothing, but she shifted on the bench, moving closer. All of a sudden, her head fell forward slowly, her forehead bumping softly against Kotori's shoulder. Her head felt hot, her thoughts loose as she became lightheaded from embarrassment. She shuddered when Kotori giggled softly near her ear but trusted her partial weight on the ash-brunette.

"Not a word of this to Honoka..." Umi mumbled against her clothes, burying her face deeper to hide the redness of her face. This time, Kotori couldn't hold in her laughter, only nodding once she calmed herself down.

"Of course, Umi-chan." She chirped, grinning at the warmth they shared. The azurette nodded against her shoulder, biting her bottom lip before she spoke once more.

"...Can we stay like this for a moment?" She'll likely yell herself to sleep for saying such embarrassing words later, but these were her true feelings. If she were to ever understand something as complicated as love, then it was best to start with being honest with herself.

Kotori blinked at her request, then broke out into another short giggle, nodding as she leaned her head against Umi's. "For as long as you need, Umi-chan." Three more words lingered on her tongue, but she decided not to say them just yet. She can wait to say it together with Umi.

They had all the time in the world, and it began in this orange-bathed afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we are demons, we made it 
> 
> ill be doing 1 more chapter for a conclusion type thing similar to the makipana one, so look forward to it
> 
> i hope i gave it a good ending yall enjoyed


	18. Impossible Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so begins Umi's road to understanding of love. Only one word can describe her experience.

Umi had prepared for the relationship that changed with Kotori. They were no longer simple friends. Since that afternoon, it would be a more intimate affair. In secret? For a while until she could convey the news to the rest of μ's without dying from embarrassment. Was she happy? Immensely. It was a risk for her to say everything, so she was beyond words when everything had gone well.

At least, that was what Umi had thought.

The next day almost felt surreal. It was as if things had seemingly returned to normal. They all met up at the same intersection before walking together to school. However, Umi couldn't shake off the strange smile on Honoka's face. It didn't bother her too much as her mind would return to the bubbling feelings in her chest when she talked with Kotori. The azurette never knew simple conversation would bring her this much happiness. Although it had only been one morning, she was beginning to understand the certain type of love they shared. Bubbly, constant, albeit embarrassing, but happy.

This bright outlook on the emotion would only last until classes begun.

* * *

"Lunch time!" Honoka announced joyously, her arms thrown up to the air. She looked to her side, finding Umi face down on her desk, Kotori giggling quietly on the seat behind her. "Uh... Is everything okay, Umi-chan?"

No. Was the answer. Everything was most certainly not okay. Throughout the morning, she hadn't been able to focus in the lessons. It started with the feeling of being stared at. It was strange, but when Umi had found out it was a lovestruck stare from the ash-brunette, it made her nervous and terribly self-conscious. However, she thought to force herself to listen to the teacher and block else everything out. Umi was starting to think it was working until she nearly yelped at the sudden touch on her back.

Ducking her head low to avoid the teacher's reprimand, Umi whipped her head around to find the ash-brunette with the same look. This time, however, she was tracing her finger along her back. When the azurette raised a questioning eyebrow, she merely shrugged, suppressing a giggle.

"Don't mind me, Umi-chan~" She cooed, and Umi could only spare a second longer to stare back before facing back to the front of the class. Not minding her was a task easier said than done. Scratch that, it couldn't be done at all. Try as she might to ignore it, Umi could recognize the strokes Kotori made along her back. They were words that when, she repeated in her mind, warmed up her face.

Umi silently thanked every God above when the final bell for the morning sounded and everyone moved to put their items away. As she stayed there, her forehead bumped against the wooden surface, the heat rolled off her cheeks when she recited the words she traced over and over: 'Love,' 'You,' and 'Umi.'

"Did you do something, Kotori-chan?" Honoka turned to the ash-brunette, raising a curious brow. She hadn't noticed the escapades of the two, simply because she was busy daydreaming.

"Me? Nope." Kotori answered unconvincingly. On purpose? When Umi brought her head up to look behind her, the satisfied smile on her face gave a hint to that question. The azurette sighed, trying to relax the blush on her face.

"Should we have lunch outside today?" The ginger excitedly asked, completely dropping the topic. Though spontaneous, Umi was happy to get some attention drawn away from herself. Kotori nodded to her suggestion, reaching for her bag excitedly with a chirp.

"Sure! It'd be just us three, which is good." She added with a wide smile. Umi gulped, already not liking the way this conversation was headed.

"Hm? Why?" Honoka took the bait, and the ash-brunette glanced for a moment at her before her smile grew wider.

"Because Umi-chan has something to tell you, Honoka-chan!"

"H-Hey, Kotori-!" Umi tried to interject, but the ginger was already out of her seat, radiating in excitement.

"Really?! Let's go, then!"

Umi could only sigh as the two quickly took their bags and went out of the room, stopping by the door to wait for her. Kotori met her eyes, then a warm smile that oddly soothed the azurette. Then, she guessed it was likely some sort of payback before resigning her fate with another deep sigh, moving slowly to join up with the others.

As she proceeded to breathe a word of yesterday's events to Honoka, Umi was definitely beginning to understand this new form of love. It was embarrassing, slightly shameless, distracting, but most of all, it was impossible to keep up with.

* * *

_Umi-chan's fun to tease,_ Kotori had found out. It was also very easy to tease her, as revealed throughout the morning. She was supportive while Umi stuttered her way through telling Honoka that they were now a couple. Holding her hand made her happy but made no contribution in Umi's endeavor to speak. Perhaps she had overdone it a little when she was red all the way up to her ears, but her choice of words left the ash-brunette somewhat red herself.

"Huh... I never imagine Umi-chan to be a romantic," Honoka said as an opener, ignoring the stammers of the azurette. At least Kotori was there to pat her on the shoulder.

"There, there, Umi-chan." She soothed with a smile. Umi mumbled out a few lines too incoherent for her to understand, but the miniscule smile was enough for the ash-brunette.

"Still, I'm glad you two finally know! Umi-chan's isn't that dense, after all!" Honoka remarked with a happy grin. The comment was like an arrow through Umi's chest from the blunt honesty, and she could only drop her head low in response.

"I humbly apologize for my actions..." She mumbled, barely audible for the three of them. The yelp that followed after was miles louder when Kotori suddenly moved to hug her arm.

"Don't worry, Umi-chan!" The ash-brunette reassured, though the feeling to tease the azurette was strong. "You can make it up to me by making me happy every day!" She chirped, wrapping herself tighter as she found Umi's eyes.

"K-Kotori! That statement is a given, b-but! These actions on school grounds are... They are shameless!" Umi all but yelled, attempting to slide her arm out of Kotori's hold. In response, she only held on tighter.

"Eeh?! Does Umi-chan not like this type of thing?" Kotori feigned despair, turning her eyes up in a pleading way. It swayed the azurette's resolve, but not completely as she merely stilled momentarily before returning to moving herself away.

"Whether or not I like it is not the point! These are school grounds!"

Honoka simply watched the scene in front of her, happily taking bites of her bread while they exchanged words with each other. Kotori wasn't holding on all that tightly to Umi's arm, but on the other side, Umi wasn't putting up much resistance either. Though this moment was mundane, it filled Kotori with a warm feeling inside.

"Please, Kotori! I am simply not ready yet!"

"H-Hey! People are going to get the wrong idea!"

* * *

"Honestly, your teasing can get too much at times." Umi said with a tired groan. At her side, Kotori giggled apologetically. Their conversation had grown loud enough to draw curious eyes.

"Aha, sorry, Umi-chan." Kotori apologized halfheartedly. She felt bad, yes, but personally she enjoyed their talk. Did that even count as a talk? More of a loud bickering than anything, now that the ash-brunette thought about it.

After that slight incident, the rest of the afternoon proceeded as normal. Practice flew by and before either knew it, they were walking back home. Kotori suggested they stop by a fabric shop before heading home, but Honoka separated from them halfway through. She had said it was an emergency at the bakery, which wasn't out of the ordinary. However, what was out of the ordinary was the route she took. It seemed to go deeper into the city. Towards UTX? Umi was never familiar with that side of the city.

"Anyway, have you settled on costume designs for the three subunits?" She asked instead, deciding to simply let it go. Honoka probably wanted to grab a snack on the way home.

Kotori nodded in response, her hair bobbing softly along with her movements. "Yep! I just need to get everyone's measurements and I'll get Nico-chan and Hanayo-chan to start sewing them together!" Her eyes glistened in anticipation, but Umi was more impressed at how fast she had finished. Her own situation was bleaker. She still hasn't finished BiBi's lyrics yet.

"You're amazing as always, Kotori." Umi breathed out in awe. She was less expressive with her hands as of the moment as she was carrying bags of fabric. She had offered to carry both, but Kotori protested saying it to be unfair. So, there they were. Umi carrying the lighter bag while the heavier bag of fabric was carried between them, their hands close together sharing the handle.

Umi looked down to see a blush grow on Kotori's face. She hummed a nervous laughter before meeting her eyes. "Your compliments sure make me happier now, Umi-chan..."

"Is that so?" The azurette replied, mulling her words over. Yet, she couldn't quite understand why. At her side, Kotori nodded slowly, the redness deepening on her cheeks.

"It must be because everything's different now, right? I-I mean... We're now, like that." _Ah. So, that is what she means..._ Umi was now feeling her own rush of heat.

"A-Ah, I-I see..." She stuttered out. A short silence persisted before they both broke out into a short laughter. "T-then, I suppose we will both have to get used to it, i-in that case." Kotori stared widely at her words, then nodded, stepping over just a little closer.

"We will!" The ash-brunette smiled as they walked, enjoying the comfortable silence between them as the sun began to dip low past the buildings, staining the sky in a deep purple. Umi was thankful for the reprieve, as she could only say such shameless words without dying from overheating.

Then, she took a deep breath before breaking the quiet. "Thank you for understanding my feelings, Kotori. I know that you have been using the word love quite sparingly around me, and uh..." Umi trailed off, unsure how to continue. She looked down to find Kotori's smile, and didn't have to.

"Don't worry, Umi-chan," The ash-brunette began with the shake of her head, "Take as much time as you need, okay?" Umi was rendered speechless by her words, her throat suddenly dry. She envied Kotori's honesty, wishing for at least half of it to convey how much she felt.

Umi nodded resolutely brushing over Kotori's hand with her thumb, the smile returned twofold. "I will do my best." Kotori chirped, and they returned to the peaceful walk, closer than ever.

That was, until Kotori let out a long hum. "Hmm... I hope Umi-chan doesn't take too long, though." That was another shot through her heart. The azurette nearly staggered. "Ah! Maybe you'll think it isn't love and you'll leave!"

"E-eh!? What kind of woman do you think I am, Kotori?" Umi snapped incredulously whilst Kotori feigned a look of hurt. She was feeling lightheaded from how quickly the mood can change when she was alone with the ash-brunette. "Besides, I'd never leave you for any reason at all!"

Kotori suddenly stopped, her face exploding into a bright red. Whatever words she had loaded on the tip of her tongue fell out as embarrassed stutters. The sight was enough to make Umi begin to feel embarrassed herself. She lowered her eyes, scanning the floor briefly. "D-Do you promise that, Umi-chan?"

There was an odd uncertainty in her voice that Umi couldn't understand. She had thought she made herself obvious. Her emotions were confusing, convoluted, and thorough, but they were not fleeting. "O-Of course, Kotori!"

Kotori paused before looking up, sunlight gold meeting bright determination of honey gold. A small smile crept up her face. "Do you pinky promise?"

Umi stared, then slightly lifted both the bags in her hands, unamused. "My hands are currently busy at the moment." Kotori broke out into laughter at the dry response. It was contagious, and Umi joined her.

As the day drew to a close, Umi could confidently say that she was starting to understand Kotori's form of love. It filled her with warmth but sapped her with energy from how frantic and sporadic it was. But, as long as she made Kotori happy, Umi would think of it as a day of satisfaction.

Of course, the day that she could understand was still in the distance. For now, it was an impossibility for her to see from how it confused her. However...

"Ah! The bag's rolling down the street!" Kotori stated the obvious, jutting her now free hand at it. A hand that was incidentally holding onto Umi's.

"Why did you decide to hold my hand out of the blue?! With the hands we were using to hold the bag, no less!"

As they both ran to catch the runaway bag of fabric, Umi's point was again realized. Love was impossible.

When they both found themselves laughing at the end of the street, raising the captured bag of fabric in victory, another point was realized.

It was impossible, but with Kotori, it was an impossibility she was willing to try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so we reach the end.
> 
> with double the chapter number and the word count, we finish this story of kotoumi.
> 
> thanks to everyone who left comments, kudos, bookmarks, and support. y'all gave me the support to continue this to the end, so i hope you enjoyed reading this as much as i did writing it
> 
> sorry for the inconsistencies when updating, im sure that was annoying when id disappear for weird intervals
> 
> this pairing was really fun to work with, and i enjoyed it immensely. doing the perspective switch must've been weird, but i hope it was good
> 
> i really like this. as for the ending i was a bit torn on what to do on how to end it, but i decided to go along with this since it felt like something that would happen. they're childhood friends, so their day to day interactions wouldnt change as much, but they know they love each other, even if umi doesnt realize she does, but does, she's weird
> 
> kotori and umi have different personalities so it was nice to try and write them together. of course, writing the rest of μ's was fun, but this is a kotoumi fic, so they're the main stars of this work.
> 
> if you want to read more of my things, i have a few more so feel free to check those out, and if you want to suggest something by all means feel free to comment. oh, and if you have any thoughts, criticisms or anything like that feel free to write it down too
> 
> i'll be off to start thinking about what to do with that short tsubasa-honoka thing now, so stay tuned
> 
> stay safe out there, and catch yall on the flip side demons 
> 
> ya boy out


End file.
